So, I haven't posted in a while. And there's a reason ... but all in due time ... I wish I could control the way people make decisions, or at least the handling of them. But I can't. I can only control my actions and the way I react to them. I hope I haven't royally screwed this one up.

School is going great. It's actually nice to be kept busy with stuff and not spend all my time on facebook or eating/sleeping/being bored. My schedule worked out amazingly. 4 T/T classes and one evening M class. Yep, that leaves Wednesday and Friday FREE! I'll shut up about that now, before my roommate or boyfriend decide to kill me. My classes seem like just the right mix of challenging and easy. Com 215 (Basic Reporting) will be important for me, cuz I'm gonna actually have to go out and *talk* to people. Not something I usually willingly do. Time to go outside my comfort zone and that ... we'll see how it goes.

I got a job! I'll be working at Hallmark in the new mall. So thank God for that, it's nice paying for things with my own money ... while I have it. Let's hope I manage to stay not broke.

Living in Kappa Delta is going well, to be honest I probably am still isolating myself. But I don't feel awkward in my own house at all. I think this year will find me getting closer to a few members of my pledge class, I already feel closer to a few of them. I'll still always be a person with just a few *close* friends here though. I love having Denise as a roommate though, and I'm so glad that it's given us a chance to get to know each other even better than last semester.

Things with Joe are going amazing. I love him. I'm so lucky to have what I have and I hope that it lasts a long time. That's all I feel the need to share, but I wish everyone could feel as happy as I do when I'm with him. Especially recently it's nice to know that he'll be there whenever I need some stability or comfort.

I think the first year in a friendship is crucial. You get to know someone, share experiences with them, and finally feel connected to them in a way that convinces you that you will always be friends with this person. Even though friendships have drifted away in the past, no WAY it can happen with these people. I think that is a naive thought. I mean, how many people do you meet in life and call you "friend". And how many stay that way for years to come? I can think of only a handful. But I also think that if a friendship is really worth it, then everyone involved in it will fight for it. And I'm willing to fight for these ones. Maybe it's just rush rules seperating us for now, maybe it's a bit of stubborness on both sides, and maybe there is an entirely different reason that will come to light, either way I don't care. But I MISS you guys. Freshman year I found a crew, who loved me and who I loved right back. And that will never ever ever change. Even though we are finding different friends and experiences apart from each other, I hope, no - I KNOW, that we can be friends forever. I know this because when someone suggested to me that I might stop being as close of friends with these people, my stomache literally felt like it was twisting and turning and I felt naseaus. I can only speak for myself, but I don't throw away friendships, especially not ones that are this important to me. We really can be those friends whose kids call each other 'aunt' and 'uncle' even though we are totally not related. I don't know why I felt the need to write this, or if it will even matter when things happen. But I just felt like calling a time out and telling you guys that I love you. And always always will. Thanks for being my friend. You know who you are.

"Sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger. I guess the same is true about friends." Felicity

Well anways, now that I probably weirded most of you out. I think it's time for me to go. Mostly because it's time for my 3 classes in a row ... YAY!

Don't mind me, I am just a paranoid worrier ...

From Spirit Week:
Denise: Are you sure we can be here?
Me: Yeah, it's fine, there aren't any freshman girls, right?
Denise: You guys don't have any, like, hiding under your couches right?
Stec: Does it count if they're dead?

Bug (answering phone): This is Justin Stec
Stec: Oh my God, I accidentally called myself?!?

This morning when leaving SAE with Joe:
Joe: Holy Shit what happened in here!
Dean (sweeping up white powder): Some asshole thought it would be funny when the song "Pour Some Sugar on Me" came on, to take all the sugar and pour it on the girls. What a bastard ... Seriously who would do that? Freaking asshole ...
Joe: Do you know who did it?
Trevor: *points at Dean*

Oh I love SAE antics.

I feel nauseous ...

Wow, so has it really only been a week and a half since I have been back at Bradley? It has seemed like a month. It's so good to be home. I am finding my way of life slowly but surely for the year. I love being down here because I am on my own. I make my own decisions (and i'm actually enjoying that, who'd have thought?) I am searching out a job, figuring out classes, and so much more all on my own. No reporting back to anyone else. I just love it down here. I get to spend more time with Joe. And just after his past week I feel so much closer to him that I ever have before. I know/love/ and trust him completely. I can't believe that I have found what I have with him. I can't wait until rush rules are over and I can spend time at our respective abodes. I have gotten closer with Denise which has been amazing. I love her, and we make great roomie, we transitioned into it practically seemlessly. When Jamie, Kate, and Sara came back my life felt complete. I wish I got to see them more often, but I just love knowing that they are here. And seeing them is always amazing. Yesterday we had quite the scare. And all I have to say is that I am so grateful to God for keeping Jamie and Kate safe last night. I cry everytime I think about what could have happened if Jamie was driving just a little bit slower. I think I realized just how much I love them when I realized that I could lose them. Holy Crap, I'm gonna start crying again, I need to stop.

