Happy New Years Eve everyone! I hope everyone has a spectacular night! I know I will because I get to see my long lost roommate! :) I had begun to think that I had retreated back to high school forever! haha jk. The ending of 2004 has found me at a surprisingly good place. I'm finding closure a lot of places I never expected to find it, continuing a lot of awesome friendships, and just enjoying life for once without anything hanging over my head. I'm gonna enjoy this calm in the storm while I can!
May 2005 be a party for all! Later Kids!
Thursday, December 30, 2004
heheh I love you Annie .... i'm Les Mis. How Perfect :)
You are Les Miserables!
What WONDERFUL musical are you?
brought to you by
You are Les Miserables!
What WONDERFUL musical are you?
brought to you by
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
My will power is improving! Well at least in the compulsive blogging aspect, can I help it if I have an addictive personality?? Break is going good, but I'm itching to get back to Bradley a little bit now. But I am having a great time with friends from back home and I know I'll miss them too. Can't I just mix the best of both worlds into one ultra cool world? Ah well ...
It's so funny that everytime I come home for a break I'm going to be returning to high school. That is kinda a scary thought. I was kinda thinking I had escaped it, but really I'll just be reliving the same drama and relationships in different forms for the NEXT 4 years of my life, AH!
Phantom of the Opera is a freaking fantastic movie! And I am obsessed with the sountrack ... in a really disgusting and disturbing way. I just can't stop listening! I'm working on it tho I'm listening to fallout boy right now instead of Phantom! Woo! Go me! (Jamie you'd better hope I've outgrown it by the time we're back or you're gonna shoot me haha)
I love seeing old friends over break like old times, and I also like seeing which friends bother to call me and hang out and which don't, it's interesting
I've discovered that if only Eric Vallez hadn't have moved to Florida my life would be much different, I'm gonna look that kid up and marry him, mark my words! We should all go back and marry our 2nd grade loves! Or marry The Phantom. One of the two lol.
****
I feel a lot of end of the year, beginning of the new one musing coming on, so beware ...
Wow, the year 2004 is coming to an end ... This year was marked by the ending of high school memories and the beginning of college memories. Yet, for all the so called change, things are pretty much the same when it comes right down to it. I wonder if we will ever escape the cycles? I'm not having much luck with it, although for some reason I feel a transition coming up this year. High School is over, and my high school friends have begun a new period of life which I am lucky to be a part of in some of their cases. I've lost touch with some, but I can live with that. I feel like right now I want to make a break. Not with all my friends, but just from the Mary from high school. I'm ready to move on to whatever life has in store for me. Also, I don't know how this plays into all of this but I have decided that I DO believe in romantic love. I know I know, please no "I told you sos". I just aren't sure if I will ever find it or if I have already passed it up without realizing it. But no matter what I have to stop looking to the past for the answers to my problems and questions ... because I have a feeling that they can only be found my looking ahead. I'm really itching to get back to Bradley and get back to my new life there. I miss all my Bradley friends and being far away from high school drama.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happyI would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
It's so funny that everytime I come home for a break I'm going to be returning to high school. That is kinda a scary thought. I was kinda thinking I had escaped it, but really I'll just be reliving the same drama and relationships in different forms for the NEXT 4 years of my life, AH!
Phantom of the Opera is a freaking fantastic movie! And I am obsessed with the sountrack ... in a really disgusting and disturbing way. I just can't stop listening! I'm working on it tho I'm listening to fallout boy right now instead of Phantom! Woo! Go me! (Jamie you'd better hope I've outgrown it by the time we're back or you're gonna shoot me haha)
I love seeing old friends over break like old times, and I also like seeing which friends bother to call me and hang out and which don't, it's interesting
I've discovered that if only Eric Vallez hadn't have moved to Florida my life would be much different, I'm gonna look that kid up and marry him, mark my words! We should all go back and marry our 2nd grade loves! Or marry The Phantom. One of the two lol.
****
I feel a lot of end of the year, beginning of the new one musing coming on, so beware ...
Wow, the year 2004 is coming to an end ... This year was marked by the ending of high school memories and the beginning of college memories. Yet, for all the so called change, things are pretty much the same when it comes right down to it. I wonder if we will ever escape the cycles? I'm not having much luck with it, although for some reason I feel a transition coming up this year. High School is over, and my high school friends have begun a new period of life which I am lucky to be a part of in some of their cases. I've lost touch with some, but I can live with that. I feel like right now I want to make a break. Not with all my friends, but just from the Mary from high school. I'm ready to move on to whatever life has in store for me. Also, I don't know how this plays into all of this but I have decided that I DO believe in romantic love. I know I know, please no "I told you sos". I just aren't sure if I will ever find it or if I have already passed it up without realizing it. But no matter what I have to stop looking to the past for the answers to my problems and questions ... because I have a feeling that they can only be found my looking ahead. I'm really itching to get back to Bradley and get back to my new life there. I miss all my Bradley friends and being far away from high school drama.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happyI would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Thursday, December 23, 2004
*whew* back to regularly scheduled blogging topics ... the past few days have been a combination of really fun, very awkward, incredible awesome, and exhausting. I've gotten to see a lot of friends and break is going by a lot faster than I thought it would. Then again, the real long stretch will be coming after the holidays I'm sure. Well, I really didn't have too much to say, I just thought I should add a less serious post following my rant lol. Later All.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
WARNING: OPINIONS FOLLOW. YOU MAY NOT AGREE WITH THEM. DON'T SAY THAT I DIDN'T WARN YOU. PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ME FOR MY OPINIONS, I DON'T THINK THAT I ATTACK YOU FOR YOURS.
STICKING UP FOR MYSELF
even if no one else ever sees it
I am sick of being treated as if I have no valid opinions just because I am a girl, a democrat, because I don't attend church while at Bradley, because I consume alcohol regularly, because I don't voice my opinions to everyone and anyone who will listen, or for any other reason that people feel the need to shut down my opinions. I HAVE opinions. And I should be able to have them without being berated all the time!
There are a number of topics I'm gonna rant to myself about ... if only to prove that I do have a brain and it does function once in a while. These are rough opinions and open to discussion and strengthening, as long as the conversation is educated and not accusing.
I'll start simply ... SlipKnot, Orgy, And other hard rock music = When I used to hear people like Ozga rant about their rock music, I usually dismissed it as senseless screaming, and not music that I would ever enjoy listening to. But after being exposed to it through my roommate (Big shout out to Jamie who introduced me to some kick ass music haha), I have discovered that I actually like quite a few songs by Orgy and SlipKnot among others that I never would have thought I would before. Granted, there is still some of the quote unquote 'hard rock' music that I can't really appreciated, mainly the indescipherable screaming. But I do think that people should expose themselves to various types of hard rock music before they judge it and or dismiss it. I suggest Orgys 'punk statik paranoia' cd or slipknots Vol. 3 The Subliminal Verses, especially the songs "duality", "opium of the people", "circle", "vermillion", and "vermillion, pt. 2". At the same time, if you listen to those songs and find that the music still isn't for you, then more power to you, you are an informed music listener. And hey you'll have become just that much more cultured.
Abortion: Alright, now we begin to get a little bit more serious in topic. Alright, the way I see it there are two aspects to the issue. What I think about it morally, and what I think our government should have the power to control about it. I personally believe that no human should take the life of another. I believe that once a baby is concieved its life is precious and should be saved at all costs (unless the mothers's health is in severely in danger). I think that adoption should be the alternative, and abortion should not be an option. I know that for me, personally, if I ever found myelf with an unwanted child, I would opt for adoption. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing my child. For me, life begins at conception, and if you terminate a life after conception, it is murder. However, I believe that government officials should be able to seperate their religious and moral beliefs on the topic of abortion, and look at the effects that government legislation would have. I think that government should not be able to govern a woman's own body. While I still believe a woman should never choose abortion, I do not think that the government should be able to choose for her. If the goverment were to make abortion illegal, it wouldn't stop all abortions, but rather women would find a way to get abortions whether it were legal or not. At least when it is legal, women can find safe and clean places to get the procedure done, instead of going to back alleys and endangering not only their unborn child's life, but their own as well. I think that government officials do need to show their constituents that they do have moral and relgious beliefs and try to instil these beliefs into others, but being in government, individuals need to keep in mind the role of government and the seperation of church and state that we are supposed to be opperating under.
Gay Rights = I think that gay people should have equal rights. Whether or not you personally believe that homosexuality is a choice or not, why should the government have the power to stop two people who believe themselves to be in love from being together? Seperate but equal has been proved unconstitutional already, the issue is the same. And if you argue for the sanctity of marraige, I would like to steal an example I heard from Caryn, which brings up the point of Britney Spears being able to marry twice in one year, 'just for the hell if it'. People marry for money, for fame, for attention, and for other reasons other than love, and how is this sanctity? While two homosexuals who are in love are not allowed the same rights as other couples? I just don't understand the justification for not allowing two gay people to marry. I understand people who feel that homosexuality is wrong, but it is not up to other people to decide for them. It isn't up to anyone to decide for them, I believe that gay people are born that way. But regardless of what you believe about sexual preference, I still think that government should not be able to draw that line. I realize my examples and proof are still sketchy on this issue, but it's one that I am still forming myself, so these are just beginning ideas.
