Negatives about this semester:
- Bradley is lame. I never thought I'd say it, but it really has happened. There aren't even the same old things to do anymore. It's hard to explain if you don't go here. But basically Bradley used to be fun. And now it's not so much anymore.
- My 18 hour schedule is kicking my ass. I have so much to do, I am constantly working.
- My parents are guilt tripping me about money and I'm sick of them thinking that I don't think responsibly.
- Drama still annoys me. But I've learned to appreciate when it's at least in the background instead of the foreground.


Positives about this semester:
+ All of my friends are speaking.
+ Thus, I've actually hanging out with people who matter.
+ I think that I am losing weight
+ As a result of feeling like I need to prove myself I have been saving money and not blowing it carelessly
+ My one year anniversary with Joe is coming up.
+ I did my first beer bong.
+ Matt Bolahan visited.
+ I've been calling my mom more often.
+ I have spring break in California to look forward to :)

Classes this semester are going to own me. I have to start out strong or I am going to sink. *sigh* I need to seriously schedule my days to get it all done. I'm going to attempt even scheduling facebook/newsreading/blog time. I have to stay on task. I have to stay on task. I can do it ....

So during my alotted time for blogging today I just wanted to get this out ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHH!

Pray for me this semester. :)

Be amused by this ...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mary!

1. Mary can jump up to sixteen times her own height.
2. The risk of being struck by Mary is one occurence every 9,300 years.
3. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Mary!
4. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Mary', hated Mary and only wrote the book at her publisher's request!
5. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Mary Head!
6. Mary has a memory span of three seconds.
7. Until the 1960s, Mary was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
8. Mary can taste with her feet!
9. Mary can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.
10. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Mary.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

I FINALLY HAVE INTERNET AGAIN!!! WOOOOOOO!

Anyways, if I had gotten internet yesterday I would have said that this semester is going to be freaking AMAZING!!! My friends are all speaking, Bradley is fun as ever, I love my new room and living with Kim, I'm broke, but managing my money better. The first few nights at Bradley have rocked my socks off! But then today (the first day of classes) happened. And this semester WILL be great. But adademically it is going to kick my ass. And that's only after 3 classes, eck.

Joe and I got into a fight part 1 Sunday and part 2 Monday. But now we are better than ever. So thank goodness for that.

CALIFORNIA FOR SPRING BREAK, BITCHES!!! California. To visit CALI. (um, as in the person) with Jamie. and Sara. and Kate. and Denise. and Bug. Californiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia. Here we cooooooooooome. I still can barely believe we are all going.

So, here we go into the semester, wish me luck, I'll need it all.

Okay, haven't written much this second half of break so I have several thoughts that I have built up to write upon ...

I found out over break that my grade school, St. Bernardine's is probably going to close in the near future. Either this year or next. I hope that it stays open at least one more year so that my sister can graduate from there. I guess that I have known that the closing was coming for a few years now. But I started thinking about it and it really makes me sad. I mean, it's one thing moving on from the past, but knowing that the school won't even be there anymore??? It's such a final thing. It sucks that it won't be there for me to visit, or see how it changes in the future. It's also such a staple in my past, and in my present too. I still go to church there, and Sheila still goes there. It's a community. And although I don't keep up with the community all the time, juts knowing it is there for me to see once in a while at church or a school function keeps me tied to my roots. And then it will just be gone. I dunno, I don't like it. But what can ya do ...

One night over break Joe and I were talking about how we are slackers and uninvolved in college. Well, mostly me. I realized that I've just been going downhill in that area. Grade school I was super involved in everything. Girl Scouts when it was offered, softball, soccer, basketball, volleyball, choir, handbells, vice president then president of student council. I was a super star, if I don't say so myself haha. Then in high school I was involved in Blackfriars and speech. And various clubs there and there, art club, campus ministry choir, etc. And I didn't take official leadership roles really, but I was active in theatre and speech and later Kairos. But then came college and all I've got is Kappa Delta really. I keep attempting to join clubs or be involved on campus and i just fail and following through on any of it. Which I know is bad for my resume and for my general well roudedness. *sigh* oh well.

And in the same coversation with Joe, he said that he couldn't really picture me as a performer. He knows i did speech and the plays, but he was just saying that he can't picture it. And it was weird cuz it made me realize how much I've changed. I mean, that's who I was in high school. And then I just let it all go. I wish that I still did something with speaking or something. Maybe I'll become a reader at church or something.

So over break I found this odd out of the blue optimism/maturity. I hope that it carrys into the semester. Because I have a lot of goals for this semester, and also a very good feeling about it ....

I am so screwed finanically. But regardless I think that I am going to go to California over Spring break. I'm only young and in college once. And how many times can I visit Cali IN Cali with my best friends? I'm just going to cash all my chips in this semester with California and possibly a ticket to RENT in Chicago. And then use this summer to work my ass off and save up money for utilities next year and other expenses. I love growing up but hate gaining financial independence :(

And I go back to Bradley tomorrow already. Here's to a good semester ...

So if you are sick of hearing me talk about high school don't read on.

