WoW. Wonders never cease. I was talking to KC and she was asking how Bradley was. "it's goign great" I said. Have you met my friend Melissa? She asks. "lol I highly doubt it" I think to myself. "her last name is Hooover" WHAT??? She totally lives on my flooor!!!! Holy cow. I totally know her and that is totally weird. So now KC must visit us. It is official haha. Wow. So yeah, cool and weird.

I finally went and worked out today and I feel super pathetic. But I'm GOING to stick with it!!! In fact starting tomorrow I am eating healthier, at least sticking to only 3 meals a day. And I am going to start taking the stairs. All 9 flights. I can do it!!!

Okay wow. Really time for bed now. Lots of classes tomorrow blah. And when will boys stop being stupid? Or at least this one ... grr !

There is endless amounts of free time hereat college. The days aresoooo long. I'll get back from class, i'll do some homework, visit some friends, get some food, do some more homework, waste time online, talk to some friends from home, and then it's still only 7 o clock! This is Crazy!

~I miss Susie
~I love having a desk chair
~I am actually doing my homework so far!
~ I can't wait to see my friends back from home, It will be such a refreshing thing
~My printer won't turn on! I need Susie to come fix it!
~After this weekend I'll know what sorority I'll be in!
~I want mail! My mail box is empty and lonely :(
~3 more class days till the weekend, I hope that it brings GOOD THINGS! ahem ahem
~Apperently, although they are stupider, college boys tend to pop up a lot more often than they did in college. Good luck to anyone who has to deal with them

I'm off to waste some more time ....

Wow. Everyone I know is dying.

Okay that is not true, I am being melodramatic. But everytime I talk to someone I feel like I am hearing about people being sent in for mri's or cat scans. Three people in a week isn't normal is it? Well, please keep everyone dealing with medical problems, especially while dealing with college, in your prayers.

I alway fall for the wrong guys, don't I?

Geez, this should be so much simpler than I am making it. But he is such an idiot! And I am not the most patient girl in the world. I don't like waiting for things. But then again maybe this is good for me. Maybe it is a good thing that he isn't a jerk who's only in it for the benefits. Oh man though, this is driving me nuts!

I apolagize if that made no sense to you guys. It is only the second week of college and I am in emotional turmoil over guys already. This is not a good sign lol.

Oh and also I dropped spanish which takes a lot ofstress off of me but I feel bad that I couldn't even give it a shot.



"oh my god, i think it's finally coming! keep scewing, i think it's I think it's in OMG IT'S IN!!!"
geez, get your head out of the gutter, we were putting a chair together!

Yep, i finally have a comfy desk chair! woot! I also have a wireless mouse installed. However, I still need to get my closet towel rack assembled and my printer working. One thing at a time ...

Only 4 days left till the weekend!

I am fluctuating between thinking that I must be the luckiest person on the planet to being down these days. I feel so blessed to be here and finding the opportunities that I am. I still miss everyone back home though. And especially when I realize that I am falling into the same procrastination habits as before and I start freaking out, I just want to call you guys and go out and forget about it all for a little while. I love that I have been able to stay in touch with a lot of you though. Thanks for all the random ims and phone calls, keeo 'em coming ;) I was feeling rather 'eh' tonight and then I got a call from marty which completely made my night! He misses us, he wouldn't ever admit it. But he does :) I can't wait for people to come visit me! I knwo I've been saying that alot, but everything I am finding here is only half as cool until I can share it with you guys back home. I want you all to visit me! And I can't wait to visit you guys. This weekend I have a feeling I'll be kinda sad, cuz it's labor day weekend and all the u of i -ers are going home, but we dont have classes off so I'll still be in Peoria. It'll be rough knowing that people are all at home and i'm not. but oh well. I'll have rush to keep me busy. Speaking of, I really think that I am going to join a sorority here. It all depends on how it turns out but right now I really like my top two choices so we shall see next weekend.

Oh, and while boys are extremely stupid here, they might still be cool. It remains to be seen, but I shall keep you posted in my vague way lol

So the theory IS true ... boys only get dumber in college. I didn't think it was possible. Consider me astounded.

Anywho, so I just went to the Fenwick website, just for the hell of it ... and what do you think was the banner picture up top? The pic of you September leaders from homecoming (or whatever dance it was) What memories ...

So homesickness is slowly but surely creeping into my life here at Bradley. Rush has kept me super busy, and I'm really excited about joining one, provided that I get into the ones that I felt comfortable in. Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom and spent 45 minutes telling me about things at home. And it wasn't the happiest of news. And now I feel bad that I am so far away from it. I don't have to deal with it anymore and I'm not there to help my family deal with it. It is a frustrating feeling. I still can't find my Kairos cross and when I get home the first thing I am going to do is search for it, cuz I'm almost positive that I didn't bring it. I really wish I had it, it reminds me of all of you guys and all our memories. I can't shave my legs comfortably anymore, and that really makes me miss home. Laundrey is such a chore, and I'm not good with chores lol. Boys are still stupid here and that just makes me wish I could curl up in my bed at home and forget about all of that. And you knwo what? when i was on the phone with my mom and she was telling me a few things from home (stupid family drama things nothing extremely serious) she said something like "and you know, don't tell your friends ..." and my first thought was "my friends don't even know my family, why would I spill them our drama?" and then I realized that she meant my Fenwick friends and I was thinking about my Bradley friends. How did that HAPPEN!?!?! Also these crazy adventures I'm having would be so much more fun with Muffy. I want people to visit me! Starting the weekend after next rush will be over and I will be expecting visitors!!! So yeah, everything else is okay. Don't get me wrong or anything, I am still enjoying most everything about Bradley. But the honeymoon might be over so to speak. Or maybe I'm just letting my frustration with boys spill over into everything else. I have a tendency to do that. And tonight I have to get down to business. After rushing today I have to do my homework!!! Well talk to you all soon! Miss ya!

Well, let me tell you, thing are still going very well. I know that homesickness is going to hit me big time sometime in the near future, but for now I’m just trying to keep busy and not think about it too much. I started the recruitment process for Greek life yesterday. I went into it very neutral and not the most excited, but actually the more and more I see of it the more and more I like it. But I’ll only join if I find one that I really think that I fit in with. We saw three of the houses yesterday and I liked one of the three. We see the other 4 today, including SDT, where Susie is in. I hope that Susie rushes me so I get to chat with her :)

Omg, so for the most part things are going great, right? But let me tell you about my morning from HELL!!! ... Ready for this? So I was at the Delta house again last night (I really love hanging out there, the guys there are all mucho awesome) Anyway I was hanging out with Adam so I didn’t get home until 4 in the morning. THEN .... bright and early at 8 AM the FIRE ALARM WENT OFF!!! We had to go all the way down from the 9th floor. I was pissed and half asleep. THEN the elevator was BROKEN!!! So I had to walk up 9 flights of freaking stairs!!! I was soooo not the happy camper, then again at least I wasn’t the group stuck IN the elevator! Oh boy .... So yeah then I came back to my room and totally could NOT fall asleep again. I stayed up, took a shower, read a book. (All I need to Know I learned in kindergarten, definitely brought me back to sophomore year play time lol) So now I am going on 4 hours of sleep, I have a day of rush ahead of me and then hopefully more hanging out with Adam, PLUS when I put my contacts in this morning I totally lost my left contact. It just didn’t get in my eye. AND MY INTERNET ISN’T WORKING RIGHT NOW!!!! The one morning I can’t sleep and need something to do ... the stupid Bradley network is down again. So yes, it has not been the best of mornings for me. *hmph*

However, because I enjoyed my night last night I am not in as bad of a mood that I could be in.
Okay guys, you are going to be so scared. I found a girl on my floor who is ME. Like seriously, we might be clones or something. She is crazy in just the ways that I can be sometimes, we have the same weird tendencies, the same obsessiveness, the same things we freak out about. It is seriously scary. So be forewarned ;)

Okay, I’m going to go ... well I don’t know what I’m going to do. Judging from this morning It’s going to be a very scary day ...

On a random note ... you know what makes me miss home the most? Shaving my legs, how ANNOYING is it to do in a dorm shower?!!!?

Hey Everyone!

So I survived my first psuedo week of college classes. I completely LOVE my M W and F classes. My professors all seem pretty cool. I gave my first speech today, just a short story about when I felt at my personal best. And I'm really going to like that class. You guys know I love to talk and perform lol. And Intro to Theatre is a really cool class! Very interesting. As for my Tuesday and Thursday classes they are nowhere near as cool. Com 101 seems like it may be a bitch and a lot of reading, but I've gotta get through it for my major. And as for Spanish all I have to say is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! We'll see how that one goes. But so far so good. I don't know how I am going to survive an *actual* week of classes. Thank God It's Friday!!!

Although I think that most of my weekend is going to be spent doing recruitment stuff. Greek recruitment starts today at 4. Apparently it goes till 9:45 and who knows how much time it will take up this weekend. I don't know how much I am sold on the idea, but I'll give it a shot and meet a few people and see how it goes. I'm excited that it starts today though, because it means I am that much closer to being able to see SUSIE!!! :) yay! Not to mention all her kick ass friends ;) *wink wink*

So I need to thank all of you guys. While here at Bradley I have just felt so HAPPY. Like, I feel confident in myself and self assured, and sometimes I even feel skinny. I'm meeting people and being friendly ... Being everything that I said I would be in college. Not only that, but I'm also doing a fairly good job of keeping in touch with everyone from back home. And I stopped and thought abotu my newfound happiness and realized that without you guys I could never be where I am today. The reason I have been so myself here at Bradley is because you guys let me be myself when I hung out with you. You enabled me to just be me, and that has carried over to life here at Bradley. No one knows that I used to be shy in grade school and the beginning of high school. People just know who I am showing them, and thanks to all of you guys from back home, I'm letting them see the real me. So thanks to everyone.