Having Democractic views and voting for Kerry = alight, I don't think that I can defend this one. But I would like to say that it is a damn hard thing to be when the majority of your good friends are republicans, and most of those are VERY strong and opinionated republicans. But just because I am a democrat does not mean that I am an idiot (no wise cracks from the peanut gallery please)
The existance of Love = Now to be honest, I don't know if I can rightly defend this opinion, but recently I have taken to stating that I don't believe in romantic love. I know that I am only 19 and it may be silly to make a statement like this. I still hang on the hope that I can be proven wrong. But it's one of those things that can't be proven to me with logic or questions. I'm waiting for a special person to come along and make me realize how silly that belief is, but as I wait for that person I don't really believe he exists. So that is a conundrum now isn't it? I have thought that I found someone who could have been this person in two different people, but in one I deceived myself and in the other I was deceived, I am going by the relationships that I have seen around me. I see marragies of my friends parents failing, I see marriages working only because the couple has grown accostomed to one another and fall into patterns. As for peer relationships ... I see people cheating on their significant other, I see others being lied to, I see others being led on, I see people being friends with benifits with no hope for anything concrete, I just see deciet and denial. This is just what I see. I see some working relationships, but part of me is just waiting for the negative to surface. I am a pessimist, yet all the while I mainly hope that I am wrong. I believe in love bewteen friends, and parent to child and vice versa, and other types of love. I just don't believe in romantic love. I think that people look for it because it is what the the movies tell us to look for, but it's something we can never really find. Most importantly I do believe in God, so let's not use logic to accuse me of being an athiest. Like I said, hopefully one day I will look back on this opinion and laugh. I can only hope against everything I believe ....
Being judged for not attending church at Bradley = Guilty as charged. No argument. I hope to start going next semester. I feel dissapointed in myself for not going the past semester.
Catholocism and other faiths = I am catholic. I wish that I practiced my faith more openly or with more vigor, and that is something that I hope to deepen as a part of my life. I am very happy that religion has been such an integral part of my life in the past. From going to church with my family, to attending catholic grade school and high school. I don't think that I handled the transition to an enviroment where my religion wasn't being force fed to me and strongly thrown at me all the time as well as I could have. I wasn't used to needing to uphold my own faith on my own, if that makes sense. I need to learn to integrate it stronger into my day to day life and activities. Anyways that just got be off topic BUT. To be honest I don't believe everything the catholic church mandates. I know this might not make me the truest catholic that there is, but for the most part I agree with the religion. I won't just accept thoughts without critically forming my own opinion on the issues however. I am proud to have a faith that I have formed myself and not just been fed by adults around me. I believe that catholocism is the one true faith, HOWEVER, I also believe that all people have equal chance of getting to heaven, whether buddist, muslim, jewish, wiccan, or any other religion of the world. I think that other religions have a lot of insight to offer to catholics. I believe that there are many different paths to the one God. I think that interfaith services are stretching that idea a little bit much, because respecting and understanding other faiths is one thing but practicing these faiths WITH your own faith really negates you having your own faith at all. These thoughts aren't really forming themselves into a coherent platform, but I hope you understand a little of where I am coming from.
"Are you just treating college as 4 years of doing whatever you want without any regard for consequences?" = Short answer, NO. I'm assuming that isn't good enough though. Not that I feel that I really need to explain myself to anyone ... but I will anyway. I'll type it out here so that I don't get knowing or judgemental or mocking faces while I try to explain myself. First of all, I do not think that I am above anyone else because of the choices I have made and the experiences I have had. I also don't think that I am below anyone either. I do view college as a place to experience new things, and step outside of the box I found myself in throughout high school. And I don't see myself acting the same way when I leave college. But none of my actions are done without thinking of the consequences. In fact I think that my foresight has actually improved since experiencing college. I will admit that when I first started drinking and quote unquote partying more, especially this summer, I was doing it for the wrong reasons. And it caused me to hurt some friendships that were luckily strong enough to wait my immatureness out. I wanted to drink to prove myself, or to prove that I wasn't the goody two shoes of my past. I thought I should experience new things so I would be able to say that I had done certain things. That was stupid silly and immature to do. I had great friends and fun things to do without alcohol and it was a really stupid thing to try to replace these great things in my life with alcohol and meeting new people. However, since coming to college, I have increased the frequency of when I drink, but at the same time my motives have changed. I'm not saying that I only drink because that is what my friends do at college, that isn't true. I participate in the social scene at college, which includes drinking. But I could have just as much fun hanging out with the same friends at college without alcohol. I choose to drink underage, but I don't do anything that I consider reckless. I never have been behind the wheel of a car while drunk, nor been driven by anyone under the influence. At college, I've never drank to the point that I get sick, I always know my limit. My drinking does not effect my grades or my duties to my sorority. So, yes, I am experiencing alcohol while in college, in large doses I suppose. I don't plan on always drinking this much, and I dont need alcohol to be happy. I am quite content being without alcohol while at home. I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to go to places where alcohol might be if it means ditching my true friends. I made that mistake this summer, but I make sure to no longer do that. I don't see any consequences to this particular behavior, other than the alienation of my friends who judge me and there is nothing I can do to stop that. People will think what they want. I'm not going to live to meet my friends expectations.
Now as for the other topic that I'm assuming people are jumping to conclusions and questioning me about, is the increase of my "swirve list" so to speak. Well, FIRST of all. Only a very few of my friends really know the specific details of my new experiences in this area. But I know that MANY others have jumped to conclusions without really knowing a god damn thing ... So, I'm not going to post my sexual history up here for everyone and their mom to see, but suffice it to say that it is probably not as bad as many might imagine. Not that I have been an angel at college, I have had new experiences and new guys in my life while at college. But once again I don't think that these experiences have been altogether bad. I view it in much the same way I view the alcohol. It isn't something that I plan to continute after college, in fact I don't plan on continuing it period. I've had a semester of experimenting and trying new things. But that doesn't mean that I have changed my habits completely or permanantly. Not everything I have done is something that I am proud of or plan on continuing. But I don't think that I need to defend every little thing I do to my friends. Alright that got really defensive. But it boils down to the fact that I have experienced new things with guys in college. Nothing that has permanent consequences I see at the moment. Nothing I feel the need to explain to my friends, unless I have already trusted them with the details, and certainly not anything that I deserve to be judged for. Personally, I am sick of the habits I've fallen into with regards to the opposite sex, and I plan to change them. But not because I find anything inherently wrong with them. I am just not finding what I am looking for this way. I think it was a necessary stage in my development though, and nothing that harms me in the long run. Part of me thinks that it is better to mutually use a person for one night rather than to invest a lot of time and energy in a person leadng them to believe you are interested in something more and never following through on anything. I think that I chose the lesser of the two evils. I don't like feeling judged my some of my friends. It's one thing to feel concern for me and care about what I am doing with my life. It is another to judge me without showing true concern for me.
*whew* Sorry. This might have been really dumb. But I needed to do it. Thanks for reading if you did.
STICKING UP FOR MYSELF
even if no one else ever sees it
I am sick of being treated as if I have no valid opinions just because I am a girl, a democrat, because I don't attend church while at Bradley, because I consume alcohol regularly, because I don't voice my opinions to everyone and anyone who will listen, or for any other reason that people feel the need to shut down my opinions. I HAVE opinions. And I should be able to have them without being berated all the time!
There are a number of topics I'm gonna rant to myself about ... if only to prove that I do have a brain and it does function once in a while. These are rough opinions and open to discussion and strengthening, as long as the conversation is educated and not accusing.
I'll start simply ... SlipKnot, Orgy, And other hard rock music = When I used to hear people like Ozga rant about their rock music, I usually dismissed it as senseless screaming, and not music that I would ever enjoy listening to. But after being exposed to it through my roommate (Big shout out to Jamie who introduced me to some kick ass music haha), I have discovered that I actually like quite a few songs by Orgy and SlipKnot among others that I never would have thought I would before. Granted, there is still some of the quote unquote 'hard rock' music that I can't really appreciated, mainly the indescipherable screaming. But I do think that people should expose themselves to various types of hard rock music before they judge it and or dismiss it. I suggest Orgys 'punk statik paranoia' cd or slipknots Vol. 3 The Subliminal Verses, especially the songs "duality", "opium of the people", "circle", "vermillion", and "vermillion, pt. 2". At the same time, if you listen to those songs and find that the music still isn't for you, then more power to you, you are an informed music listener. And hey you'll have become just that much more cultured.
Abortion: Alright, now we begin to get a little bit more serious in topic. Alright, the way I see it there are two aspects to the issue. What I think about it morally, and what I think our government should have the power to control about it. I personally believe that no human should take the life of another. I believe that once a baby is concieved its life is precious and should be saved at all costs (unless the mothers's health is in severely in danger). I think that adoption should be the alternative, and abortion should not be an option. I know that for me, personally, if I ever found myelf with an unwanted child, I would opt for adoption. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing my child. For me, life begins at conception, and if you terminate a life after conception, it is murder. However, I believe that government officials should be able to seperate their religious and moral beliefs on the topic of abortion, and look at the effects that government legislation would have. I think that government should not be able to govern a woman's own body. While I still believe a woman should never choose abortion, I do not think that the government should be able to choose for her. If the goverment were to make abortion illegal, it wouldn't stop all abortions, but rather women would find a way to get abortions whether it were legal or not. At least when it is legal, women can find safe and clean places to get the procedure done, instead of going to back alleys and endangering not only their unborn child's life, but their own as well. I think that government officials do need to show their constituents that they do have moral and relgious beliefs and try to instil these beliefs into others, but being in government, individuals need to keep in mind the role of government and the seperation of church and state that we are supposed to be opperating under.
