Pretend you are reading this about a week ago because that is when I meant to post ...

Chris and Elisa visited me in Peoria last Thursday night because she had to take the MCAT in Peoria Friday morning. This visit made me come to terms with Chris getting married in a matter of months and becoming active in the army shortly after. But it also reaffirmed my faith in our friendship and that was nice. That visit was followed by the Blackfriars production of Footloose. It was my first time sitting in the actualy audience (not as a cast member or from the balcony) in, well a long time. It was a very surreal feeling and it made me feel old. Topped off by the fact that I was sitting with Johanna, Chris, Marty and Elisa. Talk about a reunion. We even went backstage to see if our names were still there and reminicse. It was a very unexpected yet awesome situation.

I liked high school so much. I might venture to say they were the best four years of my life. College just doesn't compare. It's not worse but it's just not the same.

On the car ride home I decided I should be angsty and moody and listen to my "Graduation '04" playlist. Only to discover I was too cheesy post high school. Songs like closing time, Time of Your Life, I will remember you, the Friends theme, the Cheers theme and wonderwall just didn't mean as much to me. I laughed at myself and how stereotypical and cheesy I was back then.

Two days after being home for the play I made the drive to Chicago again, this time for a Tuesday job interview. It went better than I expected (in that I actually could see myself doing the job) and by Thursday I had a job offer. I think that I'll be accepting it tomorrow. I will be starting May 19th. Two days after graduation. Harsh. Life is getting way to real.

Plusses of the job: Once I have this job I will no longer be "entry-level", $20/hr salary which equates to about 41K a year, I think I would be somewhat good at it

Negatives: Contract position so benefits are though someone else and has the potential to be temporary, commute to St. Charles

I can't believe I'm even discussing this ... Time to switch back to denial. Last night at my last KD formal was the first time I cried (well, almost the first) about the impending end of college. I feel like it won't be the last time this week.

On another note it's crazy just how many typical college activites I have participated in the past four years. More recently climbing into the Field House ruins and stealing bricks and contruction signs.

Okay I think my ramblings are coming to an end.

I know that I am suffering from major senioritis because I don't even get pleasure from crossing things off of my to do list anymore. I find myself looking forward to the end of the year just so I can get out of this funk. I don't even have the motivation to apply for jobs because I am in hardcore denial. This is the closest thing to depression I have felt in my life.

I also feel like I am fated to completely fuck up the end of this year. I feel self destructive and I don't like it. I did the same thing at the close of high school. I don't graduate gracefully ...

*sigh*