Also this is random, but I totally am loving the fact that I was a speechie and a Blackfriar in high school. I don't know if I am going to continue the activities in college or not. It's possible but I'm not sure. But found myself reminicing today and I LOVE all the memories that I've got tucked away from the shows and from speech moments. That's who I was in high school. A speechie. A Blackfriar. And even if I don't continue those events in college. I'll still always be a speecie and a Blackfriar at heart.

So I might end up coming home more often that I previously thought. The first time won't be until October 9th for fall break. But after that I have to see a play at Navy Peir on November 14th, so maybe I'll just end up coming home that weekend? Or at least maybe visiting mel at loyala or any of the countless people close to home. Then the very NEXT weekend is the fall show and I KNOW that I am coming back for that. And then the NEXT week is Thanksgiving. So I'm going to be home a shitload in November! Which is a cool thing.

COME VISIT ME! I want all you guys to meet all the kick ass people that I am getting to know. It'll be a party I promise!!! And if you go to U of I, ISU slash Wesleyan, or Iowa you can be sure to be recieving a visit from me in the near future. Once recruitment is over for sure!

In other news my random crazy bruises have dissapeared!!! They must have just been from wild and crazy nights. So far I am bruiseless in college! w00t!

*This is MY United States of Whatever!*

Hey all! Everything is still going smashingly. I am really happy, much more so than I ever thought that I would be here. I'm sure that sad moments are on their way but for now I'm just keeping busy and having a blast. Classes started today, on my most suckiest of days. I have FOUR classes on wednesday! :( But they were totally a breeze today. All syllubbuses and stuff. But in general I think the classes will be good ones. I had am gov first and it turns out it is a study on your own type course. You go at your own pace. You get an outline for each unit and as you complete each unit you take a mastery test and then get the next outline. It's a good deal. That also means that I don't have to show up to class everyday! :) Always nice to hear! Then I had com 103 and flashbacked to Arlenno cuz there were handouts aplenty gold, salmon, white, lavender ... lol. I think that class should be a fun one. The teacher seems pretty easy going. I have an assigment for friday already, any one know the moment when I was at my best? Hmmm any ideas would be appreciated. So I also did my first load of laundrey as a college student today, so exciting right? And I don't think that I screwed anything up! Woo go me! So then I headed off to Intro to Theatre which also seems like a cool class. The teacher seems like a cool guy, he's a theatre guy and i love those lol. It turns out that we have 4 mandatory plays we have to see, and one of them is at ISU on october 3rd. And one on November 14th at navy peir!!! So all u ISU wesleyan people go see Crowns on oct 3rd! lol So yeah that class seems cool. then my last class of the day was ehs which is the biggest waste of time ever. But I'll live cuz it's one day a week and totally relaxful. Just an intro the the univsersity type thing. So yeah, low stress so far. Everything is a really good time.

I feel so blessed.

Aww, this one girl I met from my floor that we were hanging out with at the Delt house decided to move home today :( It was just too much for her I guess. She was a junior but went to community college b4. She was really cool and i'll miss her. Isn't that weird, I've only known her like 2 days and already I'll miss having her around!

Well once again I hope you are all having a really great time. I miss everyone, im me, call me, email me. I'll think that you are the coolest!

Okay so I seriously feel super lucky. I am loving loving loving Bradley. I have met the coolest people, my floor is really cool and friendly and I really click with some of the people that I've met here! I hope you are all having as much fun as I am! I've got a reality check tomorrow with the start of classes! Talk to you all soon!

yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
yesterday is a promise that you've broken
don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
this is your life and today is all you've got now
yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
yesterday is a kid in the corner
yesterday is dead and over
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
don't close your eyes
this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, are you who you want to be
this is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose
and you had everything to lose

hey everyone! Not much new to say really, but I'm having a great time still. I hung out at the delt house again last night. Still behaving myself, super proud of myself lol Yes, I am a dork. Hah this kid ryan aka stevoo pronounced steve was hitting on my sooo bad then again he was trashed beyond belief. classes start tomorrow boo for that but itll be nice to get into a schedule again. i want everyone to come and visit me!!! and send me mail! So far I have been talking to alot of ppl back home inbetween hanging out with bradley-ans. feel free to call me anytime, random phone calls from home are awesome. Chris gave me one earlier, so yay him for doing the nice thing. i miss you all but really am having fun!

random tidbit ... there is a creepy chinese guy who rides on a bike around frat row and talks to people. he is very creepy. his name is fong. This is a conversation we had last night:

Him: hey! you girls looking for party? there are parties down there and 3 down that way. Lots of free drinks music and free get laid!!
Us: do you know this from experience?
him: oh they have lots of experience

well call me send me mail im me! miss you guys hope u are all having fun at ur respective colleges or back home!

my internet service is being really stupid, its the bradly network :( so i keep getting kicked off at sucky times. blah

classes tomorrow wish me luck!

Hey all!

Okay so I feel like i have so much time yet way not enough all at the same time!

I really find myself almost looking forward to classes started so that I can get a schedule going. Classes, laundrey, working out, hopefullywill all become staples in that schedule. Ideally that is. I also have been here andthere talking with ppl from back home but I haven't had time to catch up with anyone as much as I wanted to. Then again this is only day 2! I have had random convos with Muffy all the time. And talking here and there with you guys online is great! I called Diana today and had a cool conversation with her :) I can't wait for people to visit me here at Bradley (HINT HINT HINT) and not to mention visiting you guys! U of I and Iowa are high on my list rightnow but i'll make my rounds. and duh ISU and wesleyan which are right next door. Well I think me and this girl jen from my floor are going to see what's going on in the frat circuit tonight.

Ps recruitment blows :( I wanna chill with Susie! Oh well it'll be over soon enough. It'll just be nice to have everyone on campus be able to talk to each other!

I signed up for about 20 million activites at the activity fair today ... who knows which i'll follow thru on. I also signed up to get an all important blockbuster card!!! And by an accident I signed up with the campus republicans and democrats! whoops! but one way or another i will get my hands on that absentee voting jazz. Well im out talk to you all soon leave me messages! send me mail! call my dorm or cell! Later!

Yep. So I'm here. Sorry for neglecting the blog. I just feel like I have no time to just sit and have some time to myself! This managing my own time thing is gonna take some getting used to! But tonight I shall chill in my dorm talking to people from home, blogging, and just generally trying to make my dorm feel like home. It's getting there for sure.

Quick side note: HI SUSIE!!!!*WINKWINK*

I am going through withdrawal :( Because of rush week and recruitment whatnot NONE of the sorority girls are allowed to associate with underclassmen. It's really a crappy arrangment because one i miss susie i cant wait till we can chill in each other's dorms and stuff. and in general its hard to get to know people because of the social situation. I've been hanging out with a lot of transfer sophomores from my floor, which is both really cool because they are nice and have cars lol. And some of them are even 21. Not that that matters for nething ... right ... yeah. Anyways, its nice but now im like 'the freshman' so i dunno. but ive also been hanging out with a lot of freshman that i met at orientation. everyone here is just super super nice. i really need a scedule tho! im going insane with no set schedule of stuff to do.

Wait, so we're just here to party, meet people, and have fun right? There aren't *classes* and *learning* involved right?

Thank god forthe internet because it totally keeps me connected to home which i desperately need. I haven't been going nuts with missing home yet. Key work being yet! I've talked to Johanna like every 2 hours lol and some convos with other ppl online. I talked to Mo boccieri on the phone earlier today so that was really cool to catch up with her. i love all you guys and i hope ur having a blast doing whatever it is u are doing! i cant wait till im really in the swing of things and have time to write u guys letters and call u guys and stuff. im gonna go for now but ill talk to you all soon!

Just a quick post to say ,...

HI SUSIE!! *wink*

I'm having a blast hopefully i can come home tonight and blog away. Can't wait to talk to u all!

Hey all! just a quick post to say hi! I am having a blast at Bradley! I've only been here for a day but if feels like at least a couple already. Every one here is soooo nice, and i've met a couple of really nice girls. My internet JUST got up so I am sooooo incredibly happy! I've met a lot of sophomore transfer girls cuz they are on my floor. They have cars, it is a nice thing haha. We can't talk to any of the sorority girls because of rush week. But it's all good cuz that means the only ppl to meet are frat boys! haha I ran into Adam Wilt yesterday and the girls i was with and I hungout with him and his frat friends lats night. (btw adam graduated fenwick last year and i met him at kairos for those of u not in the know lol) I had almost forgotten he went here but he's so nice and it's great having someone to talk to that i've met before ya know? I had a great time last night. And I was so proud of myself! I didn't act like a complete spaz. My first night at Bradley and I'm already drinking oh geez! But seriously I was good, promise! haha. okay i've got so much so say but ill be in touch with all u guys soon!

oh and by theway i feel much better about friends and keeping in touch with all u guys. i just had nite before the leave freaking out i had to get out of my system. but ive gotta run finish that thought later

Thank god it's Friday night, and I ju, ju, ju, ju JUST Got Paid
(getting money money money, money money)
(getting money money money, money money)
(getting money money money, money money)
(getting money money money, money money)
Yeah...Oh.

