Just a quick post before I get to bed. First of all, move night (as always) gets a wOOt in my book because I went into it feeling 'eck ... blah ... eh' No real reason, just work blahness and almost being in car accident blahness, and ditching babysitting blahness, and stuff. And even though it started out um, passionately? I think that was very much needed and I'm glad that things were said. I still stand by my apology. Also, randomish but to be honest Annie, I was quasi contemplating killing my blog again. Simply because the blog and I have SUCH the love/hate relationship. Everything will be going along smoothly (although perhaps boringly) then I will make the fated mistake of saying something on the blog instead of to the person who I want to tell. It's a problem that I meant to address with the new beginning of this blog but which I failed at horribly. But because you said "you're not going to kill your blog again are you?" I decided that I won't. I will just rededicate myself to healthy random blogging. And hey I figure if anything, Annie will read it when she's bored, as I will read hers when I'm bored. And that goes for all my fellow blog whores ;) lol Also simply realizing how pointless it is to get involved in other people's drama. I mean, I have enough to handle with my OWN drama. Why do I feel the need to know everyone else's? This is a problem that will be fixed.

But yeah, tonight was just what I needed. God I laughed hard today. I can't even relate the awesome hilarity that was tonight. So many random things to laugh about. Yay for Mel and Muffy joining our girls nights. And high five to Maggie for the incredibly obvious suggestion that we should do a girls night movie SLEEPOVER. That must happen.

I lost 4 pounds YAY ME :)! That said, I feel like a pig after eating those brownies. But a one day break won't kill me right? Actually it's funny, after starting this diet (which is really just me deciding not to eat crap) I'm not even that hungry anymore. And I don't even have cravings for soda. I LIKE drinking water. It was a way easier lifestyle change than i thought it would be.

And with that I am off. Sorry to those I already apolagized to. Here's a toast to ACTUALY healthy blogging. *raises glass*

And now lyrics inspired by the car ride home with Caryn and Jo ...

Oh and random day tomorrow of possibly goign to the Taste of Chicago with Mary Rehor and Chris ... We'll see how that goes ...


We knew it all from a little thing
It was everything in our first minute
And it took us to another place
Yeah another place and we fell in it
How dare you not remember
How dare you walk away
We adored every little thing
Every little thing would leave us breathless
Every dawn spelled another day
And in another day we weren't so restless
How dare you not remember
How dare you walk away

[Chorus]
And I wanted you so much
Just like I do right now
I wanted us to be the one the poets write their books about
I wanted it to last
I wanted to grow old
But life got in the way

We walked around in a heavy haze
We were stuck in days of so much warring
We got lost in a tricky maze
Yeah a tricky maze that was so scarring
How come you can't remember
How dare you walk away
Then you start to add the little things
Add the little things and trip the mighty
Now we got a little bitter thing
A little bitter thing that grew like ivy
And how dare you not remember
How dare you walk away

[Chorus]

And apathy grows quietly where rapture used to fly
And promises and certainty have left love here to die
Won't you stay and don't let this one fall away

[Chorus]
[Chorus]

Yeah well life got in the way

Can we forget about the things
I said when I was drunk
I didn’t mean to call you that
I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me
Please tell me
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I’m sleeping with my clothes on
I came in through the window last night
And you’re gone
It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy
Cuz every now and then I kick the living shit out of me
The smoke alarm is going off and there’s a cigarette
Still burning
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I’m sleeping with my clothes on
I cam in through the window last night
And you’re gone
Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I’m sleeping with my clothes on
I came in through the window last night
And you’re gone

So I saw the notebook last night. Me, Caryn, and Diana went out to the lake to see the 9:25 show. It wasn't bad. It wasn't as good as the book (of course) but it was good. And I liked the ending. You literally could *hear* the entire theater bawling. But so yeah, last night was good and girls night tonight, very cool. And yay for Johanna getting today off from the taste! :) And geez, what is the point of me blogging right now? There really isn't one at all. It turns out I might be able to go to Kristin's afterall which makes me happy. It should be a fun time.

