In honor of thanksgiving I want to let everyone know what I am thankful for today :

My family, I love my mom, dad, brother, sister and extended family. Bridget, Mark, Grandma, Susie and her family. I am grateful for the closeness of my family, and how goofy we can all be at times. I love confiding in Susie and all the great talks we have. I am grateful for how alike we both are, someone understands exactly where I come from.

My friends at school. They have made my life for the past year and a half. I can't imagine my life without them. Regardless of drama going on, they are each always there for me. And they mean the world to me. I am so thankful that they came into my life.

My friends at home. I've reached the point where my friends back home aren't in constant change, they are who they are. And I am so grateful for my friends who have stuck by me during college. I know they don't always understand what i do at college, but they let me know that they love me regardless of my craziness. I live for breaks and meeting with each of you guys again. You connect my past to my present and I am grateful for that link.

My health. I am lucky to be healthy. Especially since I avoid doctors and medice and the like. I am thankful for my good health. I am truly blessed there. And I feel guilty for it sometimes when I hear about friends who aren't so lucky.

My faith. Although I don't show thanks often enough for God, I really am grateful for all the He does for me. I can't even comprehend how much he truly has done for me.

My boyfriend. I can't express just HOW thankful I am to have Joe in my life. He means the world to me, and I am so so thankful that he came into my life. He has done so much for me, I look forward to seeing him whenever I'm not with him. I have been truly given a gift.

Musicals, especially Rent at the moment. Oh me and my addictive personality. I've listened to the soundtrack on repeat all day.

Stuffing and Mashed Potatoes. Two of my favorite foods. YUM!

I am grateful for Pancakes, Chicken fingers, and cheese pizza. They have been good to me this year.


That's it for the moment.

So I think that I've been forgetting that this thing exists a little bit. I guess that I never update because I am always at Joe's at night, so I don't have the bored 2am nights anymore. But now I'm home for break so random websurfing nights have returned! lol This blog will probably be a largely random collection of thoughts, but when isn't it, right? Don't mind any random introspections on life/love and the like by the way, cuz I just finished watching 'Before Sunset'

So it's weird, during the summer sometime I wrote a manifesto of sorts about all my past romantic/crush/sexual partners. For no reason, just out of boredom and memory and thought, and to get it all out of my system I guess, it was no holds barred truth, and it felt so good to write it that I even considered putting it onto the web. Because I felt so free being completely honest and truthful in one document. I ultimately decided against that, and just put it away. So anyway, I just re-read it the other night and I had absolutely no recollection of some of the things that I wrote about. It was as if as I wrote it on paper I purged it from my memory. I think it was one of the healthiest things that I have ever done because now the people that I wrote about don't mean anything to me. They are just on paper. I can look at it to remember, but the feelings are gone.

Changing directions ...

I just realized that nearly one year ago I was finished my first semester of college as a fresman. And I remember having a deep convo with Jamie about how we felt things changing. We were enjoying being freshman and all the drinking partying and hooking up that went along with that for us. But at the same time I think we felt the winds changing and we just knew that when we returned for the spring something would be different. I, for one, felt like I was on the verge of something big. I had the feeling that second semester would bring something really huge to my life, I just had no fucking clue what it would be. Weird looking back, to see how things really did change that second semester. We were still ridiculous freshman, but soon I met Joe and my life changed. And Jamie started a relationship, and we all matured in ways we never saw coming. That was nearly a year ago. And that freaks me out a bit because time is going FAST!

I am looking forward to my future but at the same time scared that I am not living in the moment. I try to just enjoy where I'm at but then inevitably I start to realize how old I'm getting and freak out just a little.

Changing momentum yet again ...

I'm so glad to be home for Thanksgiving. I look forward to coming home 10 times more this year than last. I'm not sure why, but I like it. I love just sitting around my house with my family. Learning about John's personal life from the vague hints that he gives and the details that I force out of him, hearing my sisters drama (13 year old drama, oh man do i miss that haha, wait maybe not !), and laughing and sharing stories with my parents. I just love it all. And I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends. I'm so lucky to have such close friends back here at home. I know I don't do my best at keeping it touch while I'm down at Bradley. We all have our seperate lives during the school year, but that never really affects our friendships here. And I love that.

Tomorrow I get to see Maria, get a hair cut (finally!), and see RENT with some amazing girls. I can't wait!

PS I love Jamie so much sometimes it makes me want to cry ....

Jamie: i feel the same way! i heart you to fucking pieces
Jamie: and then those pieces i love even more
Jamie: until only science nerds can define it

Today?: Typical Tuesday, had some class, some group meeting, snuck some day time spent with Joe in since i can't shack during i-week, ate dinner at KD and now i'm just wasting time till i have to go cover a lecture for a field assignment. I HATE COM215!!!

Last weekend?: Caught up with Susie on friday, and then SAE kegs and Hallmark. It was a rather pleasant weekend.

Yesterday?: Worked at Hallmark 10-2, Group Project 2:30, Western Civ 4-6:15, facebook, wrote my field assignment. I am really not liking the productivity my days have been taking.

New Years Eve?: Got wasted with Jamie and Lisa. hahaha good memories. And I DO have the pictures (buried, buried)

Valentines Day?: I had just started dating Joe that weekend, so he came over and we hung out for a bit. Nothing extraordinary. (He'd better deliver this year though jk)

Easter?: I don't have a memory of Easter, is that sad? Oh wait, I was at school since we don't have off, and I ditched church for the first Easter of my life. That's about all that I remember.