Just got paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling alright
Booty Shaking all around, pump that Jam, while I'm getting down
Check the mirror, looking fly
Round up the posse jump in my ride.
Radio rocking hottest jam, feel the rhythm, pump up the sound
Feeling so good don't you know just grooving to the beat
Grooving yeah, Grooving oh oh oh oh

Just got Paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling Alright
Booty Shaking all Around, pump that Jam, while I'm getting down,

Yo, people say my solo was impossible but when I get up on that mic I am
Unstoppable and it's probable when you hear voices laid down,
You'll be bopping your head to this ill tight sound
You never thought you had me plaid(paid)
Check is in the mail I got it made (made)
When you notice my smile is like Kool-aid 'cause I just got paid.

On the phone, rocking to the beat...all ways sure look sweet,
Fine young lady standing by, c'mon baby sweet eye delight
I love the way that you move, say you look so sweet when you're moving to the beat.
I'm tired of all of these boring parties baby, why don't we get on down, lets get on down.
Let's get on down..

Just got Paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling Alright
Booty Shaking all Around, pump that Jam, while I'm getting down,
Just got Paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling Alright
Booty Shaking all Around
Pump that Jam, while I'm getting down,

Say Ho,(say Ho)Say Ho Ho, (say Ho Ho)
Say Ho Ho Ho,(say Ho Ho Ho)
Say Ho (Hooooo O)

Just got Paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling Alright
Booty Shaking all Around, pump that Jam, while I'm getting down,
Just got Paid, Friday Night
Party Hopping, feeling Alright
Booty Shaking all Around, pump that Jam, while I'm getting down,
I'm getting down (down yeah)
Ah, I'm Broke!

What I felt like I needed a pump up song! I'll see you all soon. I'm so sorry I loaded down my blog with pessimistic blahness. That isn't me, I'm reallt excited. Bradley here I come!

I lied --- I just have too much going on in my head not to blog today. *hangs head it shame*

I know I said I wasn't going to blog, but what else can I do sitting here waiting in limbo??? I am all packed up and I am sitting at my computer labeling the songs on my mix cds. Obviously such an important thing to do right now. And I keep looking at my blog and wanting to add all these thoughts and emotions running through me right now. But I really won't say anything that I haven't already said before. I really do feel like I'm in limbo. I know alot of people are still around, but half are moved into dorms or moving in as we speak. Tonight I'll see Caryn and Marty for sure. But other than that I don't know the next time I will see so many people.

I'm glad that I have the shows to come back for. I already know that Marty Chris and Melissa are planning on coming back for them (they had better since they're gonna be around here anyways!) So I'll have those times to see them. I am sooooo glad that so many of my friends are staying close to home. I get to see them whenever I come home to visit! That might be just what I need to stay sane. Plus all my friends at U of I and fellow cornfield schools of Illinois. Those visits will help alot. And be fun of course!

Deep down, last night I realized that not only am I afraid of forgetting my high school memories. I am really afraid of being replaced in other people's minds. I know we can't all go around being depressed and missing our friends. I know that we are all going to make new friends. I just don't want to lose what I had with people. What if Johanna finds someone crazier than me or Chris finds someone else he can make fun of, I already know Marty won't miss me but what if I call him and he doesn't even want to talk? I've already grown apart from one friend this year, what if she completely forgets how close we used to be? Or remembers but just doesn't care? New people are going to come into all our lives, how can we keep our old bonds as strong? I really hadn't thought about all of this until I started typing this paragraph. See, I'm really not nervous about starting college and the new experiences or any of that. I'm just afraid of coming home. Who was it? some famous guy said "you can never come home" But I want to! I want to come back next summer and have random hangouts and everything. And I am pretty optimistic about staying in touch with people, but when I think about it too much I get nervous that things won't work out. I just have had waaay too much time to think today. I need to get out of here! (ps I wrote this earlier in the day and since had an online convo with awesome Trisha and feel much better, sorry for the pessimism out I had to get it out of my system)

I still haven't really freaked out and I really feel like I should. That i need to. The whole catharsis thing you know? But I have a feeling it's not goin to come. But that's allright. I think. Last night as Johanna was leaving, if she had just drawn it out another minute I would have started bawling. No question. We had a text convo on her way down to Omaha. It still feels like I'm going to be able to call her later today and have her drive over in her sea foam mini van. We'll go to Panera and then drive by Marty's and bug him and Joe. I'll be Kiki and she'll be Muffy and it will be the same as always. But she's in Omaha. And Ill be in Peoria tomorrow.

This whole leaving thing is really really ridiculously surreal. I don't feel like I am leaving at all. It's not like I am dreading Bradley, in fact I am really really really excited for it! I just still feel like I am going to see everyone next week. But instead it will be December, or October if I'm lucky. I know there's no use being sad cuz time is only going to move forward and I have to go with it. There isn't any going back I know. It's all just so new, and scary!

All my sentimental crap is packed away (I am bringing way to much of it, but I just can't leave certain things at home) But last night I managed to dig out my most recent photo album from Graduation to now. And something really sunk in ... I really really liked high school! The cafeteria in the morning, everything about BFG, even speech. All the dances, Kairos moments, and the classes, and Student Services. I loved high school! Despite the drama and despite the self confidence issues. I really loved it. There were so many memories that i want to keep forever, but which I know will fade with time. People say that college is better than high school, and well ... if that is the case, wow these next four years are going to be ... wow!

"I hope you had the time of your life" ... "Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile" ... "Friends Never Say Goodbye"

I saw Marty for the last time ( and he was wearing a scout uniform hehehehehehe) His Eagle Scout court of honor was pretty much him being ripped on the whole time. It was awesome! I saw Caryn for the last time, although it still doesn't seem like it. I saw Jonathan driving by with someone and I called him and had a farewellish convo with him. And now I am leaving in 6 and a half hours. Yikes! I'll talk to you all soon!

Okay so all I can think right now is that I am terrified of forgetting. It has only been the summer and already memories from high school are getting foggy. There is a haze around everything. All the memories that I used to feel so passionate about are losing their vividness. And I never ever want to forget a single moment. In this moment I am so *gratefull* that I started this blog. So I really can never forget. And I know I won't forget. I just feel scared right now. I haven't freaked out all summer, and I'm really not freaking out right now. But everyone around me is freaking out. And I just .... ah, I don't even know. I just want to know that everything is going to be fine.

"Please don't wake me up too late.
Tomorrow comes and I will not be late.
Late today when it becomes
Tomorrow I
Will leave and go away.

Goodbye. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
My love, goodbye."


Okay, so I just blogged 2 minutes ago. But I have just decided something. The next time I blog is going to be from my dorm room. There is just no point in saying anything until then because it is just going to be the same old thing. And I can't just spend tomorrow blogging in an attempt to avoid the fact that I am leaving the next morning. So until this weekend ... I love you guys and will miss you like crazy. There isn't much else to say.

Here we go ....

There isn't much I haven't shared
With you along the road
And through it all
There'll always be
Tomorrow's episode

Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning the great divide
Ask no questions, take no side
Who's to say who's right or wrong
Whose course is braver run
Still we are, have always been
Will ever be as one

What is done has been done for the best
Though the mist in my eyes might suggest
Just a little confusion about what I'd lose
Girl if I started over I'd know I would choose
The same joy, the same sadness
Each step of the way
That fought me and taught me
That friends never say

Say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye

Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning the great divide

I would choose
The same joy, the same sadness
Each step of the way
That fought me and taught me
That friends never say
Say goodbye

Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Say goodbye
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye

GAH! So it just got a ton more real. I said goodbye to Johanna tonight. GAH!!!!!!!!

I couldn't really type out the emotions of the day. But basically this morning I burned a bunch of cds with Caryn. That was mucho cool. More seeing Caryn plus new cds, winning combo. I spend the after noon with my sister, we did some shopping and ate at Old County Buffet. I was a dork and bought the Princess Diaries II sountrack and the Clay Aiken cd. I came home and did more of the packing thing. (on a side note holy CRAP I am bringing so much *stuff* I didn't think I OWNED this much stuff!) Then Johanna came over we picked up Marty and we headed to Wheaton to see Chris. It was looking for a while that we wouldn't be able to see Chris which, i'm not gonna lie, dissapointed me. But luckily we did end up bugging him, I'm really glad. I missed him. I had forgotten almost. But seeing him today was really nice. So that means that tonight was my last night out with Chris Marty and Johanna. And then Johanna came over and left. And wow. That was it. I can't even fathom it right now. I wonder when it will hit me. I really really don't know.

I am honestly really really excited for Bradley. But I just feel so surreal about the whole leaving thing. It hasn't hit me and I honestly don't know if or when it will. I *want* it to. But I just don't know. It's all so weird still.