I'm really trying to think of something noteworthy or imortant to discuss!!!

Better idea. I'm gonna take a nap until I babysit ...

I HATE BOYS!!! *HMPH*

I am up incredibly too early given my night last night, but I had to wake up early at Caryns and drive my sister to camp. And if I take a nap now I am afraid I won't wake up for babysitting at 12. So in an effort to stay awake I am blogging. Last night was a lot of fun. That inner monologue rule was broken on the a few times especially during the car ride home (i think?) but It's alright, I'll forgive myself given the situation. But yeah, bowling, Wheaton run, Maggie's ... all a very good time. A good time that we should definitely plan on doing again. I finally met the RB boys. Nothing much to comment on there, but I met them so that's cool. Oh yeah! Another game of Taboo was had, and I mean come on, how can that be anything but awesome? Me and Trish had our witty comment respectively ... "If you're still worried about how much, then you're fine" (that is a paraphrase) ... and "pms!" I won't explain that one haha Yeah, and I really don't think there is much else to talk about. One thing about yesterday confused me, but I guess I'll just go with the flow. If other people aren't uncomfortable talking about topics then I guess I shouldn't be either. It was just a little bizzare at first. OOH! and fun London reminicing with Trish :) wOOt! Okay I think I'm really done now, I must find something else to occupy my time besides a nap ...



I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me
And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

As shadows fall, I pass a small cafe where we would dance at night
And I can't help recalling how it how it felt to kiss and hold you tight
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go, and I'll be there
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love her, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Daily Grinder
I love blogging because it's like therapy. I can write about anything and everything that happens to me - from the food I ate to what I was doing when I heard the latest 'breaking news'. Being able to communicate with my friends (online and/or real life) through my blog is important to me.

Hmm, perhaps I am not quite the blog whore that I thought I was? A surprisingly healthy result ...

31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

Well, for once I actually might have something of substance to right about, however one subject I've just decided to ignore, cuz yeah ... and everything else will probably not make sense since I am exhausted. I just got home and it's almost 1:30. This is way late for me. I just realized how ridiculously I've been coming home recently. God I'm a rebel ...

Right so anyways ...

Okay so obviously a topic keeps coming up, and I won't make it into blog drama because, well just say no to drama right Car? But yeah, the reason it keeps coming up is because it NEEDS to! There are lines, and when things make your friends uncomfortable, let alone certain other people, it's a tip off something is off. But that's all I'll say

Georgia's grad party today MUY MUY MUY awesomeness! I mean there was DDR which obviously makes any party, HOT cousins, (*ah* John Patrick) esp. hot cousins walking by in just a towel! ;) yum! Okay sorry, done freaking out george now. There was the pointing out the cuteness of Trish's brother, there was taboo (finger up?!??), A HORRIBLY predictable and tacky movie with a really cute topher grace, a, well, a needed convo with Georgia on the basketball court ... and oh yes! New nick name for George! ... MORGIO!!!! hehehehehe ... and also lots more that I would be sure to remember if I wasn't falling asleep as I am typing ... So wOOt for the awesomest of awesome grad parties!

Right, inner monologue, inner monologue, inner monologue ... I was pretty good today believe it or not!

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

I know i would apologize if i could see your eyes
'Cause when you showed me myself i became someone else
But i was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can't keep awake

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

'Cause if i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
If i find
If i find my own way
How much will i find
You

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
'Cause i been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

May God's love be with you
Always
May God's love be with you

WAIT!!! More thoughts that are bound to not make any sense, but I just rememberd so I'm going to talk about it anyways ...

I really have no inner monologue anymore. Like, whenever something is on my mind I'll just talk about it. With whoever is near enough to listen and who is a good friend. And I think it sometimes has been getting out of hand. I'm sorry that I keep on talking about the same old things with all of you. I'm not even talking about one specific issue. Any issue, you name it and I've talked about it. I'm so sorry. I bore myself sometimes so I KNOW I must be boring all of you. So a HUUUUUUUGE thank you to everyone who puts up with my lack of inner monologue. I'm really going to try to develop that ...