Halloween?: Didn't really acknowledge it. Normal Monday activities. The saturday prior was pretty quality though. Drinking at SAE in costumes. Yeah, Bradley doesn't really come through on Halloween weekend. Damn taskforce!

Thanksgiving?: Dinner at my house. First year it wasn't at my grandma's. I don't remember much besides that.

Christmas Eve?: Traditional festivities. Opened presents with my mom's family at my grandma's. Once again all that I remember. I really need to make my holidays more memorable.

Christmas Day?: Opened gifts in the morning, and later had a family dinner at our house. And later .... let's not talk about it.

A week from now?: I'll be preparing to come home for Thanksgiving!!!

A month from now?: I'll be done with finals and heading home soon!

A year from now?: I'll be 21!!!!

***Currently***

Who are you talking to?: Nobody. Not even myself.

What are you listening to?: Denise's music.

What/Who are you thinking about?: How much I love Joe. I'm pathetic, I'm sorry. Also how much I REALLY don't want to go to this lecture at 7:30 but how much I KNOW I really should.

What are you eating/drinking?: Diet Pepsi, are you shocked?

What are you looking forward to?: My PR Presentation being OVER, and coming home for break

What are you dreading?: writing this field assignment. I want Basic Reporting to be OVER. Thank god I switched majors from Journalism to Public Relations ...

How are you feeling?: Pretty neutral at the moment.

How is your hair?: Down *GASP* I'm challenging myself to blow dry it and actually wear it OUT of a pony tail all week in an attempt to figure out how I want to get it cut over break.

What time is it? 6:30, 1 hour till that stupid lecture...

What are you annoyed by?: I will refrain ...

***When was the last time you...***

Smiled? I think that I smile somewhat frequently. But in particular when I was at Joe's.

Laughed? When thinking about a silly memory while reading Johanna's survey

Cried? Friday night :-/

Danced? KD Semi Formal probably, which was last Saturday.

Were sarcastic? Constantly.

Kissed someone? this afternoon :)

Talked to an Ex?: Hm, depends on the definition of 'ex' I suppose ... but I honestly can't even remember. That's probably a good thing ...

***A Last time for everything***

Last book you read: No clue. I need to work on that 'reading for fun' thing.

Last movie you saw: I don't remember. Damn my memory SUCKS!

Last song you heard: Wonderfull Tonight

Last thing you had to drink: Diet Pepsi .... I have a *slight* addiction

Last time you showered: this morning, yay being clean

Last thing you ate: Angel Hair Pasta ... mmmm good job chef!

***Do You...***

Smoke? try not to.

Do drugs? when I feel the whim.

Sleep with stuffed animals? nope, I get to cuddle with Joe instead O:-)

Live in the moment? Getting better and better at that ...

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yep!

Have a dream that keeps coming back? I've been dreaming about Public Relations for Corn Stock Theatre recently. It's scary. I can't wait for that project to be OVER!

Play an instrument? Not for the past 6 years ...

Believe there is life on other planets? I'm neutral.

Remember your first love? Toss up. Either Eric Vallez from 2nd grade or Joe. I'm leaning toward Joe. I might have been to immature to know what love was in 2nd grade.

Still love him/her? Yep, and always will. As naive as that sounds.

Read the newspaper? not nearly as much as i should

Have any gay or lesbian friends? yup

Believe in miracles? definately

Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes

Consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes, I think that is one of my best qualities.

Like the taste of alcohol? mmmmm.

Have a favorite candy? Reeses. Butter Finger. yum.

Believe in God? Yes

Have any secrets? probably

Have any pets? I want a puppy!

Do well in school? I get by pretty well. Imagine how good I could do if I actually APPLIED myself to things!

Where do go to college? Bradley University. Having more fun than you since 1897! :)

Talk to strangers who instant message you? To find out who they are. beyond that probably not

Have any piercings? just my ears. I'm boring.

Have any tattoos? nope, don't plan on that

Have an obsession? I have an addictive personality. I'm always obsessed with one thing or another.

Collect anything? memories. Pictures. Shot glasses.

Have a best friend? I'm lucky enough to have several

Like your handwriting? Not at all.

I'm not quite sure why I asked Megan if she was going to church tonight ... I hadn't been particularly preoccupied with God lately, or worried about my relationship with him. I've always sort of meant to start going to church again, but I just never followed through. So when I asked Megan if she was going I don't even know if I planned to follow through on going. But luckily she dragged me along. I was willingly dragged. I found myself praying tonight thanks for all the renewals of friendships that I've been feeling at Bradley. And I found myself thinking, why not use this time of strengthening friendships to work on my relationship with God. I think that it's been in hibernation for too long.

My favorite part of the mass, I've decided, is singing the songs. I think it's because it ties it all together for me. When I know the songs by heart because they are the same ones that I sung for years at St. Bernardines. It really makes the mass like an old friend. And i love singing along, one of the only situations that I can do that without feeling self concious. Some of the words are so beautiful. Whenever I find myself in a mass that the cantor does all the singing, or the songs are sung in a different tempo, pitch, or I've never heard the songs before, make me almost gyped. I just don't feel the same connection to the mass sometimes.

Surprisingly relgious post for me tonight, but hey, I have a feeling a lot of things in my life are starting anew starting soon.

I have a field assignment due in Com215 Tuesday, and my major PR presentation next week. And I have lost all ability to be productive. Even though Joe has tons of homework to do too, and I probably won't end up over there until much later. This lack of motivation worries me slightly ...

My life is just one big turning point in every friendship I have here.

But I think that it's a good thing.

My life is just one big turning point in every friendship I have here.

But I think that it's a good thing.