It's been the summer of singalong voicemails, of Wednesday nights filled with glorious girl talk and movies, the summer I lost the ability to watch a movie without subtitles on, of phone calls I didn't always remember the next day, of random hang outs, too many m&m's eaten, never too many cute skirts, the summer of weekly graduation parties that lasted well into August, of meeting random boys in parking lots and actually hanging out with them, the summer of friendships falling apart but also of friendships coming together, not to sound tacky or anything but it was a summer full of living and learning. Okay, so that did sound tacky, but so be it. It was full of new experiences. And although everything changed, nothing did. It was the summer of saying goodbye to Chris about 12 times. Until finally we knew it really was the last one. It was the summer of being dissapointed in friends and dissapointing a few yourself. It was the summer of Panera dates. Of bread bowls galore. The summer of college orientations. and of way to many conversations about college. It was the summer we all learned that high school drama doesn't end with high school. It was the summer we all went a little crazy in our own ways. It was the summer that was so good that I felt the need to try to describe it in words just now. but it was so good that words really don't suffice. It was the summer of "accidentally in love". It was the summer I learned (the hard way) to leave my phone in the car!. It was a summer of really great songs that turned into horribly over played songs that made you want to beat your radio. Of the guilty pleasure of Ashlee Simpson's new song (you know that you liked it too, don't lie). The summer that DD fever hit everyone and their mom, and we all learned the tern "degayification". A summer of a zillion ice cream runs and the discovery of fugitive. It was the summer that I quite literally turned black and blue. It was the summer when Johanna and I found moan and puppy downright hilarious. We added "in a non sexual way" to nearly every sentence. It was the summer "the notebook" phase hit us all at our sappy cores. Of M*A*S*H* episodes, mosquito bites, and tons and tons of Hilary Duff. It was the summer that I truly learned to "emrace my irish heritage". It was a summer of becoming closer with my family and discovering that my little sister can actually be quite adorable at times. And, perhaps even more important .... it was a summer of flamingos. And now there is just one more day of summer. How did we get here? I sure as hell don't remember. But I'm super excited for college. Just promise me you guys won't forget me cuz I won't forget any of it! (How can I it's on my blog now!)

"Tomorrow we'll be far away,Tomorrow is the judgement day, Tomorrow we'll discover What our God in Heaven has in store! One more dawn One more day One day more!"

Seriously, this leaving for college thing is downright exhausting! Tonight was a farewell filled evening, which I didn't realize it was going to be. Me, Diana, Mel, and Caryn went to a last night out type event at a pizza place for kristin. Saw all the r/b boys for the last time of ths ummer (that is a real heartbreaker let me tell you) coughcough right ... anyway. It was extremely random as Kristin had pictures from her lakehouse and yeah ... it definitely took me back. Wow. I kinda want the double of the one of Kristin, Mike, and Me. But I probably won't be seeing that, oh well. I also saw a random pick of me from Johanna which she stole from Walters which was taken of me laying on top of Mel in some bus in London. Also took me back but in a different way. Come to think of it, it really was a night of random random memories and connections. Later I found myself In Ashleys basement (my how I love that basement!) With Tim, Ash, Johanna, Mel, Caryn, and Johanna. And conversation kept floating around random high school memories and how our views of people changed throughout high school. Like who would have thought that when Ashley asked me who Tim was junior year they would be where they are now, or that that random kid who erin brought to turnabout freshman year would end up dating Mel. Crazy things like that. It was a really cool night. But uncool because I had to say goodbye to Julianne, Diana, Kristin, Tim, and Ashley. And Phine (which was weird cuz i thought i had already done that Monday lol) I also finally got my graduation present from Mel, which I actually loved and got a kick out of. Thanks Mel!

All of these goodbyes aren't really hitting me yet. Like, the fact that I have seen Maggie, Georgia, and Diana for the last times of the summer is pretty weird. Cuz I haven't gone like one week without seeing them recently. Come the think of it that applies to ALL the girls from girls nights. But they haven't been too weird. I mean, it hasn't really sunk in yet. But tomorrow I will see Johanna for the last time (for at least 2 months) which is just plain WEIRD!!!! Cuz it is out of the ordinary if I go like more than 2 days without seeing her now. But tomorrow we'll hug goodbye knowing it will be the last time we'll hang out for a while at least. And that's weird. I'm not saying I can't function without her. I'm just saying that it is super weird that I won't be able to randomly hang out with her every other day.

I'm really glad that I saw everyone that I did today. And I can't wait to visit everyone, especially at ISU, Wesleyan, and UofI. It's gonna be great!

Well sleep is good. I think I'll be needing it ... goodnight!

PS today is the first Wednesday in a really long time that I haven't spend at George's. I miss it already!!!

Well the family dinner tonight went well. My mom was glad that I 'penciled in' some time for it. Can I help it that i've been out of the house so often? There are a lot of people I need to see before I leave!!! No but really, quality irish family time was had at Molly Malones with mom dad sheila john plus my aunt bridget and mark. I gave Bridget my adress so hopefuly I can count on some letters and packages from her :) I have a feeling I'll need the dose of home. I came home and actually spend the entire night at home! *gasp* shocking I know! I figured that it was about time. I did jet out for a minute to see Mary Rehor but only for like 10 minutes. Then I came home and watched Boondock Saints with my dad, which he slept through the middle of. But not before he gave me a "drinking - have a good time but not SUCH good time that it messes up your education, cuz it could happen all to easily" and the "sex is bad, find good guys" talks. However, it was okay because I pretty much literally typed the words he used and that was it. Not neccesarily painless, but quick for certain. Anyways, it was nice spending a night at home. I'm kinda gettng exhausted after squeezing in everything getting ready for Saturday. I plan on going to bed right when I finish this post. Which will hopefully be soon. In fact I think that it shall be now.

3 more days at home and then it's time to dive head first into Bradley!

Is it weird that I almost WANT to get a good cry out? Like, I've been saying goodbye's and going through all the lasts and being pretty sad ish. But I haven't just let it all out in a good cry. I don't know if I will. It doesnt' feel like I will. But I kind of want to, I think it will almost help. That was random ... but yeah I dunno. 3 more days at home and then Bradley ready or not here I come!

PS~
tricia0722: ashley was taller!
tricia0722: goodnight!

Light speeds I tell you! Light speeds!

I came home from lunch and putzed around home, packed up some more and sent my dad to buy me more things. Then I headed off the the last movie night of the summer. On the way there I picked up pictures at Walgreens, yay summer. Interesting pictures .... Johanna knows why lol. But really I took not nearly enough pictures this summer! But it's okay it was made up for today! Movie night was fantabulous as always. Appearances were made by myself, Johanna, Caryn, Georgia (of course!), Maggie, Trish, and Josephine. Allstar group :) We watched Casablanca and 16 candles. I ate way to many M&M's, we reminiced about sweet 16's and birthdays in general, including fun gifts. And priceless comments that could only be truly grasped by Phine Johanna and myself hehe. And the hour long process of saying goodbye to Georgia and Maggie, which meant stalling with conversation about college and random topics as always. But I loved every stalled moment. I saw George and Maggie for the last times this summer. And i even got a hug out of maggie! So it was a good night. And a sad night. But I'll see them all again. Cuz all the people who were there are people that I plan on keeping in touch with no matter what. So it's not really goodbye. It's just see you later.

This week is going to go by both super slow and super fast all at the same time. All of a sudden in an instant on Saturday morning I will be living a new life in a new place. It's all so very exciting and crazy and nerve wracking and exciting all mixed up into one hectic package! Yikes!

Wow. Things are rushing by at light speeds it seems! Did I really just blog 2 days ago? It seems like so much more! Well Sunday was a great day. I went to my last mass at St. Bernardine's for a while and sat with mary. I saw Jon, Tom, and Ced too. It was a little mini reunion lol. From mass I headed over to Maria's. We talked and ate pizza and did the usual Lemont activities. I'm really going to miss hanging out at her house. but I'm sure I'll make my way over there again eventually. It might be a while, but I'll be back. Despite what she may think. Seriously, maybe some people think I'm crazy but I'm not planning to lose touch with you people! I know I won't keep every single tie from high school but there are certain people who I plan to keep my relationship with. And one of those people is Maria. I love that girl and she has always always been there for me. Anways from Maria's (after watching a movie that I really wanted to think was creepy and disturbing but actually kinda liked) I went to Mary Rehor's grad party in Bolingbrook. Jetta was already there. The night turned out to be pretty fun as my last grade school hang out for a while more than likely. I saw Mary, Jetta, Brandon, Jon, Rob, Albert (eh), Joe, Adam, Liz, Cedric, and Don. I love hanging out with those guys. It's always so .... random ... and ... indescribable? Plus Liz was there which is always really cool. We climbed on dirt piles and threw rocks. What can beat that really? And there was DDR-ing so the night was complete. Plus a delicious steak and shake run. I stayed at Mary's that night with Jetta.

For some reason, as I was hanging out with grade school people I got really eager and excited to be at Bradley. I'm really lookin forward to meeting new people. I love hanging out with my grade school friends, but alot of the time I get that kinda un appreciated kinda feeling. They just really don't know who I really am anymore. I've changed so much from the girl that they used to know. And I don't think that I've ever let them get to know the new me. With the exception of Walters, Mary, and Liz, and maybe Jetta. I can't wait to be at Bradley and act how I want to act and be friendly and out going and have the ability to start over with new people and have new experiences and I really just can't wait to be in Peoria!