So first day of classes went alright. I had 2 job interviews. That brings my total of completed interviews to 3. And at least 1 more to come. I really want the Hallmark job at the new mall. But we will just have to see ... I had one class today. Political Science 209. The teacher made it clear that it is going to be a complex and CHALLENGING class. It's basically a Political Science Statistics class. I am very intimidated. Now, I am always up for an academic challenge, but this class is for my Poli Sci minor, which I really don't even know if I want anymore. So I took the last spot open for a Monday evening Western Civ class with a professor I hear good things about. I'm going to feel out the Poli Sci class more on Friday but I think I'll probably drop it. Which means .....

I WON'T HAVE ANY CLASS ON WEDNESDAYS AND FRIDAYS!!! I heart being a com major!

Also, by bio text is 'reccommended' and not 'required'. I bought it, but I heard that you really don't need it. Going toclass and the notes are enough for an 'A'. So after I feel *that* class out, I'm probably going to sell back that bip book. Which means an extra 96 dollars in my pocket.

I am liking the way things are working out ...

I fucking love my friends so much it huts sometimes.

I hope everyone from home is settling into school as happily as I am. Sorry I suck and keeping in touch. Bradley is just such a whirlwind I lose track of how long it's been since I've talked to some of my friends. I love you all!!!

It's good to be home ...

That's all I've got for now

Holy .................. wow, I don't even know anymore ... batman!

Thank you to Susie for an amazing Steak and Shake run. You saved me a lot of stupid things being said on this blog right now. Thank you to Bradley for awesome random times. Thank you to Bug, Denise, and Joel for an amazing porch talk.

I don't even know. But let's just hope for the best possible .... everything.

Random thoughts out of my head from Spirit Week:

I love Bradley. I'm stressed out. Rush rules suck. I have a headache and the freshman aren't even here yet! Denise is a kick-ass roommate. We live together so easily :). I love my boyfriend. I wish someone wasn't a bitch. I miss Jamie and everyone else from the crew. I am honestly really enjoying living with mt KD sisters. I hate wasting time on projects and then needing to start them all over. I wish I had more free time during the day. I have only the second headache that I have ever had in my life. Something unexpected and exciting happened yesterday. I wish I could just sleep over at Joe's because that always makes me feel better about whatever is going wrong in my life. I wish MY rush consisted of mandatory parties from 10-1. Jamie's commenter: Get a life. The drama that is going to errupt in the next few weeks ... makes me sick to my stomache mostly because I know I can't do a damn thing about it. Can rush be over right now?

"Seriously, am I speaking English? I feel like I'm speaking Potrugese!"
"Hey, my card matches your shirt"
"Why am I ALWAYS being made fun of?" "Because it's just so easy, you're at the bottom of the Potem Tole"

Holy Peoria antics batman!!!

So here I am, back home. Moving in was so strange and surreal. I'm finally on my own again, and if possible it feels almost as weird as it did last year! I can't wait for Jamie Kate and Sara to get their asses down here, and it life here will be complete. Till then I have a feeling that things might be a bit odd. THank GOD for Denise, without her I think that I would feel like a stranger in here.

Everything is the same, yet everything is different. It's going to be an odd adjustment into this 2nd year of college. Like, I keep forgetting my car is here. It's just right there. So if it's raining and we have to go to the gas station for cigarettes (for Denise, not me) we don't have to *walk*. Duh. You'd think this would be an obvious realization. Things are just like last year, except different. I don't know what exactly I'm trying to get at ... Basically it's a new year and I am only slowly realizing what that means.

So onto the INSANITY of last night. Denise and I went over to Bug's house and mauled him. I mean tackled and raped him. I mean .... Oh how I love Bug and I hadn't seen him since the last night in Peoria!!! In honor of last year Bug, Denise, Laura, and her roommate Suzie power houred it Keystone style. *sniff* what memories ... I drunk dialed Jamie, Sara, and Kane from Laura's cell phone, and had many a talk with Bug and Laura. And then things got a little rocky and one of our crew needed a little looking after. But hey, that is what we're here for. So I escorted Denise back into the KD house and so my first night in Peoria ended with me getting Denise a trash can and passing out in my top bunk ... Why do i have a feeling this isn't going to be the last night like this?

Jamie Kate and Sara GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! I demand it!!! ;)

LET THE PEORIA CRAZINESS BEGIN!!!

Caryn: Have a good year ... or life.
Me: Whichever comes first
Me: Oh wait ...

What an ending to the summer. Ashley's Fenwick barbeque was a roaring success. It was great to see everybody and practically all elements of the night were perfect. Great friends, great hyperness, great pictures, great innapropriate touching, and great quotes! I'm actually quite sad that my summer is ending. Even though I am ridiculously excited to be going back down to Peoria tomorrow. The summer lasted forever yet somehow it seems that the day to move back down came quickly.