I had an awesome night with the girls tonight. Movie night at 7 Hampton Court was specatcular. Georgia, Maggie, Annie, Caryn, Diana, Johanna, Tricia, and Christina were all there. We watched Disney movies, played Apples to Apples, skirted around high school gossip and then eventually shamelessly dived right in. I swear I know more about my graduating class's business NOW than I did back then. The girls and I also realized how tame our group was compared to its potential. I mean we had a lot of crushes and awkward tension but how much actually "getting with" did we have? Not much. But throw alcohol into our mix and who knows WHAT the hell would have happened! As it was we have enough for quite the novel. Which, damn I wish I had the talen to write, cuz our group had the drama for a book if not a movie. I find myself funny because I really am over all my high school issues, I talked really openly with Annie Georgia and Maggie for possibly the first time about somethings and it felt great. I don't have any of the baggage that I carried for awhile. It's just interesting to talk about. I realized that I don't really hate anyone, I only look at them with hatred because of what they embody to me. Some people just remind me of my past mistakes and looking at them all I see is my failure. It's not really them I hate so much as myself.

Anyways, I know I've recycled this high school obsession thing a thousand times, so this time I'll just bury the hatchet and let it be which I should have long ago ....

I still maintain that a roomfull of all my high school friends, alcohol, and honesty would be quite an entertaining evening and in my contrived world it makes me ponder ...

And on the way home from Georgia's I heard this song and it struck a chord.

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

[Chorus:]
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x2]

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x3]

I am in a very optimistic mood tonight.

I can't pinpoint where it came from but I hope it sticks around. I sort of enjoy it.

So, when I was out to dinner with my parents, aunt and uncle, I realized that I am grown up. Somewhere this year, I'm not quite sure where when or how, but somewhere I grew up. This gives me mixed feelings.

I've had a few AMAZINGLY good nights with Joe recently. But then again, that isn't anything very new.

I miss Jamie. I don't know why winter break made me realized that. But it did. So here's to hanging out with her more next semester I hope.

I miss EVERYONE from Bradley, and can't wait to see them all again soon :)

And that's really all I've got for now :)

I've attempted to start an end of 2005 entry nearly all break. But I just can't seem to sum it all up. 2005 was a LONG year. And the first half was COMPLETELY different than the second. This has been one of the best years of my life. I fell in love and that alone makes this year incredible. Last New Years Eve I would never have pictured myself where I am today. I've done a lot of growing this year, and started to appreciate myself more.

As much as I have tried I can't sum up this year or what I've learned very succinctly at all. The first half of the year was a blast: I got closer with Denise, started dating Joe, did my first of many power hours, and basically just had a lot of fun. The summer went well, I finally got a job to my parents relief and began the road to financial independance. (Which I have yet to get very far at all on, whoops) The SECOND half of 2005 ... well, sucked. At least that's how I see it. But maybe it just couldn't compare to the first half. Joe kept things mosly good over all. But at the same time something about it just seemed off. Dynamics in my friendships at Bradley changed a bit, and makes this school year seem like nothing but a transition. And I am just itching to skip it and get to junior year. Which I have VERY high hopes for, and I hope that I won't be let down.

I've been very blessed this year, my dad found and kept his job, Joe came into my life, I have amazing friends and I'm getting closer to them all the time, I got two jobs (although the Disney Store sucks, but oh well)
but right now things just seem a little ... unsatisfying. I don't see Jamie Kate and Sara nearly enough, the times we catch up are amazing but few and far between. And it's funny but I really feel like if that were fixed than this year would have been great! I thought there was a lot to complain about, but after writing this I think that maybe the only thing that made the second half of this year suck was not seeing Jamie and company nearly enough. Changes made things different I guess. (Well, duh Mary). I just hope that I am able to quite being selfish and see Jamie more this semester. And I hope that living in our house will be as amazing as we envision it. I'm pretty sure that it will be ... :)

Well, I guess that was 2005 in a nutshell. I really do have high hopes for 2006, let's see how this goes ....

Here are my resolutions that I wrote about this time last year ...


Resolutions '05
*When I'm hurt by someone and resolve to kick them out of my life, make sure that I don't invite them back in
That would have been Brian I was talking about there, and I think that I *finally* kept that resolution this year. About time. And I don't think that it happened with anyone else this year.
*Lose Weight
Eh, I think that I did this. But I'm probably mostly the same. But I'm definitely more accepting of my body this year compared to last.
* Don't ditch friends for alcohol or boys
I handled this a bit better this year. But I always could improve my decision making. I am selfish way too often.
* Hangout with more people, especially in KD
I believe that I accomplished this one. Living in a house with people will do that too you. But I also found out that I wasn't the only zeta feeling this way. And things have definitely been improving. I have a lot more friends in KD this year.
* Earn Money
Well, literally I did this with Disney Store at home and Hallmark at school. But I guess now I'll need to work on SAVING my money so I actually have something to show for it.
* Don't drunkenly make out with boys I do not have sober feelings for
Well ... I only did that once. And it wasn't a BAD choice. (ahem underwear night). But definitely odd. Anyways, after that I found Joe and kept this resolution for good.
* Stand up for myself more
I think that I've gotten better at this. Although I'll always be passive, it's just way I am.
* Don't repeat the same mistake
Also talking about Brian I think. And I didn't. 2005 was good for something.
* Don't be as obssessed with High School
I think that was mostly just a freshman year of college thing. I did like high school though. But I think I've finally detoxed from it.
* Stay close with Jamie and Katie
Still a resolution this year ... I wish we hadn't drifted so much this semester. But it's nothing unfixable because I know that they will always be there for me as much as I will for them. And when we do hang out it is absolutely the best.


I'm not going to make resolutions this year, but here's to hoping that 2006 is fanstastic for all of us ...