Straight this morning I pretty much went to lunch. It was Me, Caryn, Lizzy, Johanna, and a little bit of Annie. It was a good lunch :) And the last time I'm going to see Lizzy for a while *tear* We talked about (what else) college and had a fantastical time. And now I am home and it feels like 2 years later and not 2 days since my last post. Man this week is weird. It's just odd. Seeing people for the last time. I mean, I am being both really melow dramatic and really optimistic at the same time. I really really feel like I am going to stay in touch with the people that I want to. There are just people that I don't doubt I will see again and talk to this coming year. But at the same time everytime I hang out with people it seems like the last time. I know it's not the LAST time ever. But I just can't help but feel dramatic about the whole thing. I've already seen a lot of people the last time and tonight is the last movie night *tear* but it doesn't matter, I plan on having a blast :)

As for the college classes thing? Oh right. .. we are going to *school* where we are supposed to *learn* Trust me, I had more than forgotten about that fact. When I went to lunch with my roommate it took us an hour and a half to even mention what classes we were taking let alone what MAJOR we were. But nevertheless a week from Wednesday I will be in college classes. EEK!

AND .......

It turns out that I really really really can't talk with Susie at ALL until September 5th! ;'( That is so not fair! *sigh* But I shall persevere somehow. Maybe!

ps~ I really mean it! If I don't have your dorm adress EMAIL IT TO ME! fopoblonde102@go.com (This means that unless you are Kc, Annie, or people living at home you must email me!) .... Thank ya! :)

it is 2 in the morning. Why am I blogging? A combination of not being tired, refusal for any time to go to waste doing a silly thing like sleeping, thoughts running through my head, and the fact that I am talking to lizzy so can't leave just yet.

I just read one of Trish's blog entry and it got me thinking. I am looking forward to college for a lot the same types of reasons. I think that it is so great that I am getting this opportunity to present myself any way I want to. I can choose how much of myself and my past to reveal to all the new people that I meet at school. My transition from grade school to high school was similar to Trish's kinda. I came into Fenwick with 2 really good friends. One I am since lost touch with, I can't really say whose fault it was. I'd like to say hers, but maybe i played into it too. I also lost touch with the other, but we still talk from time to time and I always look forward to when we do. I definitely didn't expect to find all the amazing friends that I did at Fenwick. In grade school I was always the quiet smart one. And I never really felt apreciated. Okay, that was a really dumb sentence. But I mean, I was always the uncool one, the unexperienced one, the klutz, the awkward one. I don't know. But I found these wonderful people at Fenwick who really liked me, and thought I was funny, and really appreciated me. And I had never really felt that with any of my friends in grade school. Since then I have felt that way with them now. But the person I was in 8th grade was so different from the person that I am today. And in college I want to really be myself. And be really outgoing. I can't wait to meet new people. I don't want to be the awkward shy quiet one. I'm going to be the friendly outgoing person. I can;t wait till Saturday when that is put to the test. Yeah, well I really need sleep now. So night everyone!

Here I am again. Tonight was .... weird kinda. Good. But weird. There is this weird curtain falling over everything I do. I'm starting to view every thing as a series of "lasts". Tonight was my last random mass Fenwick get together. And how fitting that it was at Dave's house, host to the first massive random Fenwick gathering of senior year. My how things have changed since then. It almost hurts my brain to think about it. Tonight was good. There was quality swingage with Maggie and Georgia, a lot of "hey i haven't seen you all summer but hey have a good life" type moments, also a lot of "man now I remember why I liked Fenwick so much" moments, the usual randomness and inuendo that follows my friends, and a very disturbing conversation about each of our abilities to clench our butt muscles. Yes, you read me right. Don't ask! lol, so yes, quite the Fenwick farewell bash. I was reminded that I have a total of zero dorm addresses and like 30 that I really need to get. So remind me to get on that! There was also a lot of picture taking since I realized that I have like no pictures of this summer! and EEK the eerie ness continues. Georgia is in 310!!! We can have a club now! Me, George, Mark, and Jo!!!

Sunday: Last mass for the summer at St. B's*Seeing Maria for the last time*Mary Rehor's grad party (aka last time to see my grade school and FoPo Buddies for a while)
Monday:Lunch thing with Lizzy and crew*Last movie night *tear*
Tuesday: Babysitting*Farewell "family" dinner
Wednesday: Babysitting*Last Melissa hang out
Thursday: Last day out with Johanna(Korean Church and maybe Panera?)*hello and goodbye to Chris (My clique re-united!!!)
Friday: Last night at home, packing up the car and then probably Marty's eagle scout thing and who knows what!

Not that you care lol

After dropping off Caryn and Walters I stopped by my aunt and uncle's 8-track party that they were having. Drunk adults and 8 tracks. *sighs and shakes head* Entertaining for sure.

Okay, so my dad is really getting on my nerves. I mean, I love him. Especially since he's being so understanding about certain trouble that I managed to get myself in recently. But sometimes he can make me so mad! He brought up some scandal about pornography being found in some Monastery in Sweden or some other country. And He's like "it's terrible, just terrible" and I was like "well yeah, no one is debating that. It IS terrible!" But he is just so stubborn and hasn't been to church in such a long time. This is the man who made me go to church every Sunday. And pops went to church everyday. He was a freaking usher! How can my dad just throw away his faith because some creeps exist in this world who just happen to be connected to the church. Does he think that God doesn't exist? Or that if He does exist that he doesn't approve of religion? That seems to be the idea that he has. And he always brings it up and it's just annoying cuz he won't even listen to my point of view. I really want him to go back to the church, at least to give it a try. I really thought when pops died that he might give it a second chance. Those charges and controversy aren't in OUR parish. He knows our priests, he likes them, how can he hold St. Bernardine's to blame for the bad things going on other places in the archdioces. It just bugs me that he doesn't even give it a chance any more. Or that he didn't even in the first place. There are creeps EVERYWHERE! It isn't only a church thing. It makes me wonder why he went to church in the first place, or what he even believes. And then I feel guilty for missing church so often recently. I am definitely taking Susie up on her offer to go to Church together and get brunch on Sundays. Speaking of Susie, the next time I see her will be in Peoria! *AH!!!*

Okay sorry for the really random and out of the blue tangent. But church is cool. We should all go. I mean, if you're catholic. If you're jewish go to temple if you're muslim go to mosque. If you believe in God pray. you get the vibe ... The end.

Once again. Sorry, random.

But yeah ... what a week this promises to be. I'm mostly packed up but I'm so afraid I'm going to forget something super obvious or something. And i have so much more left to buy and EEK!

You know ... in the beginning of the summer I was doing ridiculously good with eating healthy and drinking water and even excersizing. But then one day I took a break ... and yeah the break has lasted quite a while. So with the new beginning of school and whatnot I am really going to try to eat healthier and take advantage of the gym and stuff. As I was discussing with Maggie and Georgia we are going to come back looking super model gorgeous and everyone will ask us what our secrets are :) hehe

Okay well I just wrote alot but didn't say much of anything. Isn't that always how it goes. Oh but hey a big *WELCOME BACK* to Trisha to the blogging world, we missed ya! Tomorrow is gonna rock. Woot church and maria and mary. Adios!

And now I have two post saying exactly the same thing .... Oh geez lol sorry about that.

Okay, so I just finished a long blog post. And, of course, it got deleted. Grrrrr Blogger!

The basic points were:

*Last night was random in the best possible of ways. Mark and Johanna get it.
*Maggie and Georgia are possibly two of THE coolest girls on the planet. They rock the socks of awesomenss, just in case you didn't know that
*I've realized how incredibly much I am going to miss Johanna. She is Muffy to my Kiki! But, as Mark pointed out, our insanity batteries should last us until x-mas break when we can just recharge them again anyway! :) Bradley and Creighton better be ready!
*I threw away a spoon at Panera hehehe
*Yesterday marked the first time that I ate at Panera Bread twice in one day!
*I met my roommate!!! And she not only isn't a phycho, but it seems like we're going to get a long just great! Granted I have known to be a sucky judge of character in the past ... but never the less I am way less stressed about that now


Move in day is one week from today! ...... HOLY %*@#$!!!
... back to regularly scheduled blogging...

*And since there has yet to be a blogger 12 step program instated, I also will be keeping my blog next year. But only in the Fenwick circle. It'll be a little conection to home.
*I just said next year. I meant next WEEK! ack!
*Okay, come on, it is a LITTLE freaky that I'm in 910 Jo is in 810 and Mark is in 510 isn't it???


*I also feel obligated to add that yesterday marked 7 days till Creighton, it was Friday the 13th, a black cat ran across our path, and zombies tried to eat my brain.

Alright, so it's a week from today.





HOLY *#$%!!!





Okay ... sorry ... back to normally sceduled blog topics ....

*ahem* I met my roommate yesterday! We got lunch and it went very well. She's definitely not a psycho, then again I've been known to be a horrible judge of character in the past. No, but seriously I think that we are going to get a long just fine. So I am much less aprehensive about move in day. Although that day is going to be high on the stress radar. It just seems so hectic and chaotic. But Ithink that's cuz that IS what it i going to be! I'll feel much better once all my stuff is in my room. Which, speaking of, it looks like I really got a nice dorm. Mostly upperclassmen are in it and the height thing could actually be pretty cool. Plus apparently they have they biggest rooms. I'm just getting really excited. I went shopping yesterday for more college stuff and I should be going again today before the grad party I think. I bought 4 new dvds :)!!! I got my Mandy Moore fix with Chasing Liberty and How to Deal and I also picked up the neccesary Boondock Saints and Love Actually. So w00t.