Gay Rights = I think that gay people should have equal rights. Whether or not you personally believe that homosexuality is a choice or not, why should the government have the power to stop two people who believe themselves to be in love from being together? Seperate but equal has been proved unconstitutional already, the issue is the same. And if you argue for the sanctity of marraige, I would like to steal an example I heard from Caryn, which brings up the point of Britney Spears being able to marry twice in one year, 'just for the hell if it'. People marry for money, for fame, for attention, and for other reasons other than love, and how is this sanctity? While two homosexuals who are in love are not allowed the same rights as other couples? I just don't understand the justification for not allowing two gay people to marry. I understand people who feel that homosexuality is wrong, but it is not up to other people to decide for them. It isn't up to anyone to decide for them, I believe that gay people are born that way. But regardless of what you believe about sexual preference, I still think that government should not be able to draw that line. I realize my examples and proof are still sketchy on this issue, but it's one that I am still forming myself, so these are just beginning ideas.
Having Democractic views and voting for Kerry = alight, I don't think that I can defend this one. But I would like to say that it is a damn hard thing to be when the majority of your good friends are republicans, and most of those are VERY strong and opinionated republicans. But just because I am a democrat does not mean that I am an idiot (no wise cracks from the peanut gallery please)
The existance of Love = Now to be honest, I don't know if I can rightly defend this opinion, but recently I have taken to stating that I don't believe in romantic love. I know that I am only 19 and it may be silly to make a statement like this. I still hang on the hope that I can be proven wrong. But it's one of those things that can't be proven to me with logic or questions. I'm waiting for a special person to come along and make me realize how silly that belief is, but as I wait for that person I don't really believe he exists. So that is a conundrum now isn't it? I have thought that I found someone who could have been this person in two different people, but in one I deceived myself and in the other I was deceived, I am going by the relationships that I have seen around me. I see marragies of my friends parents failing, I see marriages working only because the couple has grown accostomed to one another and fall into patterns. As for peer relationships ... I see people cheating on their significant other, I see others being lied to, I see others being led on, I see people being friends with benifits with no hope for anything concrete, I just see deciet and denial. This is just what I see. I see some working relationships, but part of me is just waiting for the negative to surface. I am a pessimist, yet all the while I mainly hope that I am wrong. I believe in love bewteen friends, and parent to child and vice versa, and other types of love. I just don't believe in romantic love. I think that people look for it because it is what the the movies tell us to look for, but it's something we can never really find. Most importantly I do believe in God, so let's not use logic to accuse me of being an athiest. Like I said, hopefully one day I will look back on this opinion and laugh. I can only hope against everything I believe ....
Being judged for not attending church at Bradley = Guilty as charged. No argument. I hope to start going next semester. I feel dissapointed in myself for not going the past semester.
Catholocism and other faiths = I am catholic. I wish that I practiced my faith more openly or with more vigor, and that is something that I hope to deepen as a part of my life. I am very happy that religion has been such an integral part of my life in the past. From going to church with my family, to attending catholic grade school and high school. I don't think that I handled the transition to an enviroment where my religion wasn't being force fed to me and strongly thrown at me all the time as well as I could have. I wasn't used to needing to uphold my own faith on my own, if that makes sense. I need to learn to integrate it stronger into my day to day life and activities. Anyways that just got be off topic BUT. To be honest I don't believe everything the catholic church mandates. I know this might not make me the truest catholic that there is, but for the most part I agree with the religion. I won't just accept thoughts without critically forming my own opinion on the issues however. I am proud to have a faith that I have formed myself and not just been fed by adults around me. I believe that catholocism is the one true faith, HOWEVER, I also believe that all people have equal chance of getting to heaven, whether buddist, muslim, jewish, wiccan, or any other religion of the world. I think that other religions have a lot of insight to offer to catholics. I believe that there are many different paths to the one God. I think that interfaith services are stretching that idea a little bit much, because respecting and understanding other faiths is one thing but practicing these faiths WITH your own faith really negates you having your own faith at all. These thoughts aren't really forming themselves into a coherent platform, but I hope you understand a little of where I am coming from.
"Are you just treating college as 4 years of doing whatever you want without any regard for consequences?" = Short answer, NO. I'm assuming that isn't good enough though. Not that I feel that I really need to explain myself to anyone ... but I will anyway. I'll type it out here so that I don't get knowing or judgemental or mocking faces while I try to explain myself. First of all, I do not think that I am above anyone else because of the choices I have made and the experiences I have had. I also don't think that I am below anyone either. I do view college as a place to experience new things, and step outside of the box I found myself in throughout high school. And I don't see myself acting the same way when I leave college. But none of my actions are done without thinking of the consequences. In fact I think that my foresight has actually improved since experiencing college. I will admit that when I first started drinking and quote unquote partying more, especially this summer, I was doing it for the wrong reasons. And it caused me to hurt some friendships that were luckily strong enough to wait my immatureness out. I wanted to drink to prove myself, or to prove that I wasn't the goody two shoes of my past. I thought I should experience new things so I would be able to say that I had done certain things. That was stupid silly and immature to do. I had great friends and fun things to do without alcohol and it was a really stupid thing to try to replace these great things in my life with alcohol and meeting new people. However, since coming to college, I have increased the frequency of when I drink, but at the same time my motives have changed. I'm not saying that I only drink because that is what my friends do at college, that isn't true. I participate in the social scene at college, which includes drinking. But I could have just as much fun hanging out with the same friends at college without alcohol. I choose to drink underage, but I don't do anything that I consider reckless. I never have been behind the wheel of a car while drunk, nor been driven by anyone under the influence. At college, I've never drank to the point that I get sick, I always know my limit. My drinking does not effect my grades or my duties to my sorority. So, yes, I am experiencing alcohol while in college, in large doses I suppose. I don't plan on always drinking this much, and I dont need alcohol to be happy. I am quite content being without alcohol while at home. I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to go to places where alcohol might be if it means ditching my true friends. I made that mistake this summer, but I make sure to no longer do that. I don't see any consequences to this particular behavior, other than the alienation of my friends who judge me and there is nothing I can do to stop that. People will think what they want. I'm not going to live to meet my friends expectations.
Now as for the other topic that I'm assuming people are jumping to conclusions and questioning me about, is the increase of my "swirve list" so to speak. Well, FIRST of all. Only a very few of my friends really know the specific details of my new experiences in this area. But I know that MANY others have jumped to conclusions without really knowing a god damn thing ... So, I'm not going to post my sexual history up here for everyone and their mom to see, but suffice it to say that it is probably not as bad as many might imagine. Not that I have been an angel at college, I have had new experiences and new guys in my life while at college. But once again I don't think that these experiences have been altogether bad. I view it in much the same way I view the alcohol. It isn't something that I plan to continute after college, in fact I don't plan on continuing it period. I've had a semester of experimenting and trying new things. But that doesn't mean that I have changed my habits completely or permanantly. Not everything I have done is something that I am proud of or plan on continuing. But I don't think that I need to defend every little thing I do to my friends. Alright that got really defensive. But it boils down to the fact that I have experienced new things with guys in college. Nothing that has permanent consequences I see at the moment. Nothing I feel the need to explain to my friends, unless I have already trusted them with the details, and certainly not anything that I deserve to be judged for. Personally, I am sick of the habits I've fallen into with regards to the opposite sex, and I plan to change them. But not because I find anything inherently wrong with them. I am just not finding what I am looking for this way. I think it was a necessary stage in my development though, and nothing that harms me in the long run. Part of me thinks that it is better to mutually use a person for one night rather than to invest a lot of time and energy in a person leadng them to believe you are interested in something more and never following through on anything. I think that I chose the lesser of the two evils. I don't like feeling judged my some of my friends. It's one thing to feel concern for me and care about what I am doing with my life. It is another to judge me without showing true concern for me.
*whew* Sorry. This might have been really dumb. But I needed to do it. Thanks for reading if you did.
Monday, December 20, 2004
I am sick and tired of being made to feel like my opinions don't matter, that I am uneducated, or that any thought or opinion out of my mouth is worth nothing and should just be mocked and shut down before I even have a chance to explain myself because people assume I wouldn't be able to explain it if I tried. I usually choose not to voice political, religious, or just ANY opinion really, because I would rather keep my mouth shut than be made to look like a fool unjustly.
That said, I hung out with Chris and Marty today.
lol, but anyways, there was much clique bonding had today. It was a fun day, full of the usual, being beat up, mocked, and all that I love about being friends with Chris, Johanna, and Marty. Chris kidnapped us at the early hour of 1o oclock and from there we headed to a mystery location which ended up being "The Ragamuffin coffee house" which is why chris is awesome. And if you don't know why that makes him awesome, well then there is just no way that I could explain it to you. From there we just hung out at Chris's house and watched movies and the like, and ended up at Dennys. Sounds like a perfect day to me, and in a strange way it was. Minus the being berated and judged part, but I guess I brought that upon myself.
R.I.P. Chris the Bird :'-/
I got a job offer from cutco in the mail yesterday. I need to burn it before it brain washes me! haha lol Who gave them my name? (I'm looking at you Ozga! jk)
That said, I hung out with Chris and Marty today.
lol, but anyways, there was much clique bonding had today. It was a fun day, full of the usual, being beat up, mocked, and all that I love about being friends with Chris, Johanna, and Marty. Chris kidnapped us at the early hour of 1o oclock and from there we headed to a mystery location which ended up being "The Ragamuffin coffee house" which is why chris is awesome. And if you don't know why that makes him awesome, well then there is just no way that I could explain it to you. From there we just hung out at Chris's house and watched movies and the like, and ended up at Dennys. Sounds like a perfect day to me, and in a strange way it was. Minus the being berated and judged part, but I guess I brought that upon myself.