Okay, this time I mean it, random non-sensical thoughs over.

For now.

God I am a fickle person. I don't make any sense, not even to me.

If I am hanging out with the usual clique in Chris's basement or something I'll usually feel like "why are we not out being social or something?!?" Or at least I used to. And then if I am out with the wider circle I am sometimes wishing I were doing something more low key. And when I am at an awesome party, I feel the need to leave to chill in Chris's basement. God, My brain will just not make up its mind. I need to find some middle ground or SOMETHING! I'm sorry for any friends that I have quote unquote 'dissed' in the past few months. And that really includes just about everyone. If I'm with my clique I want to be with more people, and when I'm with more people I sometimes just want to be with members of my clique. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH confusion!!!! And I'm sorry to everyone.

Hmm, I had a whole rant here about how boys suck and they really find ways to screw girls up. I had documented reasons and everything. But then I realized that A) I was alienating all my friends with romantic conections with boys and B) Most of the problems I had thought of were ulitimately the girls fault, and I myself had been guilty of severa of them. Maybe I'll fine a more tactful way to blog about these thoughts later ...

Okay I think I'm done not making sense for now ...


Mile marker 203
The gas gauge leaning on the edge of 'E'
And i'll be danged if the rain aint pourin' down

Somethings smokin' underneath the hood
Theres a bangin' and a clangin' and it cant be good
And it's another 50 miles to the nearest town

Everything I own's in the back in a Hefty bag
Imm out of cigarettes and Im down to my last drag

Chorus:
I'd sure hate to break down here
Nothin' up ahead or in the rearview mirror
Out in the middle of nowhere knowin'
So God help me keep me movin' somewhere
Dont let me start wishin' I was with her now
Ive made it this far without cyin' a single tear
And i'd sure hate to break down here

A hundred fifty thousand miles ago
Before the bad blood and busted radio
You said I was all you'd ever need
But love is blind and little did i know
That you were just another dead-end road
Paved with pretty lies and broken dreams
Baby, leaving you was easier than being gone
Don't know what i'll do if one more thing goes wrong

(repeat chorus twice)

Its too late to turn around
I'd sure hate to break down here
Mile marker 215

Have you ever had one of those days that just has a blah undertone. NO reason or specific thing wrong .... just everything seems to be shrouded in 'eh'ness? Well I had one of those days/nights tonight. And I am so relieved that my internet is working and I can come home and blog it all out. Because for some reason I felt like I couldn't find anyone to really talk to tonight. Like all my friends had other things going on or just didn't realized I needed someone to talk to. Or maybe everyone is just sick of hearing me talk so damn much lol. yeah but I don't know what the point of this post is since I really don't know what was bothering me, making it rather hard to explain and talk about it. I guess I made a stupid decision tonight, geez I have a habit of doing that grrr ... But was it really THAT big of a mistake? I don't know. I have zero judegement skills as we have seen. UGH UGH UGH and at least one problem was resolved because despite Johanna's state of exhaustion I managed to talk to her about one of the things on my mind and she made me feel a little bit better about it. And then there was just friends mad at other friends, I hate awkwardness and drama and eh, it had nothing to do with me but definitely added to the 'blah' undertone. But I got lots of random compliments today which was muy awesome, a big thank you to all those who sent them my way. You are all SO cool! :) ... Ontop of all that there was the same ol' same ol' blahness that got to be overwhelmeing for NO DAMN REASON. The damn blahness just took over my world tonight! Yeck. I hate situations where I can't fix anything no matter what I do. Situations where there's just nothing left to do. ugh.

Ugh.