Last night was a lot of fun. Johanna came over, that always leads to good things. We had a panera date. Which marked the first time that I ate Panera TWICE in one day. It could be our last date there *tear* But then again knowing us. It won't be.

hehehe I threw away a spoon at Panera.

Anyway ... we came home and I talked to Maggie for a while (by the way Maggie O'Brien and Georgia Schulte are two of THE very coolest girls in the world. They rock the socks of awesomeness. Just in case you were wondering) So me and Johanna ended up scaring ... er, I mean "visiting" Mark. It was a good visit. Okay, come one. It IIIIIS coincidental doncha think? I'm room 910 Jo is 810 and mark is 510??? yeah that's right. It's FATE! hehe Right i'm trying to put last night into words and I just can't. But Mark and Johannak know what I'm talking about ... maybe.

Oh, and just for the hell of it I feel the need to say that it was 7days till Mark and Jo were leaving, it was Friday the 13th, a black cat ran across our path, and zombies almost ate our brains.

Wow. So it hit me last night. It's REALLY going to suck not to have Johanna with me next year. Like, I can act like such a spaz in front of her and it doesn't matter. She is Muffy to my Kiki! How can we not be together? yeah ... so that will suck. But as Mark pointed out our insanity batteries will be charged and they should last us until X-mas break when we can recharge them. So Bradley and Creighton had better watch out!!!

Princess Diaries II is great .... if you have a.d.d. .... or are an 83 year old. Luckily one of those applied to me tonight! I have never laughed so hard! At least not in a while

Carebear9266: sPaRkLe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a night. Plus seeing the movie with 3 of the coolest girls on the planet made the night even better. And (as Caryn so brilliantly pointed out) Dr. G had a cameo in the movie!

Of all weekends to have as my last weekend at home this upcoming one really is going to be the best! Saturday I get to have a fenwick sendoff of sorts at Dave slash Tim's fiesta. Hopefully I'll get go see a few Fenwick people that I've missed seeing this summer. Then Sunday is Mary Rehor's grad party and I'll get to see all my fopo and st. b's buds before the summer is over! Man, this weekend is going to be great! Not to mention I'm hanging out with Maria, yay!

I came home from the movies today with this message waiting for me :

crazygirl657689: Dear Mary,
I really love you. And ill miss u at colloge that picture is really gonna get me throgh hard times I really love u Please talk and hang out with me as much as possible before u go to colge


HA! You all wish you had my sister :) All I can say is AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


I meet my roommate tomorrrow! Wish me luck!

I have decided that I am actually really really happy that I am going to Bradley. It's going to be nice to have a new place. Where I only know one person. Where so many completely new experiences and responsiblities lay ahead of me. I know that it will be a challenge, and until now I was kind of dreading that challenge, or at least parts of it. But now I am excited. Because I know that in the end I will be able to say that I handled it! I need to be challenged or I'll never know what I am capable of. Plus, although I'll be on my own in Peoria, I am only a hop skip and a jump away from all the awesome peopl at U of I, ISU, and Wesleyan. Not to mention the great people staying around home at DePaul, Loyola, COD, UIC and everywhere else. Recently I got a sneak peak of the responsibility thing. I've been learning that I do have control. I have choices, and sometimes, yeah I make the wrong ones. I'm only human. But I've also made good decisions. For example: hanging out with Eric and Charlie, going out to lunch with Liz, seeing Princess Diaries 2 tonight with some really cool girls :). I know some people don't necesarily think that I can do it, or that I mean it. And maybe you think this is just me talking words without anything behind them. But I mean them. I am going to consciously try to change. I need to learn to make better choices involving some things. And I am going to start thinking about the consequences to my actions. This past week and the week to come have been and will be crazy. But it's all worth it, I am having a blast. And I can't wait for Bradley!


PS~ My lap top just got here!!! Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habitI
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

My little sister's away message right now reads: "men, can't live with them, can't live without them" Oh geez!

ps, thanks for the comment annie :)

GAH!!!

I kadillion and fifty six things are going through my brain right now. EEK!!!!!!

Quasi List:

*I just found out 5 minutes ago that Caryn found out 5 minutes ago that Diana ISN'T going to U of I next year. Wait, scratch that sentence. That she isn't going there next WEEK!!! While this really shouldn't upset me, I feel very unsettled. Yet another really weird way my friends are handling this college thing. Uh ... I don't even know what to say on that matter yet. Maybe I never will.

*I got home from movie night at got yelled at for my cell phone bill, is it thoroughly impossible for me do anything right in my family?

*It is possible that I have seen Annie and Trish for the last times this summer. While not official, still a weird thought that it's possible.

*I am so relieved that I am garunteed to see Lizzy Georgia and Caryn again at least one time more for certain.

*I know I'm being over dramatic with everyone and all these goodbyes. But I really just can't help it. And I haven't even dealt with the really really really really really really really sucky ones yet. Blah.

*Things are unraveling so fast! And not all in ways that I expected. But I guess some ties just have to loosten to make for new ones. But yikes what a messy ending.

*I just don't know how, to get it back to good.



I know things are changing. I know that in the end they will be good changes. People have to move on and find out who they are and be on their own and meet new people and all that jazz that we have heard before. I just never realized how sucky and messy parts of all of this were going to be. But in the end I really am excited to go to Bradley, I just want to know that I left things back home and with friends on a good note!

Last night went from the one night I was going to suck it up and stay home to appease my parents and also to get going on packing ... to staying out till 4:30 am! I can't keep up with these big kids, i'm just a youngin'! ;) JK. I *finally* got to go out and see Eric Charlie and their gang. Which included Ben, Katherine, and Jamie. We went down to Katherine's dorm at Loyola where she had to move in early since she's gonna be an RA. We got to push Charlie around in a big moving box on wheels, so how could that not be a barrell of fun?? We then played scrabble, and yeah guess who won? Me and Charlie! boo Ya! Then we went to a diner downtown and I ate yummy pancakes. And when Charlie and ben finally dropped me off - it was 4:30 am! The morning paper beat me home! I wish I had been more talkative but towards the end I was just tired and didn't have much to talk about. I got into speech mode with Jamie for a while which was really funny, maybe I'll do speech at Bradley after all, I dunno. I got accused of ignoring Charlie for the past 2 years, but I contest he did the same so there. i'll have to try to visit ISU and Wesleyan this year. I can party with Ash, Tim, Trish, and Annie and also stop in on Charlie and Eric. What a random weekend that would sure to be. Maybe I'll try to do that.

So leaving the house I had a freaky deja vu feeling. Now as we all know, sophomore year was a not so good year for me. I had the short hair and glasses thing going, and yeah, I just am not feelign that look. Since then I got contacts and grew my hair out and looked quite a bit different. But as I was leaving the house I realized that I had short hair again and (because I had picked them up that very day) glasses again! And I was going to hang out with the people that I hung out with sophomore year. It was a strange feeling. So I threw my contacts in just because I couldn't do that lol. Also in the car I remembered a time when Charlie gave me and Chris Lund rides home. And at the time I was hanging out with Charlie alot, and barely knew who this Chris guy WAS! My how things change ... how weird. But I really did have a blast hanging otu with then again yesterday. It's never boring. And (a sign that they are truly friends) they (especially Charlie) did nothing but rag on me the entire night hehe. And then he paused and said "wait that isn't why you haven't talked to me for 2 years?" and I laughed and then explained that actually the more you make fun of me the better friends you are with me. Then he said "wow, I must be your best friend then!"

I also found it funny when eric was like, "mary! I'm worried about you! you've got all these cuts and bruises!" I had forgotten that not everyone looks like they just got in a major fight with a table or something.

Another funny Eric comment, "mary, I'm worried that you're not drinking enough" ... "haha funny most people think the exact opposite!"

But yeah, I had a fun night last night and I'm so glad I was able to hang out with them before I leave. Hopefully I'll get to see them again before I leave, but if not I'll have to be sure to visit them at ISU and Wesleyan.

Move night tonight! Possibly the last one. EEK!

Twoness 45 77: so how are things back home?
FoPoBlonde102: pretty good, I leave the 21st, next Sarturday so i'ts been crazy trying to fit everything in beforeI leave
Twoness 45 77: yeah that is crazy isn't it?
Twoness 45 77: but let me tell you
Twoness 45 77: don't stress out about it, because you wont get it all in
Twoness 45 77: but what you do get in will be great
FoPoBlonde102: that's just my nature lol, to stress out
Twoness 45 77: and you'll love every minute
FoPoBlonde102: but thanks for the advice
FoPoBlonde102: thanks: )
Twoness 45 77: so enjoy every minute of what you are doing, not what you aren't

Wow, that was weird.

I just saw Jasmine for the last time for the summer.

Yeah, that was weird.


