Wow.



I probably should not blog in a state of emotional confusion and so close the the eve of a new year, but why not throw another bad decision into 2008?



I just realized that I still have some blog entries that have been in draft since I wrote them. Things I didn't intend to publish and things I entirely had forgotten about. It's odd to read words you wrote years ago and realize in hindsight that you were completely lying to yourself. But comforting to know that those situations are far behind me. I'm so glad to be past some of the times I was writing about.



The weirdest one to read involved the beginning of my relationship with Joe :



" *sigh* i really really really hate this ... more than any other guy situation I've ever been in ... Because this one is so honest and true ... and the guy says just the right things which makes it just that much worse. But I meant it when I said that I would rather be his friend than never talk to him again. I just hate that I know exactly where he's coming from, which means I've been in this situation before, just not on this side of it ... and holy shit does this side suck. . . . I'm sorry I'm such an emotional mess. i wish ... i wish a lot of things ... but mostly that i could just forget any of this ever happened .... "



Although the draft I found was a little heart breaking it makes me feel so good to know that even in the beginning when I wasn't sure where it was going that I recognized that he was something special and already meant more than my previous fixations and obsessions. And it makes me happier than I can describe that I somehow managaged to keep him. :-)

FYI I wrote that draft on February 12th, 2005. Which is also our anniversary. So clearly my night got better than when I wrote that. Probably why I didn't publish it.




Okay fast forward from the past to the present - for some end of 2008 ramblings.

This past year has been one of a lot of growth and also a lot of fun. The first 5 months made up the end of my college career while the last 7 months have marked the beginning of a new chapter. I must say that over all I definitely am enjoying post grad life. I still find myself restless and not as content as I should be with desires of moving out and being engaged and being converted from contractor to employee but I know that all of those things will come (hopefully most in 2009!)

As I look back on 2008, many unforgettable moments come to mind. January started the year off with a bang as I took J-Term in London with Sara and visited Dublin. That was an unforgettable trip and Sara and I made so many lasting memories together. I think that's when we really started becoming such good friends. When you can be in the same space with someone for 2 weeks and not want to kill them you know something is right. February brings countless trips to Wise Guys to mind. March included a good old fasioned college spring break to Florida with my favorite guys plus Sara. April and May saw the conclusion of my college career with many rites of passage such as KD Senior Wills, Senior Walk, moving out of rehab and of course - graduation. I graduated on a Saturday and began working the following Monday. Preceded by a Sunday night of bawling myself to sleep because I couldn't stand the thought of college being over and living at home for the foreseeable future.


I soon got over those feelings and began the adjustment to 'real life'. The summer was certainly one of transition but soon I got used to living at home again. I love Chicago and can't imagine ever being away again. Living with the parents isn't ideal but is infinitely better than dealing with the drama that permanently existed at rehab. I'm so glad to be past that chapter. I'm also grateful to be able to still have great friendships with my roommates with one exception.

All things considered 2008 was an amazing year. And it's not often that I have such good feelings about an entire year. The end of the year finds me in a pretty good place. I really enjoy my job (although I wish the economy didn't blow so I had a little bit more job security), I have great friends and family (although I wish some of them were closer to Chicago), I'm financially independant (although I wish I could learn to save a bit more), and Joe makes me infinitely happier every day.

I hope each of you are as happy as I am at the close of 2008 and I wish you nothing but the best in 2009!