The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

I fixed my internet!!! All on my own! I have offically made up for my deleting windows freshmean year! Well, mabe not but still I am might proud of myself because now I can blog! And this time I am actually awake so I may just say something. But probably not. I didn't really mention the absolute awesomeness that was girlz night at Georgia's on Wednesday. I love having girls nights. Boys and I - 'tis a love / hate relationship. I love movie nights and they MUST continue! Thursday I sucessfully accomplished driving Sheila around, going to the doctor going to work AND going to the dentist. *whew*! That's over with! Then I went down for a nap around 5:30 and just slept straight through until Friday morning. Friday was an awesome night (as has been ever night this summer, God I'm a lucky girl) ... Anyways, Lizzy's party was a barrel full of fun, as was expected. Complete with a smilin' Tom sighting. Which was a little weird. But okay. And seeing Brother Gabe and Father Tom is always a plus to any day. The traditional call from Blake lol ... Also, at Lizzy's I saw a lot of people who I haven't seen very often this summer. Such as Kate, and Tess, and Liz. And that is when it sunk in that Fenwick is over. Like, for the past months I've HAD to see these people on a daily basis. Now it's all up to us. I'll see who I choose to and not see who I don't choose to ... It's a little bit scary. But hey, a summer full of fun get-togethers is a coming so I'll make a point to call those awesome people that I don't always see everyday any more. So yeah ... onto Johanna's party, which was awesome, fun, akward, exciting, hilarious, random, musical, sexual, horny, odd, akward again, fun again, hilarious again. And then I stayed over which was awesome because ... well just because Johanna is awesome :)!!! I got a GOOOD ab workout old school style last night! hehehe ... Thank you for letting me binge yesterday Johanna, I needed that. I know it was probably annoying and a lot. But thank you for listening to me think out loud, I always appreciate it!

I realized yeterday how incredibly awkward and weird it is to utterly despise someone yet somehow still incredibly miss them all at the same time. I'm not going to say more because, well, in an effort of healthy non bitter blogging lol.

OH! And I also relived my childhood this morning going through Johanna's gigapet's, tamogatchi's, and furbys!!! Oh to be a 5th grader again *sigh* I have to find a new battery and ressurect my tamocatchi!!!

Well till later gators!



Waiting on a Sunday afternoon
for what I read between the lines, you lies
Feelin’ like a hand in rusted shame
So do you laugh or does it cry?
Reply?


Leavin on a southern train
Only yesterday you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watched the time go by
All of these things you said to me

Breathing is the hardest thing to do
With all I have said and all that’s dead for you
You lied- goodbye

Leavin on a southern train
Only yesterday you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watched the time go by
All of these things I said to you

W

Wow, so I haven't posted anything really worthwhile in a while ... and you know what? I still really don't think that I have much to say. In fact, I am sitting here in a zombie like state right now because I had to wake up at 7 in the FRIGGIN morning to drive my brother to summer school cuz my mom couldn't for some reason today. And we played the ever fun game of 'guess which house David is at today" I drove back and forth between his mom and his dad's houses twice. We finally found him at quarter to 8, after 45 minutes of waiting. I drove them to school came back, drove Sheila to camp, and did all of this while half asleep I'm pretty sure. I mean honestly, I don't rememember the car ride at all. ONly feeling veeeeeeeeery sleepy. That's probably not good. I hope the shower I just took will have waken me up enough to drive. Because very soon I must head off for the day from HELL. The usual responsibility free summer days I've been enjoying are on pause for today. Because after cheuffering duties this morning, I have to go to the Doctor for my physical and shots at 10:30 then I have to go to work, then I have to pick up Sheila and THEN I have to go to the detist!!! UGH UGH UGH BLAH! Can you tell that I am not looking forward to this day? And I am also very dissapointed in myself because I had two cinammon buns this morning. Ah well, sorry for the bitterness of this blog. I'll really try to have something worthwhile to say next time! Ciao!

Wow, the un thinkable happened today. We made plans. And they didn't involve sitting around in someone's basement. WoW. I know. Kudos to Ozga and Annie for plan making skills. Random get together of the night was fun. Complete with me being a complete klutz. Rest In Peace cute purse and old sun glasses :( *tear* what is it with me and breaking tacky sunglasses?!?! Lol But really. Also heard something I needed to from Johanna THANK YOU!!! (You probably don't even remember what I am talking about lol but that's okay ...) Also remembered a HILARIOUS story I heard on London and I can't BELIEVE I forgot to tell johanna about till today! Other than that just low key fun tonight. And plans are in the works to hang out with both Melissa and Susie. Two people I haven't hung out with really in a long time. So Woot for that. And yeah ... till later ...