Today was fun. A chill night of hanging out in Tim's basement, which I always love to do. Me Johanna and Jasmine were talking on the way home about how LONG ago graduation feels like. Doesn't it feel like eons ago? Or at least a year or two? SO much has changed since then. We've all be changing and I personally don't even recognize the girl that walked across that stage! And if I'm this changed after a summer away from high school. What am I going to be like after a year of college!? Strange thought, but it will be fun to find out (I hope)

Seriously, how LOOOOONG ago does the entire school year feel to you guys? It feels like ages ago to me. I had already started to forget the fun times and the randomness of the school year. But I started reminicing about a bunch of random bfg centered times today. *sigh* those were the days. And now before I start talking like an old fogey ...

So many changes are being thrown at me I don't even realize how to react to one when another is thrown! ACK!


How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweighed the bad.
I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I don't know where this road
Is going to lead.
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I just got back from going out to lunch with Liz. Man, that was a great time, it's a shame we didn't do it more often the past year. But it was so nice having a new person to talk to, and to just vibe with. That was so needed! And you know what? She didn't judge me at all. Who knows why, I probably would have judged myself lol. But wow that was awesome. YaY! :)

Last night was fun too. I hung out with Maggie, Sarah, Julianne, and Kristin. Another random night, but one of my last nights out with those girls so it was cool. But way not as much fun as lunch today. You know that life afirming this is why I'm here kinda moments I was asking for the other day? I think this lunch was perfect for that.

And listen to me going on and on when it was really just a chill lunch date. But it was SO just what I needed! Man the past week has been crazy and the next 2 promise to increase! yikes!

crazygirl657689: hey i love u


Man, I wish that could fix everything.

Geisert Hall 910
911 N. Duryea Place
Peoria, IL 61606
mdonoghue@bradley.edu
Dorm #: (309)677-1221
Cell #: (708)785-1644

Well, there it is. You blog whores officially have NO reason to not keep in touch next year ;P hehe. (I emailed this to you too George, at least If I have your current email I did I think)

TGIFridays was fun. I can't believe we all leave so ridiculously soon! EEK! Some people were miseed ;'( You were there in spirit! And later I got a random call from Jonathan and had a good talk with him. I think I needed that advice. And now I'm just sitting around till later. My roommate called me earlier! Hurray! And we are going to meet on Friday. And she sounds really nice. I didn't talk to her too long, after all if we found everything out today we would have nothing to talk about Friday! lol (ps, there is a Panera Bread in Elmhurst correct?, and that is near if not on York Road right? I hope so cuz that's where we decided to meet. This was from me thinking, hey I went out with Melissa one time a while ago and I think we were by her house and I think we went to Panera. Oh man, if anyone knows please give me a heads up!)

Till later!

So yesterday I went to the outlet mall of Aurora with Johanna. It was a good time, shopping with your best friend, what could be better? I bought some fun t-shirts and some other cute things, plus an awesome purse and a pink watch! It was a successful trip. PLUS, the main highligh of the evening. Me and Johanna braved Craker Barrell. Not only THAT .... but! She also ordered ... Chicken and Dumplings (dundunDUN!) hehe, and I now own a list of every single cracker barrell in the United States. So if you were curious, I've got the info. But anyway when we got back into town we ended up chilling in Ashley's basement with Ashley, Josephine, and later Tim and Dom. We talked about getting raped, weird stalkers, houses burning down, then onto more cheery talk such as getting high while dancing, getting drugged in your dreams, lucid dreaming, comic strips, computers, ninjas, Doom 3, Ligers, and of COURSE ... McGriddles. If I never hear anything about McGriddles again I will be a happy girl. But seriously, it was cool hanging out with a different crowd for one night. Plus I hadn't hung out with Ash and Tim in what seems like 4EVER! So that was really cool. I have a feeling one of my other friends thinks that I am blowing him off or something but I swear that I'm NOT!!!! It's just been really not good timing when he has tryed to get together! Then again the chances of him reading this are about .02 percent. Oh well. I feel bad nonetheless.

OH! I got my dorm assignment!!! Finally! I got Geisert Hall, which apparently isn't bad. It has air conditioning (plus), It has a cafeteria that serves most meals in its basement (plus), I'm on the 9th out of 10 floors (eh) of the building whose highest point is also the highest point in all of Peoria. So if anything I'll probably have SUPER good reception for my cell phone! lol I would take a page out of everyone else's blogs and post my schedule, but I'm really just that lazy. LOL I think I already bored you guys when I got back from orientation with all the info anyways. I've been emailing 3 of the girsl that I met at orientation, so it's really nice knowing that I'm not going into all of this alone. One of the girls got University Hall, but I hope that Jenni or Elizabeth get Geisert! Well, I think I'm hanging out with Mary Rehor today, but call my cell if anyone wnats to hang out

OH OH OH OH OH ! AND

ATTENTION ALL GIRLS: TGIFRIDAYS IS TOMORROW AT NOON. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE IT AND SPREAD THE WORD TO ANY GIRLS WE HANG OUT WITH THAT YOU CAN. cuz I have a feeling not everyone knows. So thanks guys!

Okay. So things really aren't THAT bad. But we all have those days, right? Sorry for the complaining of earlier posts. Incidentally, just for the record, I meant what I said my last post. It used to be fun. And now it's not anymore. I hate what it brings out of me, I just needed one more experience to convince me I guess. But I am CONVINCED. Believe you me. I didn't make an ass of myself like on Saturday. Well, actually it was probably worse. But anyway. It's out of my system now, I swear. This is all for my own good. Cuz if it's on the blog then I'm gonna have to stick to it. So yeah.

Last night actually was fun for the most part. Jacuzzi Partying and yummy pizza. Plus, my two summer goals accomplished. Both being rather bitter sweet. Actually number one was mainly bitter, only sweet since it's out of my system now. And number two was fun, minus the self pity olympics that ensued.

I did manage to keep from trying to give Diana Kristin or Johanna any advice of any kind. So score one for me. That probably brings me up to negative 23 or something lol

And I'm sure Brandon thinks I'm crazy. Then again. I kinda am. So it all works out.

so yeah. From today on I'm being more positive. Instead of blogging about everythign that's wrong and seems uncontrollable, I'm going to talk about how I am GOING to control it. Because I simply have to.

My family will be fine. My friends will be fine. And my friends will keep me fine.

I am never drinking again ... ever.

And I SO mean it this time!

And I forgot that Eric is mad at me. Or at least quasi mad. But don't worry I was just reminded.




Shoot me now.

Please?

My life is falling apart.

Okay, maybe it really isn't that bad. But I can't help but feel that way. Do you ever get in one of those moods where you just NEED one of those life-afirming, this is why i'm on this planet, reason to love the world or at least your friends kind of moments. Well I need one. But I doubt that I'll be getting one anytime soon. (and no, this isn't a hint to any of you lol) It's just been one of those days. *sigh* Definitely one of those days. Bugger (girls night inpsired input bridget jones style lol)

I suck at Life.

I mean really, that is the only thing that makes sense at the moment. I'd like to make a neon sign, just to hang in my room and brightly profess my imense sucking at life.

My mom is crushed by recent events and I don't know how to comfort her. And I don't even think my brother feels bad. Which kills me. I just don't know what to do. And miraculously I was able to go to girls night tonight. I really don't know if that helped too much but it got me out of the house. And somehow I wragled my way into still beign able to to Ryan and Jack things tomorrow. That was BARELY managed tho trust me. And my mom was all upset and we talked. And it just killed me. Absolutely killed me. She is so upset and rightfully so, mainly at my brother. God I hope he feels bad. Really really bad. Anyway, and now my parents don't know what to do with my brother, and to be honest I don't even knwo what they should do. But I do know that I am only going to be home for 17 or 16 more days and after that it will be just john vs. my parents (aka my dad) And I want to be here to fix it, to be the buffer, to keep my dad from exploding in the wrong way at my brother and keeping my brother from beign TOO stupid. But I won't be here. I'll be gone and I don't know what's going to happen. I just want to stay home and make my mom happy and my dad peaceful and somehow put sense into my brother. Not that I know how to do the latter. But I want to be home just to try or SOMETHIGN!!! I started crying with my mom realizing how badly I just want to stay here. You'd think I'd want to escape this situation, and early today I thought I did. But I just want everyone to be happy and I just ... How can I leave my family? How can I leave my friends? How can I leave Forest park? I'm really beginnning to feel like I can't. I mean I know I CAN. But it's getting more confusing.

And I just feel so ... so much is missing in my life. I got a new cell phone but it really isn't what I wanted (this is so stupid, I don't even care and i can switch for a new one I don't even know why i'm blogging abotu it) I haven't had a meaningful romantic relationship since, well since a LONG time, I just recently got over my one half meaningful stupid nonexistant fling, I feel disgusting and really need to lose about 20 pounds (in the next week preferably), I don't have the trust of my parents, or of my brother incidentally, my brother is a pathological liar, and I'm somewhat certain my sister is going to have a mental breakdown in the near future. I am in a fight with a friend over the stupidest thing ever having to do with me not having a spine and sucking at life, I relived Office Space memories that really kind of sucked. But not because it brought back bad memories. Cuz it brought back good memories which I am not allowed to think of as a good moment anymore. And we all leave so soon, and I am already losing friendships which meant the world to me during the school year. And now i feel like it's just meh. It's never going to be the same as it was then. And I know that's the same old jazz many people have been feeling. But I never thought it would be that way with this person now. but it is. And truthfully, at this point. I don't know if it can be fixed. There is just so little time left and so much more left to do. And pretty soon none of any of this will matter because I will be at Bradley and everything will change. And I'm so afraid to leave things at home unsettled and unhappy. Because if it isn't fixed when I leave it won't be fixed when I come back. Yeck.