R.I.P. Chris the Bird :'-/
I got a job offer from cutco in the mail yesterday. I need to burn it before it brain washes me! haha lol Who gave them my name? (I'm looking at you Ozga! jk)
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Man, I am home at 11 tonight. Bradley and Forest Park are on two completely different time zones. At Bradley I would be going OUT a this time, and here I am coming home. Strange. But I still had a fun night, I went out with Johanna, Brian, Husar, Ozga, Henry, and Walters. It was a different crowd, but a fun night. I saw I, Robot all the way through and didn't sleep through the middle this time ... and I played some ping pong. I hadn't hung out with Brian ... well ... in a very long time, but I'm glad I finally did. Full circle and all that jazz. Also Walters drove me home for the very first time. He's beginning to pay back the 12,000 times I've given him a ride lol. Well, apparently I'm being kidnapped bright and early at 10am tomorrow morning by my clique, so I'm off to bed. later kids
ps all my romances are over. Both a comforting and a saddening thought.
ps all my romances are over. Both a comforting and a saddening thought.
I've never escaped the uncertainty of my childhood. That thought randomly struck me the other day. I think it's a good theme for a poem ... I think that I'll write one.
Christmas break is moving along swimmingly ... So far I've seen Caryn, Ozga, Trish, Walters, and a lot of Johanna and Chris. I've been home since Tuesday night and I've seen 3 movies since. (Christmas with the Kranks, Unfortunate Events, and Finding Neverland) My favorite by far being the last. Oh and hurrah hurrah, I have lost 7 lbs since Thanksgiving. *whew* HUGE sigh of relief! Anorexia pays off! (jk jk) Also I love my democratic friend Caryn, whom I can have long chats with about religion and politics without feeling like I am being judged and indimidated! Also I love my friend Ozga with whom I can appreciate SlipKnot and the like with someone who understands. Also I love my friends who don't listen to slipknot and the like cuz u guys are all cool too. I just love everyone, let's all just get along shall we? Sounds like a plan! I could go on a long and inspired rant here about understanding and the fight against ingnorance and talk about Catholicicism and other religions and democrats and republicans and our generation .... but i'm gonna skip all of that. Cuz I don't feel like being attacked for my beliefs just now. Maybe after Christmas ...
You know what I really like? That high school is over. (*gasp* what mary?!?!) No but seriously, it's just all so BEHIND us now. It's all out there. For the most part the drama has subsided (well the old drama at least) Everyone KNOWS who everyone was in love with, everyong one KNOWS who hated who, and all that jazz. And it doesn't matter now. We see the people we want to and we don't have to deal with the people we don't want to. It's a beautiful thing.
If you got a random phone call from my cell the other night, it wasn't a drunk dial from me, rather it was Chris and Walters comandeering my phone. Ignore those. My apolagies lol.
Well I think it's time for bed, (and yes jamie expect at least 3 posts a day during break, hey i can't help it, im bored and its something to do and i promise i wont complain about not having $ when i come back, SWEAR!) anyways I shall leave you with a truly inspired thought from my roommate ...
StARLETTE0572: fucking life, it thinks its just soo cool
STARLETTE0572: what a punk ass bitch
STARLETTE0572: ill take it down, i swear
Christmas break is moving along swimmingly ... So far I've seen Caryn, Ozga, Trish, Walters, and a lot of Johanna and Chris. I've been home since Tuesday night and I've seen 3 movies since. (Christmas with the Kranks, Unfortunate Events, and Finding Neverland) My favorite by far being the last. Oh and hurrah hurrah, I have lost 7 lbs since Thanksgiving. *whew* HUGE sigh of relief! Anorexia pays off! (jk jk) Also I love my democratic friend Caryn, whom I can have long chats with about religion and politics without feeling like I am being judged and indimidated! Also I love my friend Ozga with whom I can appreciate SlipKnot and the like with someone who understands. Also I love my friends who don't listen to slipknot and the like cuz u guys are all cool too. I just love everyone, let's all just get along shall we? Sounds like a plan! I could go on a long and inspired rant here about understanding and the fight against ingnorance and talk about Catholicicism and other religions and democrats and republicans and our generation .... but i'm gonna skip all of that. Cuz I don't feel like being attacked for my beliefs just now. Maybe after Christmas ...
You know what I really like? That high school is over. (*gasp* what mary?!?!) No but seriously, it's just all so BEHIND us now. It's all out there. For the most part the drama has subsided (well the old drama at least) Everyone KNOWS who everyone was in love with, everyong one KNOWS who hated who, and all that jazz. And it doesn't matter now. We see the people we want to and we don't have to deal with the people we don't want to. It's a beautiful thing.
If you got a random phone call from my cell the other night, it wasn't a drunk dial from me, rather it was Chris and Walters comandeering my phone. Ignore those. My apolagies lol.
Well I think it's time for bed, (and yes jamie expect at least 3 posts a day during break, hey i can't help it, im bored and its something to do and i promise i wont complain about not having $ when i come back, SWEAR!) anyways I shall leave you with a truly inspired thought from my roommate ...
StARLETTE0572: fucking life, it thinks its just soo cool
STARLETTE0572: what a punk ass bitch
STARLETTE0572: ill take it down, i swear
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Bizzare night. Mainly for two reasons, 1) It is super freaky when your brothers friend start looking attractive, creepy, they aren't supposed to grow up that way!!! and 2) I ran into Kathy (Fenwick's old lunch lady) and she looks just like the mom in Bridget Jones Diary!!! I kid you not! Look back fenwickians, it's freaky!
The past day or two has been spent with Mary Rehor, picking Chris and roommate up and Wheaton, and attending my grade school's christmas recital to see Sheila peform. Mary kept me company, and I felt super old afterwards. I relived some grade school memories with Mary. Damn that was a long time ago! Crazy.
Well .... Christmas break continues .....
The past day or two has been spent with Mary Rehor, picking Chris and roommate up and Wheaton, and attending my grade school's christmas recital to see Sheila peform. Mary kept me company, and I felt super old afterwards. I relived some grade school memories with Mary. Damn that was a long time ago! Crazy.
Well .... Christmas break continues .....
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Today was officially the most boring day of my life. LISTEN UP PEOPLE, you need to get home from your respective colleges sooner! Home is boring without all my friends! That is an order!
Isn't it funny how we all went from "how am i gonna exist without my friends for 4 months till xmas break?" to ... "how am i gonna exist without my roommate and friends from college for 1 month!?!". Life is funny like that, we never know what it's got in store for us ...
I rewatched the original Dr Doolittle today. I forgot how much I liked that movie!
Well, hurry back kids! Till later :)
Isn't it funny how we all went from "how am i gonna exist without my friends for 4 months till xmas break?" to ... "how am i gonna exist without my roommate and friends from college for 1 month!?!". Life is funny like that, we never know what it's got in store for us ...
I rewatched the original Dr Doolittle today. I forgot how much I liked that movie!
Well, hurry back kids! Till later :)
And so the survey wins ....
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Mary
2. Chasey
3. Kiki
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. avoiceinmyhead
2. kikikens10213
3. fopoblonde102
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair (sometimes) (when it does the flippy thing TRUST ME lol)
2. I don't get hung over (generally)
3. I'd like to think that I am a friendly person when you get to know me
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my weight / figure
2. My drunk iming (usually)
3. The fact that I am a tad obssessed with high school
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. Irish
3. and more Irish!
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Losing friendships
2. Never finding love
3. Most scary movies
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Keys and Quick Cash
2. cell phone
3. aim
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. BFG T shirt
2. My brothers letterman jacket (NOT becaused I am obsessed with hs, but because it is freakign FREEZING on my backporch!)
3. Grey Pajama Pants
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS: (AT THE MOMENT)
1. The Used
2. Kenny Chesney
3. Poison
(hmmm .... does that make me weird?)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Pure - Orgy
2. Grand Theft Autumn - Fallout Boy
3. Keg in the Closet - Kenny Chesney
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Find a relationship and trust myself to be in it
2. Get my belly button pierced
3. M0ve into a sorority house
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Humor
2. trust
3. good conversations
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I'm fucking freezing right now
2. The world is flat
3. I can't sleep
THREE THINGS ABOUT YOUR PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A sense of humor, he has to be able to make me laugh
2. trustworthy, he has to be able to keep me from crying ...
3. I'm physically attracted to the person
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1. Swallow pills
2. Whistle
3. Snap
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Taking pictures of my friends
2. Napping
3. chatting online/ LJ
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. fall asleep
2. dream sweet dreams
3. be warm and toasty
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Broadcast Journalist
2. Public Relations
3. English Teacher
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Back to London
2. Sevilla (I've gotta see what the hype is about *wink wink*)
3. Ireland (the mother land!)
THREE KIDS NAMES:
1. Kyle
2. Semus (pronounced Shae - mus)
3. Courtney
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get married and have a family
2. let my friends know how much they truly mean to me
3. Deepen my faith in God
THREE REGRETS THAT YOU HAVE:
1. Not fighting for what I almost had last Super Bowl Sunday
2. Cheating on Eric
3. Spending too much time worrying about partying this past summer instead of just going with the flow ...
1. Mary
2. Chasey
3. Kiki
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. avoiceinmyhead
2. kikikens10213
3. fopoblonde102
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair (sometimes) (when it does the flippy thing TRUST ME lol)
2. I don't get hung over (generally)
3. I'd like to think that I am a friendly person when you get to know me
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my weight / figure
2. My drunk iming (usually)
3. The fact that I am a tad obssessed with high school
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. Irish
3. and more Irish!