Hey Everyone, so I just read Sarah's blog and I got inspired to add to my own. Not sure where I'm going with this but anyways ... First of all as of yesterday I decided to give up all fast food and soda. I'm thinking that it will be healthier. I've also started to go for a bike ride every morning after I drive Sheila to her theater camp. It feels so good to push myself. I just hope that I can stick with it in the long run, I've been known to drop this kind of stuff before. But I really want to lose weight, or like Sarah said, just trim. I want to go to college looking great, and not only that, i want to come back and impress people with how much i've changed. Maybe I won't get called a cow quite so often ... *hmph* ... Jk, I'm mostly kidding. It doesn't really bother me. But even if it's just to be healthier, as of yesterday no fast food or soda for me. Well, I really had the intention of blogging about a lot more, like going to college and all the jazz, but I have to leave for babysitting. I'll blog later perhaps ... Ciao!

Went downtown to see DodgeBall tonight with Johanna, Caryn, Marty, Mark, and Walters. Good movie! It lives up to the hype. I laughed my ass off, that might have been because of Johanna's oh so witty parallel between the movie and prom ... But FUNNY movie, and make sure to stay past the credits. Well, actually, maybe you don't want to ... Hmm, your call! Afterwards we went to Petersons and Jasmine met us there. We just hung out and talked. And leaned of course. And had "Hi Lesbians" written on my car. But you know, all normal for my friends right?

Wow, it's been a ridiculusly long time since my last post. My internet has been working just fine (knock on wood) I just haven't had a chance to stop and blog recently. Either that or I'm just that lazy. Anywhoo ... what has happened since the last post? Well that was Thursday so ...

Yeah, Thursday was Steak and Shake with Chris and Johanna which was fun. And making Chris watch Sweet Home Alabamba. Then Friday I did my usual daily routine and then headed out to Lemont to stay the night at Maria's. I drove Walters, Caryn, and Diana. Deanna was already up there when we got there. And later Sarah, Skryd, Ozga, and Maggie showed up. It was a really fun time. I hadn't seen Kristin in FOREVER, since she had been in Italy. I felt like I should have had TONS to fill her in about. Then I realized that the past couple weeks have been kinda stand still ish. They have been a lot of fun, but nothing note worthy, not much new drama, at least so it seems to me. Anyway, it felt weird not needing to fill her in on everything. But yeah we had a good time. Except for Sarah spilling my, um, Pepsi. GRRR to you Sarah! ;) Just joshing. Of course I ended up going swimming. The fact that I had all my clothes on didn't stop Jonathan and Maria from pulling me in. Yeah, I knew it was coming. But it was worth it. I did NOT like tripping on the fucking tent and breaking my neck though!!! OUCH!!! and no one event noticed. Geez ... I am such a klutz. Anyways Marias was a good time, and it ended up being Me, Johanna, Caryn, and Maggie staying in the tent outside overnight. We stayed up till 4 in the morning just talking. Which was awesome. Some very thought provoking questions were asked and some really good answers were given. And some just plain hilarity of course. (Peter Fracis Geraci?!?)

So Saturday we woke up (and I was sore as hell from the tent incident and sleeping on the ground, ouch! But oh well ...) I drove Caryn home and did some stuff around the house. Then I went shopping with Caryn and bought a cute skirt! YAY for jumping on the skirt bandwagon right? haha ... Later Johanna Caryn Diana and I headed to Meeras. That was a really good time (Thanks for super awesome hostess skills Meera!) SOOOO much food! Yum! Sarah and I played knight in shining armor to Blake. We love you horrible directional skills and alll Blake! lol anyways, Later we watched cruel intentions, with the most intent viewers being (of course) Ozga and Henry. After leaving Meeras we (Me, Caryn, Johanna, Diana, Ozga, and Trish) stopped by Kelly's for a bit. We attempted to do somethign later but we just went home.