The night started out a little bit blah ... but I hope the cause of that will be attributed to paranoia and be fine once we, er I mean I, am back at Bradley.

This week was fantastic. The reunion of Muffy and Kiki, hanging out with Johanna, Chris, Marty, and others, seeing Tim, Girls Movie night, St. B's gathering, and finally Ashley's house. It was just the perfect ending to the summer. Only seeing Joe during it would have made it better.

And I finally go back to Peoria tomorrow!!! And then a week later Jamie Kate and Sara join us!!! I can't wait to see everyone and reunite with all the randomness that really is Bradley.

I am super tired.

I feel like something is just starting, yet the summer is ending. Ah well, I really loved hanging out with Johanna, Chris, and Marty these past few days. I love that they will always be there for me no matter what, kinda like a second family. Like, it doesn't matter if I don't talk to Chris or Marty for a few months. Because they are like my brothers, they will always be around. I hope.

Girls movie night rocked. Honestly, not in the obligatory ' i have to say that everytime it happens' kind of way haha. Great group of girls and tons of talking and laughing. Good times.

I have so much to do before I leave Saturday morning. And I am going to fall asleep on my laptop if i type anymore tonight so goodnight.

Typing sleepy is nearly as bad as drunk blogging i would venture to say.

Time needs to slow the fuck down! I can't wait to get down to Bradley but I have so much crammed into the next few days before I go that I'm getting a bit stressed out. But a good stressed out I guess, since Bradley is getting so close.

And with all the running around I don't really have time to do that analytical thing that I do about everyone else's problems. I mean seriously, if left to my own devices I start becoming concerned about not only my close friends situations and problems but that girl from my class whose blog I read, or my friend from high school who I haven't seen all summer. It's ridiculous. Thoughts are just crissing and crossing my head at a million miles a minute about what i need to do before bradley, thinking about hwo things are going to be different this year, how great it will be to see people at school, concerned about friendships from back home, preoccupied with how rush rules will affect my frienships outside KD. How I will click with the KD girls this year .... AHHH too much to think about. I'm shutting my brain off until next week sometime!!!!!!!!!

I missed Johanna and Chris. Why do they have to come back for just a week before I head off to Peoria??? I love when I'm talking with Johanna and all of a sudden I am saying things that I didn't even *realize* I was feeling until I said them outloud while rambling to her. She's one of the only people I can do that with. I'm looking forward to seeing her and her boyfriend this week. Man, that is weird to say ...

Chris and I really do act like we are 3 year olds. But mentally we probably are, so what's the difference. I missed the beatings over the summer ... man I think I am a twisted girl.

Speaking of this week all of a sudden I have waaay too much to do in waaaay too little of time!!! EEP! Shopping, packing, seeing Johanna and company, a girls movie night, a fenwick bbq, working, seeing friends, more shopping, last minute packing, appointments, and more packing. I hope I manage to fit it all in!!!

Wow, long time no post. I've been working a lot, mostly downtown at StewCom, VERY nice for my bank account. It will be a relieft heading to Peoria with some funds. I still most definitely need a job at school but I've got a start at least.

I had my last Lemont adventure for the summer, I can't believe that I won't be seeing Maria until Christmas Break most likely. I've gotten so used to seeing her regularly this summer. I'll miss her, but thank goodness for the glory of aol instant messenger.

Johanna came back to town tonight!!! So we had a Panera date and then ended up at Tim's house and saw Caryn, Phine, Kate, Dom, Mark, and Petria. It was a delightfully random gathering. And seeing Johanna again was AWESOME. It's been such a weird summer without having Johanna and Chris around. I can't believe I only get a week of them before I head off again.

I used one of those "Rip, Slip, Brush, AHHH" things for the firs time today. It really DID feel like I just brushed my teeth! I'm a nerd I know, but I thought you would all be interested in finding out that random fact about my day.

Man, for not posting in such a long time I feel like i should have more to talk about. *ah well* Life's been pretty good. I am feeling bad about my summer a little though, like I wasted it a little. I worked some, saw people some. But not nearly enough, and i don't know what the hell was with my lack of keeping in touch with ... well ... with anyone regularly. I guess I dropped the ball with a lot of people this summer. But I finally feel back on track with a lot of people and that feels great. I don't want to be all whine-y on my blog again (haha just kidding, you know i had to mention that Caryn ;) hehe) but just thoughts going through my head.

I can't believe I go back to Bradley in just one week. But at the same time I really can't wait. I'm apprehensive about the way the first few weeks before rush goes but I just want to be down at school and dive right in.

Maria: Remember when you used to be able to recognize a song by the title?
Mary: Yeah, I know like today it's like here's a song called "sandwich", it goes " i love you foreeeever"
Maria: Yeah, back then it would be yeah the song called 'sandwich', oh yeah i know that one it goes 'sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich..."

That was funnier outloud ... :-P