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Losing friendships
2. Never finding love
3. Most scary movies
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Keys and Quick Cash
2. cell phone
3. aim
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. BFG T shirt
2. My brothers letterman jacket (NOT becaused I am obsessed with hs, but because it is freakign FREEZING on my backporch!)
3. Grey Pajama Pants
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS: (AT THE MOMENT)
1. The Used
2. Kenny Chesney
3. Poison
(hmmm .... does that make me weird?)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Pure - Orgy
2. Grand Theft Autumn - Fallout Boy
3. Keg in the Closet - Kenny Chesney
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Find a relationship and trust myself to be in it
2. Get my belly button pierced
3. M0ve into a sorority house
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Humor
2. trust
3. good conversations
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I'm fucking freezing right now
2. The world is flat
3. I can't sleep
THREE THINGS ABOUT YOUR PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A sense of humor, he has to be able to make me laugh
2. trustworthy, he has to be able to keep me from crying ...
3. I'm physically attracted to the person
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO:
1. Swallow pills
2. Whistle
3. Snap
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Taking pictures of my friends
2. Napping
3. chatting online/ LJ
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. fall asleep
2. dream sweet dreams
3. be warm and toasty
THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Broadcast Journalist
2. Public Relations
3. English Teacher
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Back to London
2. Sevilla (I've gotta see what the hype is about *wink wink*)
3. Ireland (the mother land!)
THREE KIDS NAMES:
1. Kyle
2. Semus (pronounced Shae - mus)
3. Courtney
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get married and have a family
2. let my friends know how much they truly mean to me
3. Deepen my faith in God
THREE REGRETS THAT YOU HAVE:
1. Not fighting for what I almost had last Super Bowl Sunday
2. Cheating on Eric
3. Spending too much time worrying about partying this past summer instead of just going with the flow ...
How do I miss you? Let me count the ways ...
Well i am back in FoPo, and apparently my insomnia has followed me from Peoria. I will never forgive Jamie for letting me catch her insomnia! *sigh* so with my lack of being able to sleep I have decided to compile a list of all the things that I shall miss most about Bradley ....
- A partner in insomnia
- Being able to keep my away messages up 24/7
- A good internet connection without having to steal my family' s internet (shh, what they won't know won't hurt them)
- The sauna that I am used to (brr it's cold out here!)
- My bed!
- My floor (random yelling and all) especially our neighbors to the right and their 80 people
- My Kappa Delta sisters especially Marissa, Whitney, and Denise!
- Keystone
- classses ......... (HAHA just kidding!)
- SAE
- cigarette breaks
- my crew
- hearing the new gwen cd over and over and over and over and over ... ;)
- hearing the latest musings of my roommate and being able to call her nuts like she is
- Pre Nap chats
- did I forget anything?
A month is SUCH a looooooooooong time! I wish I could take all the things that I am looking forward to about break (and there are quite a few things, don't get me wrong) and stuff them into one awesome week! But a month .... that's a long time. Ah well, when we get back to Peoria (or as Joel and his crazy posse would say, PEEIERIEY!!!) it's gonna be a fuckin' party! Or at least it will be extremely good to see everyone again. At least I have Jamie's kick ass pictures to look at if I ever miss crazy SAE antics!
Well, I'm either off to bed (allllll alone *tear*) ... or I'm gonna fill out the new survey I found on nicky's livejournal .... hmm .... well you shall soon find out which one I choose.
To Bradleyans - Have a kick ass break and happy holidays, don't be a stranger, give me a call over break! Especially if you live nearby!
And to people here at home - CALL ME! I'm gonna get bored and I expect some kick ass random get togethers ( you know we're good at those!)
Later All
- A partner in insomnia
- Being able to keep my away messages up 24/7
- A good internet connection without having to steal my family' s internet (shh, what they won't know won't hurt them)
- The sauna that I am used to (brr it's cold out here!)
- My bed!
- My floor (random yelling and all) especially our neighbors to the right and their 80 people
- My Kappa Delta sisters especially Marissa, Whitney, and Denise!
- Keystone
- classses ......... (HAHA just kidding!)
- SAE
- cigarette breaks
- my crew
- hearing the new gwen cd over and over and over and over and over ... ;)
- hearing the latest musings of my roommate and being able to call her nuts like she is
- Pre Nap chats
- did I forget anything?
A month is SUCH a looooooooooong time! I wish I could take all the things that I am looking forward to about break (and there are quite a few things, don't get me wrong) and stuff them into one awesome week! But a month .... that's a long time. Ah well, when we get back to Peoria (or as Joel and his crazy posse would say, PEEIERIEY!!!) it's gonna be a fuckin' party! Or at least it will be extremely good to see everyone again. At least I have Jamie's kick ass pictures to look at if I ever miss crazy SAE antics!
Well, I'm either off to bed (allllll alone *tear*) ... or I'm gonna fill out the new survey I found on nicky's livejournal .... hmm .... well you shall soon find out which one I choose.
To Bradleyans - Have a kick ass break and happy holidays, don't be a stranger, give me a call over break! Especially if you live nearby!
And to people here at home - CALL ME! I'm gonna get bored and I expect some kick ass random get togethers ( you know we're good at those!)
Later All
Monday, December 13, 2004
I have completely forgotten how to study! I should be studying government like a mutha right now. But I'm not. I don't even have anything to blog about, but I'd rather be here talking about absolutely nothing than studying for this government final. I hate this class with a passion and cannot wait until it is over tomorrow. All I want is to stay here and party with all my girls (and guys) without any classes :( Ah well, I've got a lot waiting for me when I come back so at least I have something to look forward to. And now I am going over to Bugs to watch a movie tonight ... guess that means I'd better get some studying done now. Later kids
MTSmedly: you are sick and twisted and you need to be stopped
MaryFeelsJstRght: O:-)
MTSmedly: but I'd probably miss you all the same anyway
MaryFeelsJstRght: aww
MaryFeelsJstRght: now i feel all special
MTSmedly: well don't get used to it!
MTSmedly: this is a one time deal
MTSmedly: done at 6:30 in the morning so no one else will know
hehehehe or so you THOUGHT!
MaryFeelsJstRght: O:-)
MTSmedly: but I'd probably miss you all the same anyway
MaryFeelsJstRght: aww
MaryFeelsJstRght: now i feel all special
MTSmedly: well don't get used to it!
MTSmedly: this is a one time deal
MTSmedly: done at 6:30 in the morning so no one else will know
hehehehe or so you THOUGHT!
MTSmedly: Why did I ever think that befriending the crazy blonde girl at the breakfast table in the morning at Fenwick would be a good idea?
hehehe
It is so 6 am, and I so haven't fallen asleep yet. I might die tomorrow. But ya know, all I have to do is study for my government final and pack for a month at home ... yeah i'm gonna die. but at least mark was up all night to keep me company!
Is it wrong to want to marry a photo album? Damn we are hot shit! I can't wait to show you all back home the kick ass party pics from last night.
Sleep is almost starting to sound good right now ... damn jamie and her insomnia, I swear it's contagious!
MTSmedly: and plus then her retaliation on my birthday would be 100 times worse than whatever you two are cooking up now
MTSmedly: And I for one, want to enjoy my birthday
MTSmedly: The less enjoyment the two of you get out of my birthday, the better
MaryFeelsJstRght: hehe oh stop being so cynical
MaryFeelsJstRght: ud be sad if we didnt do nething for ur birthday. ur looking forward to our madness
MaryFeelsJstRght: cuz
MaryFeelsJstRght: somewhere
MaryFeelsJstRght: deep down inside
MaryFeelsJstRght: i think u kinda like us
MaryFeelsJstRght: mwahahaha
MTSmedly: Mary, how is it possible for me to like you and Johanna deep down inside in my soul if you two have already stolen it?
MTSmedly: and then beat the crap out of it
MTSmedly: I think it's standing on a street corner somewhere downtown asking for loose change
MaryFeelsJstRght: and i feel so far away from high school
MaryFeelsJstRght: its ridiculous
MTSmedly: wow, I never thought I would hear you say you felt that you were far away from high school
MaryFeelsJstRght: im not *that* obssesed .... um ... i dont think i am at least
MTSmedly: lol... you think that
MaryFeelsJstRght: well i think im being cured
MaryFeelsJstRght: its a slow process but its happening lol
MTSmedly: No Mary, that would mean you are *gasp* changing!
MaryFeelsJstRght: oh no! change is horrible!
hehehe
It is so 6 am, and I so haven't fallen asleep yet. I might die tomorrow. But ya know, all I have to do is study for my government final and pack for a month at home ... yeah i'm gonna die. but at least mark was up all night to keep me company!
Is it wrong to want to marry a photo album? Damn we are hot shit! I can't wait to show you all back home the kick ass party pics from last night.
Sleep is almost starting to sound good right now ... damn jamie and her insomnia, I swear it's contagious!