Weird blah day.

I apolagize.

It could have been a lot worse.

But I have a feeling the worst could be yet to come.

thank god I am leaving in 17 days!

AND my roommate assignment hasn't come yet!!!! ug!

It was nice knowing you guys. Really, it has been a blast.

Ug. I might not be seeing you guys for a while. Unless I am over estimating my parents wrath. But I doubt it. Granted their confusion might be over shadowing their wrath. But the wrath will come I'm sure. Or at least the unfair detainment of their children. Why couldn't this have happened after I left for Bradley? Or even better last weekend when I was completely INNOCENT. Grrr. Gr. Gr. Gr. This sucks. Not to mention my car is dying. Well it is making un unhealthy noise. So even if I was ever allowed to drive it again, which who really knows ... IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T WORK!!! Blah!

On a more positive note I had a good time spending time with Maria yesterday slash today.

My parents can't really keep me home can they? I only have 18 days or so with my friends before I never ever see them again. Well, for a really long time. I can't be forced to stay home and never see them again can i? They wouldnt! .....

Would they?

Oh, crap. My brother is such an idiot.

MY ROOMMATE ASSIGNMENT STILL HASN'T COME ;'( AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Maybe tomorrow? Pray to the mail gods ;)

I ate three brownies today, god I am a pig.

So many of my friends are awesome. And I am so lucky for that. They know me and they love me anyway. How cool is that.

I bought the soundtrack to DeLovely. Yay! I am going to go listen to it right when I'm done updating.

I hung out with Johanna Diana Jack and Ryan today. It was fun. It nearly almost is. I feel like much less of an ass now so that is good.

I'm looking forward to this whole week. I am hanging out with Maria tomorrow, movie night Wednesday, Thursday will be an fun experience, Friday is Johanna slash maybe Mary Rehor if not Saturday. yeah. Cool week ahead. Knock on wood.

That's really all I have to say. Ciao!

WoW. it is ridiculus how little sense my last post made at all. My apolagies. I hope some of you got a laugh out of it at least, I knwo Johanna already did. So yeah. Last night, Hung out with Chris and Johanna. Big Fat Greek Wedding. Good time. And yeah Johanna, I was over dramatic about Chris leaving too. But he is gone more or less a whole MONTH before everyone else leaves. And he is such a constant to our lives. Like we can always go bug him or kidnap him and he's always there to make fun of us. So now he's not. And that means that things are changing. But I love being over dramatic (ahem bfg ahem lol) So it's all good. And we get to see him right before we leave so I am still a happy girl. Today I went out to lunch with Jo and Chris. Once again good times, duh it always is. Well, except for when it isn't lol. But today it was. So ANYway. I went to work and ran some errands and now I am home. I had a long phone call with Mary Rehor which was awesome. And I don't have enough time for anyone anymore I feel like!!! I mean, in reality I do. But it's like one day I'll have a completely free week and the next day I have stuff going on with people everyday of the week. Which in itself is a good thing . Cuz I am doig thigns. Which I like to do. But that means I can't do things with OTHER people. And I keep pushing things to the next week. And soon I am going to run out of weeks. Like I was penciling events and ppl in to my planner and it was scary cuz I can't write ANYTHING down after August 21st Cuz I have no clue who I will be doing thigns with or where I will be doing them or what the heck I'm gonna be doing! Let alone where I am going to be living. Cuz I didn't get my roommate stuff today. But I should be getting it any day now! I loved your blog today by the way Johanna cuz I love all the stuff you talked about and yeah. We're so almost the same person. You're coming over soon so i'll see ya then! And we don't have plans yet (when do we ever?) So call us if you want to do something fun and exciting! Or ya know ... something average yet random.

Hmm I don't think that the energy resides anywhere in my body to really give an account of this weekend in any order or form that would make sense to any of you. But some mishmash random thoughts and occurences and randomness ...

Trish's house is amazing! I might just move in with her family. And she has a random neighbor, who knew. Fr. Tom - Ozga - politics WoW Just wow. No other words. Mystery Voicemail. By the way in case anyone is interested it was Eric Paouli Infanzon. Completely random yet it makes complete sense. So now we know who sounds like a mix of Brian Ryan and Paul. Kinda. Oh man that combination is hurting my brain to combine. Anyways that mystery was solved (more than 24 hours later mind you). I missed out hanging out with Eric Charlie and i think Julia. Which is annoying but at least I didn't just stay home. Stopped by home in between outings with Diana. And yeah ... 8 track party. My parents and their friends had fun, perhaps too much fun? I wasn't around to watch (thank God) I bonded with my brother over weird things I never thought we would bond over. I am Irish. Alcoholism runs in the genes. That could be bad. But who can fight genetics? Random Party Saturday. I made an ass of myself. It's not even worth it to blog the details. I feel like an ass. but I still had fun. If only I had left maybe a 1/2 hour earlier... Oh well. I had fun that's all that really matters right? I mean I'm pretty much an ass anyways. So yeah fun random party. With a total of 5 people I knew, one random fenwickian, one random ex-fenwickian, and 67 other random people. Thursday will be really fun or really dumb. Could really go either way who knows. Entertaining it shall be regardless. Umm ... Luckily Georgia kidnapped my phone cuz she saved me from making some REAAAAAAAAALLLY stupid phone calls later that night. No Joke George, I think I owe you a dime or something for that! man scary to think what I would have tryed to do. Right anyways I did manage to leave random voicemails for Johana. Oh man ... But right weird sibling bonding. And speaking of siblings. My sister is like, a real person. I keep forgetting that. But she was talking on the phone earlier and sounding ... well ... sounding like ME! And she like hangs out with people and they talk about things and they go out and meet other people and she thinks boys are cute and discusses this with her friends. She is supposed to be 10 years old and she grew up on me! Weird. And when I come back she's gonna be even MORE grown up! Ah! Craziness. Bad decision making had to do with not hanging out with Chris Saturday night. I need to fix that habit I have of doing dumb things with decisions. See, now you know why I don't MAKE THEM normally. It just never turns out good. But that brings me to Sunday. I slept through 9:30 mass which did not make me feel very good. Blah. But oh well What can I do now? I called Diana and we conferred over last nights incidences. Then I called Chris and ended up at his house. I love Chris. :)! Even though his gift to me was a cow named tipsy. At least he didn't dress it like a whore (don't get me wrong he was planning to!) Here's a tip. Don't watch the food chanel with ice cream goodness and then flip to fear factor where a contestant is eating slugs and then drinkign cow vile. Not a good idea! And yeah I love Chris. I said that already didn't i? And he said we get to kidnap him the 19th!!! Which makes me a very happy person! And yeah I went to Lizzy's most talked about JDepp movie night which lived up the hype although I am sorry we didn't see more johnny depp hotness. But I loved getting together with the girls. And somewhat different girls than the wednedsay night crowd. Not that I dislike the wednedsday night crowd lol but I saw lizzy and phine and caraleigh so yay! And wow. Thanks to all the girls especially George and Caryn and Phine for much needed conversation. Well by conversation I mean let's say everything that has been building up inside of us till February. It was kinda good though. Catharsis. in the that isn't the right word at all to use in this context kind of way. And now I all of a sudden have anger toward a person that I really forgot about. Well I mean I didn't forget about the person. I forgot about the anger. But anyways it doesn't really matter at this point. Mary stop talking. Thank you. Anyways I went back to Chris's and had a good time with him and Johanna. I love Chris AND Johanna. and not bite marks on my forehead but oh well. Chris jetlagged is funny. he slept on a pizza box. I realize that we are strange people but I like it that way. what other random mishmash not making sense thought can I add into this thing ... OH! I got an im from mary rehor today. something along the lines of 'hey i heard about your crazy night last ngiht call me and tell me all about it' This greatly confused me since I only knew 5 people there and none of them talk to Mary. It's another mystery. This one much more easily solved though! I'll call her tomorrow. Her dad's farewell was today after the 9:30 which increased my douchiness of not showing up. WARNING: completely random and vague and not important in the slightest to any of you ramble ... I realized what I am missing. Romance. I have said this before I know. But the thing is I am searching for it all wrong. Because all I really want is for someone to kiss me, and here's the hard part. For them to look forward to do it again. Not for them to kiss me and have the first also be the last. And right now I am going about things very backwards and not good if that is my goal. And none of you care but I needed to snap out of that phase. And I don't really know if I have yet but I think that it's a step in teh right direction. Random addition: I am reading a really cool book right now. It's told all through journal entries and emails and online convos and random recipies and stuff. It's actually really cool. Oh and I finished perks of being a wallflower and really liked it! you must all read it! I get my roommate info really soon! Hopefully this week maybe even tomorrow!!! Cross your fingers for me. And I am sorry for making you read through this mess of absolute nto making any sense. I'm just so tired and I am GOING to go to work tomorrow because I promised myself I would. So I must. Which means i should go to bed. Which means i won't cuz i'll read my book but the sooner i stop typing the sooner i start reading the sooner i finish and go to bed. it makes sense in my head. okay goodnight all!

Ug. I am the worst decision maker in the entire world and also sometimes have the shitiest sense of priorities ever. Ug.