Thanksgiving Musings

I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving and the days surrounding it for quite a while now. As I get further and further into my college carreer I find myself longing for breaks/home with more and more need. I suppose that this is a good pattern to be in the year before I willl be heading back to Chicagoland (pressumably) for good.

Black Wednesday was anything but as I saw all of my best from home (excluding a few guys friends that were missing.) The dinner date at Cheesecake Factory was fabulous and the bar antics afterwards were ... rawkward. But glorious. and expected.

The concept of the Bradley Bubble is completely true for me. When I'm in Peoria I worry about the future but not really. Because it's not banging down the door (just simply hanging out on the other side. When I visit home, however, I am VERY aware that I will be living here in 6 months and have not a CLUE what I will be doing then.

I realized tonight after spending a wonderful night with my family and spending last night with so many friends ... that the reason I don't want to get a job and move forward with the future is that I am so gosh darn HAPPY about what I have going on right here and now. I have friendships here that have stood the test of time and grown stronger in these past four years. And while we are scattered all over the country/midweset most of the year - we still get together at every break possible and follow the same routine.

And the future is just so damn uncertain. I have so much to look foward to: living close to my amazing family and (hopefully) many of my friends, the future with Joe and more ...

But I am also perfectly content right now. Looking forward to the future but not needing to plan it yet. I am so afraid that 10 years from now I WON'T be close to the same people I'm close to now. There's not rational reason for me to be worried, but I am. I feel like we are all growing up and away and as much as we want to hold on ...

Oh my where am I going with this? I just am so utterly happy and thankfull for all the relationships I am blessed with in this life.

I know I am not perfect. But I want to try harder to be a better person. Maybe I can tie that into that whole 'carreer thing' I need to stumble into this year. I should go to church. I should stop thinking that I am a good person and actually go out and accomplish good things.

I'm just not ready to accept the challenge yet. I'm ready to think about the worl and my place in it but I'm not ready to be a grown up and just do it.

I realize that I am not making any semblence of sense, but I just had to get my thoughts out somewhere.

Update: I still have no clue what I am going to do with my life ...