MTSmedly: and plus then her retaliation on my birthday would be 100 times worse than whatever you two are cooking up now
MTSmedly: And I for one, want to enjoy my birthday
MTSmedly: The less enjoyment the two of you get out of my birthday, the better
MaryFeelsJstRght: hehe oh stop being so cynical
MaryFeelsJstRght: ud be sad if we didnt do nething for ur birthday. ur looking forward to our madness
MaryFeelsJstRght: cuz
MaryFeelsJstRght: somewhere
MaryFeelsJstRght: deep down inside
MaryFeelsJstRght: i think u kinda like us
MaryFeelsJstRght: mwahahaha
MTSmedly: Mary, how is it possible for me to like you and Johanna deep down inside in my soul if you two have already stolen it?
MTSmedly: and then beat the crap out of it
MTSmedly: I think it's standing on a street corner somewhere downtown asking for loose change
MaryFeelsJstRght: and i feel so far away from high school
MaryFeelsJstRght: its ridiculous
MTSmedly: wow, I never thought I would hear you say you felt that you were far away from high school
MaryFeelsJstRght: im not *that* obssesed .... um ... i dont think i am at least
MTSmedly: lol... you think that
MaryFeelsJstRght: well i think im being cured
MaryFeelsJstRght: its a slow process but its happening lol
MTSmedly: No Mary, that would mean you are *gasp* changing!
MaryFeelsJstRght: oh no! change is horrible!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Wow
So after all that end of the semester musing I could not have asked for a better Saturday night. Last night was seriously the BEST night I have had at Bradley the entire semester. Who'd have thought considering the day started with 2 finals on a Saturday morning. I spent the morning and afternoon testing and sleeping. WHOA speaking of sleeping, when me and Jamie were laying up in our beds talking like we tend to do prenap lol, Jamie out of NO where says "you have an incoming call" mimicking my phone. And I laughed at her, and then she was like "that would be weird if your phone rings like that now". And I was like yeah, especially since the only way it would make that noise would be if my mom or dad called. And then I exagerate not, TWO MINUTES later we hear "RING, You Have An Incoming Call". And it was my mom!!!! Now, none of you care or realize why I wrote about that but still whoa! Maybe Jamie will appreciate it lol.
So back to why my night was amazing ... Jamie and I started the night off drinking with some of the girls on our floor. We bonded classy style over beer in champagne glasses and rocking out to some kick ass tunes. Yeah Roommate bonding! Then we headed over to our favoritest girls ever! Katie and Sara! We hung out and finished getting ready over there. Sara and Katie and Jamie all looked GORGEOUS! So we headed to SAE's christmas party and from the minute we walked in the door it was a kick ass time. All the guys were PLASTERED from their secret santa exchange. I'll let you guess the gifts that were given lol. I don't think that I could put it into words what we did or why it was so great. But it was just so awesome to totally bond with the guys again, cuz we hadn't been over there with everyone in a while. The pictures that came out of it are fucking amazing and I can't wait to show them to everyone back home! After partying sae style Jamie and I walked over to Theta xi's off campus to meet up with Joel. It is a miracle that we both got there at all. At Theta Xi I totally talked to Mel (KCs friend, and yes i still say that we need to get together over break with kc itll be so fun!), and I talked to my TA from theatre class (that was weird), I drunk dialed Maggie (my favoritest person to drunk dial!), and then Dave walked me home. Im me to hear the full story about that one. Me and my screwed upness. Will that ever change? But anyways you would think that the night would have ended there but no haha I ran into Jen in the hallway and to be honest I don't think I could tell you what we talked about or did. But I think it was fun. haha. I think that I tryed to drunk dial a few people and thank the good lord above that their phones were off (at least I think they were haha)
I feel like I haven't given given this night justice. But suffice it to say, I had the best fucking night at Bradley last night and everything about it was perfect. I'm gonna miss everyone so much, but now I am totally looking forward to coming back to Bradley, partying at SAE, chilling at Theta Xi, and hanging out with my crew. Speaking of my crew we are *so* getting together over break, cuz I can't go an entire month without seeing you guys :)! And right now my bed is starting to look really good .... so till later!
So after all that end of the semester musing I could not have asked for a better Saturday night. Last night was seriously the BEST night I have had at Bradley the entire semester. Who'd have thought considering the day started with 2 finals on a Saturday morning. I spent the morning and afternoon testing and sleeping. WHOA speaking of sleeping, when me and Jamie were laying up in our beds talking like we tend to do prenap lol, Jamie out of NO where says "you have an incoming call" mimicking my phone. And I laughed at her, and then she was like "that would be weird if your phone rings like that now". And I was like yeah, especially since the only way it would make that noise would be if my mom or dad called. And then I exagerate not, TWO MINUTES later we hear "RING, You Have An Incoming Call". And it was my mom!!!! Now, none of you care or realize why I wrote about that but still whoa! Maybe Jamie will appreciate it lol.
So back to why my night was amazing ... Jamie and I started the night off drinking with some of the girls on our floor. We bonded classy style over beer in champagne glasses and rocking out to some kick ass tunes. Yeah Roommate bonding! Then we headed over to our favoritest girls ever! Katie and Sara! We hung out and finished getting ready over there. Sara and Katie and Jamie all looked GORGEOUS! So we headed to SAE's christmas party and from the minute we walked in the door it was a kick ass time. All the guys were PLASTERED from their secret santa exchange. I'll let you guess the gifts that were given lol. I don't think that I could put it into words what we did or why it was so great. But it was just so awesome to totally bond with the guys again, cuz we hadn't been over there with everyone in a while. The pictures that came out of it are fucking amazing and I can't wait to show them to everyone back home! After partying sae style Jamie and I walked over to Theta xi's off campus to meet up with Joel. It is a miracle that we both got there at all. At Theta Xi I totally talked to Mel (KCs friend, and yes i still say that we need to get together over break with kc itll be so fun!), and I talked to my TA from theatre class (that was weird), I drunk dialed Maggie (my favoritest person to drunk dial!), and then Dave walked me home. Im me to hear the full story about that one. Me and my screwed upness. Will that ever change? But anyways you would think that the night would have ended there but no haha I ran into Jen in the hallway and to be honest I don't think I could tell you what we talked about or did. But I think it was fun. haha. I think that I tryed to drunk dial a few people and thank the good lord above that their phones were off (at least I think they were haha)
I feel like I haven't given given this night justice. But suffice it to say, I had the best fucking night at Bradley last night and everything about it was perfect. I'm gonna miss everyone so much, but now I am totally looking forward to coming back to Bradley, partying at SAE, chilling at Theta Xi, and hanging out with my crew. Speaking of my crew we are *so* getting together over break, cuz I can't go an entire month without seeing you guys :)! And right now my bed is starting to look really good .... so till later!
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Well, it's been quite the tumultuous semester ... and now it is all at and end. Very crazy to think about. And even crazier to think about all that I have been through this semester. And I thought senior year was full of drama and insanity! The year started out with me being super sad about leaving all of my friends behind. Worries plagued my brain about if I would really stay in touch with my friends, and if I'd be replaced by some of them, and what kind of image I would present to all these new people at college. The year started out calming all of my worries, I talked to most of my friends on a day to day basis (mostly because I didn't know many people here) and I became really good friends with my floormate Jen and got to know a few other girls on my floor. I got drunk and ate at La Bambas my first night at Bradley, what a start to the year! And from then on had my stint as a delt groupie. Which was a lot of fun. The first few weeks were full of getting to know my floormates, getting close with Jen, and partying at the Delts. During this time I also contemplated rushing Greek. I went from almost deciding not to rush, to becoming really excited about getting my bid card for Kappa Delta. I remember bid day, getting Amanda as my emerald and first meeting all my KD sisters. Who knew how close I would become with some of them? Kappa Delta proved to be more than I was looking for, and those first few weeks of getting to know everyone was so much fun. All was going along swell, when one fateful day I visited my friend Jeni's room and (dun dun dun) my first college hook up. And who would have thought that my first college hook up would turn into my first college relationship?? I sure as hell wouldn't have! But nonetheless I decided to 'give it a shot' with Eric and see where things went, even though I knew that I would end up hurting him in the long run (STUPIDEST IDEA EVER!!!) I learned for the second time around that you can't just 'get used' to someone. You either are attracted to them or you aren't, growing used to someone as a boyfriend isn't the way to do it. So once again, as with my high school relationship I managed to hurt a really sweet guy who was nothing but nice and loving towards me. Except this time I managed to screw it up even worse. I did what I swore that I would never to do someone, EVER. Shows how much you know until you are really put up to the test. Yes, I cheated on a boyfriend ... twice. And neither were with anyone that I even associate with today. That is by far the shittiest thing that I have ever done in my entire life. And the one thing that I regret most with everything in my being. I sooo have something bad coming to me after some of the choices that I have made in my life. But anyways ... I ended up hurting Eric and breaking up with him. But I knew it was what I had to do, because it was only the 3rd or so week of college and I was still meeting new people and just couldn't settle for someone I didn't have those kind of feelings for yet. This period overlaps with the time that Jamie and I first started partying together. Before this point, Jamie was someone I shared living space with, but we didn't exactly talk about a whole lot other than what we needed to fill our fridge with and who was turning out the lights. Who knew that we would be where we are today? That weekend marked the first escapades of the fat, lazy, alcoholic sluts of 910! Now of course, one part of all of these previous weeks that I hadn't mentioned before, was my infatuation with one of the delts. It was a silly thing looking back and I don't even know why I had it. But I did. And after being led on for about a month. I was used and had my heart broken. Serves me right for screwing over Eric I suppose. But still, I didn't think that I could ever hurt as bad as when my high school infatuation turned on me. But it happened again with Adam and It hurt like a bitch. I don't think I have fully recovered yet, as I won't let myself have feelings for a guy beyond one night. I just can't seem to trust any of them yet. After that (ahem minus one night), I stopped hanging out at the Delts all together. Looking back, I guess that part of me can be glad that Adam screwed me over, because if he hadn't would I ever have ended up becoming as close with Jamie as I have? Would I have found my little crew of Jamie, Katie, Sara, Bug, and Cali? I highly doubt it. The next few weekends of my life were a whirlwind of Happy Clubs, off campus SAE bash's, and fun times just hanging out in Bug and Cali's room. Around this point I went home for fall break. Friendships from back home that mattered had stayed in contact, and while some friendships have diminished, the ones that have stayed have only grown stronger. I had friends dissapointed in me, and became dissapointed in other friends. It happens, it's just the way the world works. Then of course I had one of my best friendships from home tainted with a visit to Bradley, and it sucked to have a rift created between my best friend at home and my best friends here. But in the long run, the things that really matter stayed important, and one weekend can be forgotten. Especially when I have my own faults, I can't be the first to judge another. I feel like I've been coming full circle with a lot of things recently ... half of them resulting from drunk iming, but still, I have a sense of closure about a lot of things. I've started to hang out at the delts again with my KD sisters, and I'm so comfortable with my crew at SAE .... And I can't help but feel like this is a point in my life where I am moving onto something. I just wish that I knew what it was I was moving on to. And now I can't believe it but the semester is wrapping up. 3 finals and then I am home for a month. Who would have ever thought that I would find is so strange to be returning to Forest Park for a month. I find myself thinking about all the thing at Bradley I will miss. And a lot of me wished that I could stay here for just a little while longer. I know that I will fall into my old patterns at home and see all the old people ... and it will be great. But I also know that my family is going to start bitching at me, and the little things at home with my dad not having a job, and the little tenstions that I get to escape when at school. I know that by the time the month is over, I will be more than ready to return to Bradley.