Today was fathers day so My aunt and uncle came over for dinner. After some quality 'family' time, I drove to Johanan's house where we FINALLY watched "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" And Johanna liked it so yay! Then again how could she not, since there was a pickle AND a roller skating reference! Then we spent some time reminicing, old movie tickets and pictures and the like. And now I'm home, and finally updating my blog. And yeah ... I can't think of much else to say right now. Not much has been on my mine recently. Well, actually I guess that's a lie, but nothing important enough to bore you guys with on the blog ... Yep, so till next time ...

Trend of being productive continue today ... This is seriously freaking me out! But anyways, I kinda wanted to do something just me and Johanna tonight, but then she reminded me that Chris leaves for about a week and a half tomorrow. So the three of us went out, ended up at Steak and Shake and then at my house and made Chris watch yet another chick flick, this time Sweet Home Alamamba. But don't worry, he deserves it after having us watch all those war movies hehe. Anywhoo, I'm glad we hung out tonight, I don't know why I didn't want to. It was a lot of fun so yeah. And now I get a whole weekish of Johanna time! So that is cool. I dunno. Sometimes I just let things annoy me. But I really shouldn't. And tomorrow is Friday so WOOT!

"Everybody's working for the weekend ..."

I forgot to shout out to the fact that last night was awesome simply for the girls only aspect of it. I love our boys, but I need my girl time too! I think that I've been missing that ... We should tell the boys that we are watching Titantic more often! hehe ...

*sigh* hehehe ....


Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Movie Night at Georgia's gets two BIIIIIIG thumbs up! Reason one because of the insane amount of times Georgia had to clarify her comments with "in a non sexual way" Reason 2 because la casa de Schulte rocks like none other, I gained 500 pounds today UF! Reason 3 because sometimes being just the girls rocks! Reason 4 because I got to seranade both Caryn and Trish to the Titantic song during the credits Reason 5 because you can never watch Titantic too many times! and Reason 6 because it let me have another awesome drive home / talk with Caryn and that helps every single time. So tonight gets a WOOT in my book!

Not to mention that before Georgia's house my day was INCREDIBLY productive. Like, ridiculously so! I made a doctor's appointment, called Cecile Wege so she would know not to put me on the reading schedule as I'll be in Peoria, I wrote all my thank you cards, I organized my banking, I cleaned my room, did laundrey, washed dishes and yeah ... I amazed myself. A months worth of procrastination all disolved in a day. Very proud of myself. And I babysat my cousin Liam for the first time today. He is so adorable, and only 4 months old and I get paid and money is cool and yay :)

Awesome stolen quote from KC's profile ...
"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." -Muhammad Ali

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces
Searching your eyes, looking for traces
Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
Hopin' to find a friend and a lover
God bless the day I discover
Another heart, lookin' for love