So, this semester I have hurt people, been hurt by people, lost friendships, strengthened friendships, and gained friendships. I've realized that I will probably always be a little bit obsesed with high school, and I've also realized that I will probably always be a little jaded and bitter about the opposite sex. And this was only one semester .... I can't imagine what the next will have in store for me!
So, this semester I have hurt people, been hurt by people, lost friendships, strengthened friendships, and gained friendships. I've realized that I will probably always be a little bit obsesed with high school, and I've also realized that I will probably always be a little jaded and bitter about the opposite sex. And this was only one semester .... I can't imagine what the next will have in store for me!
Friday, December 10, 2004
Little things are so damn frustrating
for anyone who I didn't im yet .... my new screen name is Maryfeelsjstright
my screen name of Fopoblonde102 decided to delete all my buddies and not let me save modifications to my buddy list and eventually just not let me appear to me signed on at all. I don't understand why. I virus checked .... nothing. I adawared and quarantined and I thought *thought* everything was alright. My new sn was working and saving my buddy list as I added names, and letting me put up away messages ... but *now* as i tryed to add a new buddy it wont let me save it. I just dont get it. and yes, i uninstalled and reinstalled the program ... turned the computer off ... i've done everything! I must have just done something that the cosmos decided to do this to me. *sigh* Oh well ... in the long run i know it doesn't matter ... the important people will im me even if I can't im them ... and i did manage to save all my buddies in a word document. It's just very very frustrating. oooooo well. thanks for everyone who listened to my complaining ....
So I have 2 finals tomorrow. yes tomorrow is a Saturday. Grrrrr
I can't wait to be home, but I can't believe I'm gonna be away from Bradley for so long *tear*
Please pray to the aim gods for me!
and im me at my new screen name ! it'll make me feel loved! lol
for anyone who I didn't im yet .... my new screen name is Maryfeelsjstright
my screen name of Fopoblonde102 decided to delete all my buddies and not let me save modifications to my buddy list and eventually just not let me appear to me signed on at all. I don't understand why. I virus checked .... nothing. I adawared and quarantined and I thought *thought* everything was alright. My new sn was working and saving my buddy list as I added names, and letting me put up away messages ... but *now* as i tryed to add a new buddy it wont let me save it. I just dont get it. and yes, i uninstalled and reinstalled the program ... turned the computer off ... i've done everything! I must have just done something that the cosmos decided to do this to me. *sigh* Oh well ... in the long run i know it doesn't matter ... the important people will im me even if I can't im them ... and i did manage to save all my buddies in a word document. It's just very very frustrating. oooooo well. thanks for everyone who listened to my complaining ....
So I have 2 finals tomorrow. yes tomorrow is a Saturday. Grrrrr
I can't wait to be home, but I can't believe I'm gonna be away from Bradley for so long *tear*
Please pray to the aim gods for me!
and im me at my new screen name ! it'll make me feel loved! lol
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Wow, was I incredibly open and honest last night. Brutally so in some cases I think. My apolagies to people i may or may not have bitched at ... mainly I am thinking of Jamie and Cali. I had a fun night last night though. I hug out with Amanda and Denise which was really great! I'm so glad that they called me :) And hey ... I think that something good actually came of my drunken conversationness last night. And susie is the most amazeingest cousin ever for keeping me company and taking me to Steak and Shake. I love you Susie!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself ... I don't have any classes or finals until saturday. I have no idea what to do with my time ... I sure as hell aren't gonna spend much time studying lol. Mmmmm Great Wall calls .... If you see me online im me! Chances are I am bored ...
I have no idea what to do with myself ... I don't have any classes or finals until saturday. I have no idea what to do with my time ... I sure as hell aren't gonna spend much time studying lol. Mmmmm Great Wall calls .... If you see me online im me! Chances are I am bored ...
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Well I am sufficiently freaked out. I just stumbled across a livejournal that I had before the beginning of this blog. This means the beginning of senior year. And the scariest part? Nobody save Katrina had the link so I was blatantly and obsessively truthful throughout it all. I seriously forgot I had even made it until today. It was like a time capsule. And I didn't really like what I found in it. Well parts of it were funny but the overwhelming majority of it made me want to kick myself back then. And if I had a time machine I would. A big yay for change and for growth and for growing out of things. Was I ever that immature and naive? Obviously I was .... wow. Well, night all ... I really hope that I actually get some sleep tonight :-/
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Alright. So earlier this evening Jamie turns to me and says, what the fuck was up with you drunken blog last night??? And my response was .... what drunken blog? And whoops, sure enough there we go. lol, I was quite the drunken idiot last night. But I only regret one small thing the rest was all in good fun. My apolagies to anyone who held a conversation with me, got a strange text from me, or was just generally confused by my behaviors. I still stand by the fact that Jamie is sexy and would still have a 4some with her, gwen, and robert lol. Hey, as random drunken boy said to Jamie ... "where have you been all my life?" ... Please tell me you think that is as funny as me and Jamie do hehehe. Props to Jamie for not running off with the, like, 12 guys who were hitting on her at the party. Drunken randomness to the extreme was last night. My drunk dialing habit has SIGNIFICANTLY improved. I now only call people who asked for it for the most part. My drunk iming has got to be next though. Although Elsey and Trish apparently don't think so lol. But seriously I know that aim is a dangerous thing when i am under the influence. Will work on that.
Ooh! I didn't blog about Friday night! Went along with the randomness of the weekend. Ash came and partied at bradley that was really awesome and made me look forward to hanging out with all my friends from back home soon! I gave her her first jello shot!!! I bitched Matt out for ignoring me after I met him the first time lol. And I ended up stealing his bandana, which led him to call our room the next afternoon. Which led to an EXTREME uppage in the randomness for the weekend. DOn't worry I gave it back to him at Club Xi lol. The past few nights 910 had been the fuckin' crash room. PreReq for staying in our room from now on .... NO SNORING!!!
Susie, your hair is beautiful and I want it! You looked gorgeous for formal and I'm glad you had a good time. And you did so just shush ;) lol
Props to Jamie for making me feel better with he blurty entry. I know my blogs have been kinda ... bitter? lonely? Upset? ... But for the most part I'm doing fine, just random down moments. I just wish those random moments wouldn't come at 3 am when talking online to ex things. *smacks head* But the point is .... Jamie Rocks, woo her. Thanks babe.
Haha and Glitter Nick rocks too because of conversations like this one ...
SpudtheMagicElf: WTF is the fo po
FoPoBlonde102: forest park
FoPoBlonde102: where i live
FoPoBlonde102: its the ghetto way to say it
SpudtheMagicElf: OH OK
FoPoBlonde102: cuz i am sooooo ghetto
SpudtheMagicElf: gotcha
SpudtheMagicElf: cuz yeah
SpudtheMagicElf: mary is like the definition of ghetto
FoPoBlonde102: haha for sure
SpudtheMagicElf: like if spmeone be on the street it like HEY MARY U GHETTOOOOO
FoPoBlonde102: haha so u having a fun night?
SpudtheMagicElf: mmhmm!
SpudtheMagicElf: well the party hath just begun
SpudtheMagicElf: :-P
FoPoBlonde102: haha good good
FoPoBlonde102: have a good night
SpudtheMagicElf: u 2!!! omg i love you
SpudtheMagicElf: you are so awesome
SpudtheMagicElf: especially your flippy hair
FoPoBlonde102: um thanks
SpudtheMagicElf: like when it does the thign wher it like does a flippy thing in the back
SpudtheMagicElf: its a good thing trust me
SpudtheMagicElf: TRUST ME
FoPoBlonde102: lol thanks
SpudtheMagicElf: :-)
SpudtheMagicElf: byez!!!