Another wacky night of um ... wackiness. My creative juices aren't really flowing tonight, you'll have to excuse me. Anyways. Today I did nothing during the way. The kind of nothing that is nice :) Organized some stuff in my room, watched a sappy lifetime movie about a prarie woman and her indian lover then went and picked up Johanna and had a date with Panera. We hadn't had one just us in a while! Anyways then I checked what part my sister got in her theater camp play. She's Auntie Em (they're doing Wizard of Oz) So congrats to Sheila :)!!! Not that she ever reads this .... I hope .... Right anyways then we ended up going to Chris's Thingy of honor for boyscouts at the Oak Park library. I was being douche like and not wanting to go. I have no idea why. But then when we got there it was like in a room with a shut door and we didn't wanna walk in late, so we stood outside for a while in indecision and despite Johanna wantign to go in we stayed out but that proved to be COMPLETELY worth it as we browsed magazines found a character with the name Johanna and then discovered .... the magnetic poetry dun dun DUUUUUN! hehehehe The fun we had was undiscribable. Then was also the stealing of the tape and the putting of the tape on the finger ... and oooooh man did that make my hyper. Don't ask why, cuz I don't know lol ... Anywhoo me and Johanna turned into felons shhhh what the Oak Park Library doesn't know won't hurt them. PUPPY! Right ... anyways we showed up inside the room just in time for cake and to see Chris in his boy scout uniform :) The discovery was made that me and Johanna can't go to Marty's cuz we're gonna be at the Hillary Duff concert. Marty stopped talking to us. Oops. Right so then we picked up Caryn and Diana and outside the FoPo library my insanity kicked in. It must be a thing with libraries, I dunno ... right anyways me and Muffy had a rocking random hilarious time waiting for Caryn. It was a combination of pregaming, my speech shirt, the tape (on my FINGER Johanna!) and yeah just being with johanna I think. Anyways we went to Elmhurst for a game of fugitive and that was fun. Well, it was hyped up a lot for just driving around. It was kinda boring. But I'm sure the game in Oak Park was a lot more fun. Then chilling in Mel's basement which is always ALWAYS fun! I was expecting awkwardness from the situation, but then the awkwardness came from COMPLETELY elsewhere. It's weird how that stuff works out. I hope that goes away? I guess I can try harder on my part. If I am right in assessing the akwardness. Well whatever, What can I do? I'll try harder? Okay I'm done now. But yeah awkardness isn't cool. Here's to UNawkwardness! WOOT! yep so anyways, not much else to say .... I'm tired and so going to bed sounds like a good plan. Yep, I think that's what I'll do.

It's funny how things don't work out ....

And it's funny how they do ...

I found out a very sad thing the other day. Just as I had realized how utterly ALONE I am going to be once my family leaves me in my dorm come August ... I mean, really ... I will have no one. Just me, my just met roomate and a school full of people I don't know. I don't DO things alone! I don't know how I'm gonna do that! Not only that BUT apparently I can't TALK TO SUSIE FOR 2 WEEKS WHEN I GET THERE!!!!!!!!!!! This seems severely unfair to me :( It's cause it's gonna be rush weeks for the sororities right away and none of the upperclassmen are supposed to talk to freshman to sway them into their sorority. So I can only sneakily talk to her on instant messanger. I know it'll be fine, I know I'll meet people, after all there was once a time I didn't know all of you wonderful people right? But still, news worth to freak out about I think.

Fugitive game seems to be in the works for today ... my first one! Should be entertaining ...

I just laugh. What else is there to do?

Yep, so operation pick Caryn up and hope that plans find us was an amazing success. We ended up at Polar Bear, Ozga met us there. We went for a walk around a FoPo cemetary and talked about love, death, counting crows, and elephants ... I never knew I could have so much of a good time walking around a cemetary at night. After getting eaten alive we decided to head to my house. Marty, Chris and Johanna met us there. And later Walters Brandon and Don stopped by. Tonight was the most random night of my life. I thought I had seen random but I had no idea .... the evening walk through the cemetary was nothing, then came the phone call to Loy. Ozga and Loy talking about their conservative politics. Oh man Oh man. Randomness to the extreme this evening. Then Caryn busted out the Catch Phrase ... way to go Caryn even though I was less than helpful, sorry about that. I got thrust into the role of hostess so fast I forgot my manners I guess. But yeah, rousing success. And guess who doesn't have plans for Thursday night? Let's make some people!!! Yep, so good night and now I'm going to bed, night alll!