FoPoBlonde102: bye hun
It's been cool expanding my social scene to theta xi now, they are all really cool guys. Despite the fact that half of them are named Dave! So woo for expanding social interaction. Speaking of, I ran into a bunch of guys from Delts at Club Xi. That upped the randomness significantly.
I kinda ditched Susie and Paul this morning for breakfast, sorry guys :( If I could physically moved out of my bed I would have come! We should make it up over Christmas Break!
I am going to miss so many things Bradley this upcoming month! Do I really have to go home?
Well, have get through 2 more days of classes and that homework isn't gonna do itself! Later
*****
I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be Mrs. Texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to L.A.
Where I was almost famous for almost a day
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a buncha the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wished I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
And I didn't even know it
You kept me guessin'
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missin' you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
Here I go thinkin' about all the things I could have done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems. I can't remember one.
I almost forgot to say something else
And if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
And I didn't even know it
You kept me guessin'
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missin' you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
***
Ooh! I didn't blog about Friday night! Went along with the randomness of the weekend. Ash came and partied at bradley that was really awesome and made me look forward to hanging out with all my friends from back home soon! I gave her her first jello shot!!! I bitched Matt out for ignoring me after I met him the first time lol. And I ended up stealing his bandana, which led him to call our room the next afternoon. Which led to an EXTREME uppage in the randomness for the weekend. DOn't worry I gave it back to him at Club Xi lol. The past few nights 910 had been the fuckin' crash room. PreReq for staying in our room from now on .... NO SNORING!!!
Susie, your hair is beautiful and I want it! You looked gorgeous for formal and I'm glad you had a good time. And you did so just shush ;) lol
Props to Jamie for making me feel better with he blurty entry. I know my blogs have been kinda ... bitter? lonely? Upset? ... But for the most part I'm doing fine, just random down moments. I just wish those random moments wouldn't come at 3 am when talking online to ex things. *smacks head* But the point is .... Jamie Rocks, woo her. Thanks babe.
Haha and Glitter Nick rocks too because of conversations like this one ...
SpudtheMagicElf: WTF is the fo po
FoPoBlonde102: forest park
FoPoBlonde102: where i live
FoPoBlonde102: its the ghetto way to say it
SpudtheMagicElf: OH OK
FoPoBlonde102: cuz i am sooooo ghetto
SpudtheMagicElf: gotcha
SpudtheMagicElf: cuz yeah
SpudtheMagicElf: mary is like the definition of ghetto
FoPoBlonde102: haha for sure
SpudtheMagicElf: like if spmeone be on the street it like HEY MARY U GHETTOOOOO
FoPoBlonde102: haha so u having a fun night?
SpudtheMagicElf: mmhmm!
SpudtheMagicElf: well the party hath just begun
SpudtheMagicElf: :-P
FoPoBlonde102: haha good good
FoPoBlonde102: have a good night
SpudtheMagicElf: u 2!!! omg i love you
SpudtheMagicElf: you are so awesome
SpudtheMagicElf: especially your flippy hair
FoPoBlonde102: um thanks
SpudtheMagicElf: like when it does the thign wher it like does a flippy thing in the back
SpudtheMagicElf: its a good thing trust me
SpudtheMagicElf: TRUST ME
FoPoBlonde102: lol thanks
SpudtheMagicElf: :-)
SpudtheMagicElf: byez!!!
FoPoBlonde102: bye hun
It's been cool expanding my social scene to theta xi now, they are all really cool guys. Despite the fact that half of them are named Dave! So woo for expanding social interaction. Speaking of, I ran into a bunch of guys from Delts at Club Xi. That upped the randomness significantly.
I kinda ditched Susie and Paul this morning for breakfast, sorry guys :( If I could physically moved out of my bed I would have come! We should make it up over Christmas Break!
I am going to miss so many things Bradley this upcoming month! Do I really have to go home?
Well, have get through 2 more days of classes and that homework isn't gonna do itself! Later
*****
I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be Mrs. Texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to L.A.
Where I was almost famous for almost a day
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a buncha the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wished I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
And I didn't even know it
You kept me guessin'
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missin' you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
Here I go thinkin' about all the things I could have done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems. I can't remember one.
I almost forgot to say something else
And if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
And I didn't even know it
You kept me guessin'
And now I'm destined
To spend my time missin' you
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
I almost wished you woulda loved me too
***
ok yes
im drunk
so what?
this is what i wrote myself 2nite earlier ..... this morning while SOBER ....
"
I am so frustrated right now. Last night was fun and I wasn't all drunk pity party mary or anything but this morning when i woke up it all hit me like a ton of bricks. everyone was hooking up last night. or at least pairing off. except for me. and im more than happy for jamie and bug and kt and then yay for ash and her friend having bradley hookups and then sarah and matt its cute that they deny whatever they are. and cali making out with :GIRl" but where does that leave me? jamie kept saying that dave likes me. but i am sick and tired for settling for "the guy". Dave seems nice, but I mean, Jamie wouldn't get with him. He's below her league. I don't even have a league. It seems that I always just end up with whoever is the drunkest. I hate that I'm not good enough to see a guy and be attracted to him and be able to make a claim or pursue him. I can't do that because I just ... I don't know. I just can't. I have to always settle for some loser. And as all of this was going through my head I realized that delt memories swooped in \And look at that whole situation. I definitely settled for Adam and I still got fucking screwed over. I go for the losers and the easy guys the ones who dont get action .... and then i get fucking screwed over by them anyway!!! I am just so so sick of settling yet at the same time i know there isnt much that i can do about it. ill just watch everybody pair off .... get drunk ... and then hook up with some ugly boY
so ......
anyway i talked to chad 2nite and he seemed cool i wished i hung out with him more
and im drunk
im sooooooooo sorry i made jamie and joel walk me home.
thanks guys
u guys rock!!!!!!!!!
im drunk
so what?
this is what i wrote myself 2nite earlier ..... this morning while SOBER ....
"
I am so frustrated right now. Last night was fun and I wasn't all drunk pity party mary or anything but this morning when i woke up it all hit me like a ton of bricks. everyone was hooking up last night. or at least pairing off. except for me. and im more than happy for jamie and bug and kt and then yay for ash and her friend having bradley hookups and then sarah and matt its cute that they deny whatever they are. and cali making out with :GIRl" but where does that leave me? jamie kept saying that dave likes me. but i am sick and tired for settling for "the guy". Dave seems nice, but I mean, Jamie wouldn't get with him. He's below her league. I don't even have a league. It seems that I always just end up with whoever is the drunkest. I hate that I'm not good enough to see a guy and be attracted to him and be able to make a claim or pursue him. I can't do that because I just ... I don't know. I just can't. I have to always settle for some loser. And as all of this was going through my head I realized that delt memories swooped in \And look at that whole situation. I definitely settled for Adam and I still got fucking screwed over. I go for the losers and the easy guys the ones who dont get action .... and then i get fucking screwed over by them anyway!!! I am just so so sick of settling yet at the same time i know there isnt much that i can do about it. ill just watch everybody pair off .... get drunk ... and then hook up with some ugly boY
so ......
anyway i talked to chad 2nite and he seemed cool i wished i hung out with him more
and im drunk
im sooooooooo sorry i made jamie and joel walk me home.
thanks guys
u guys rock!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 03, 2004
And I thought I had experienced random before!!!
Last night was positively the most random night at Bradley so far. I thought I had seen randomness of Bradley but I was sooooooo mistaken. Joel slept on our couch, Bug and Katie slept on our floor, Bug in Jamie's Pink hammer pants and seeing waaaaaaaay to much of bug, I heard the loudest snoring I have ever heard in my entire life, heard noises that i didn't know could come out of people, I couldn't sleep for the life of me, and most importantly "wax on, wax off" ... I couldn't stop laughing even when I literally wanted to kill Bug for snoring. I can't even put it all into words. But I survived it, and I still managed to pass my government test at 9am (after 3 tries). And now I need to study for my theatre exam which is in an hour and a half. And after that I am passing the fuck out and sleeping for the rest of my life. Or until Ashley calls. Because (to add to the randomness of last night) Ash called me and she's coming to Bradley tonight!!!! :) I'm so excited! Her pledge mom's boyfriend is in a frat at Bradley so Ash is coming down with her .... what frat you ask? Why, none other than Delts lol. Apparently they are having a big party tonight, if I end up there it will be random for sure as I haven't been there since sometime in September I believe. So tonight is gonna rock cuz Ashley is coming yaaaaaaaay! :)!
You know what is a weird feeling? NOT wanting finals to be over. I don't really want to have finals be over, cuz that means I have to go home. Not that I'm not looking forward to seeing all you guys back home, but I really don't wanna leave Bradley for a whole month. It's gonna be so odd to be at home. Can't wait to see you all again tho!
Well I really must study for theatre ... later
You know what is a weird feeling? NOT wanting finals to be over. I don't really want to have finals be over, cuz that means I have to go home. Not that I'm not looking forward to seeing all you guys back home, but I really don't wanna leave Bradley for a whole month. It's gonna be so odd to be at home. Can't wait to see you all again tho!
Well I really must study for theatre ... later
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)