Yep so fun weekend. Really really fun weekend. My party was a smashing success, if I don't say so myself. Random of course, but very much of the awesome persuasion. Let's see ... yeah, so my party was cool. Aprehension about weird mixing of people ended up evaporating. Everyone got along fine. I think it was the DDR that really bonded everyone haha. But really yay for my party :) Thanks for everyone who came! And everyone who didn't to, we missed you! Yep, so anyway party was fun time (I think I've said that like 10 times already so moving on ...) Random moments of the night: Eric and Stan exchanging cell phone numbers, puppet porn, ice-capades (as maria called them), and a dancing chicken. Very quality moments. Maria spent the night and a very good conversation was had, continuing into the next morning. (Me: Man, I feel like last night just turned into this morning ... Maria: Yeah Mary, that happens every night ...) But seriously that was really really needed. I learned some things and I'm not allowed to quote them lest I get myself in trouble in Maria's words, "Why do you do that to yourself Mar?" But really good things were learned and nto so good things realized. But everything was needed. Thanks Maria. Really :) Then Me, Maria, Johanna, Caryn, and Diana went to Ashley's party and that was a lot of fun. And we didnt' even get lost going to Naperville I was very proud. Granted that is in no way my doing, but thanks to my navigators lol. But yeah, sun, beautiful sky, laying on grass with Johanna, really good food, discussing my side job of jumping out of cakes with Mark ... and hmm was there anything else? Oh yeah ... there was a LITTLE bit of a water fight there. Just a little one. LOL wow that was a lot of fun. And Marty Sweeney made a little kid cry, yeah that's right. What a HORRIBLE person!!! JK, but yeah, I think I am STILL wet ... in the non sexual way. That reminds me after the water fights were concluded very random yet very cool and stimulating conversation was held with Georgia and Maggie, Johanna and Maria OH OH OH OH OH AND Maria definitely gets title of hero for the day for that absoulutely BRILLANT move with the cup. The 5 of us know what I am talking about, I mean really, that was just great I think you'll have to agree! And yeah then we made it to Elsey's party which was fun for a while. Me and Johanna left to grab some food and then Chris was back in town (YAAAAAY!) So we went and visited him at his house. I would have stayed later but I went bak to Pat's to drive Caryn and Diana home. I felt bad leaving them there, but I was just kinda feeling outta place, not my crowd you know? I guess I have anti-social tendencies too, not as bad as Chris's tho, thank god (jk chris) But yeah ... stuff was on my mind today. Various stuff. But everything should be fine with everyone, we'll all float on right? yeah ...

Oh and it has also been realized that I have no inner monolouge when I'm with my friends. I just say everyting out loud from the random to the inaprropriate to the just pointless. But I think that I like it that way.

Okay now I'm off tomorrow starts having psuedo responsibility with cheuffering of my brother and dave to summer school and my sister to her theater camp and going to work and starting a diet. So yeah ... hopefully that all works out and I don't slack off. Alkright bye bye ...

So being offline for an entire week really hasn't stopped by blogging now that I'm back. I'm addicted as ever. Ah well ... tonight was really fun. I was really in the mood to do something out of the ordinary and crazy but that didnt end up really happeneing. It was a fun night nonetheless though. I had that funeral earlier, then JOhanna came over and we went to see Saved! Since she hadn't seen it yet. We ran into random fenwick people galore ... then back to my house then to summer fest then to Polar Bear then back to my house then caryn picked us up then we picked Diana up then we went to visit Mel at work at the end of her shift then we went to downtown oak park and had dinner at Cossi. That sound sreally boring but it really wasn't! It was a nice girls night out. I summed up what I have been feelign recently very well to Maria tonight. But there's no point in blogging about it I guess. But yeah yay me for summing it up. God I can't let anything pass by without being mentioned in the blog even if it only makes sense to me. Oh well ... Oh so my graduation party is tomorrow! Hurrah!

Well, first of all let me just warn you all I have absolutely nothing to say, so this post might be a waste of my time and yours. Just thought I should let you know that before I even begin ... lol

I spent a whole entire day at home yesterday. I believe that was the first day in a good month that I didn't see a single one of my friends. Which is very odd. But it was relaxing and that was cool. I need to clean like none other for my graduation party Saturday. There are a zillion and one things I COULD be doing around the house to help right now, but I'm lazy and I'd rather be online talking to Johanna and blogging lol. About Saturday, I'm really excited but also a little aprehensive. I'm gonna get to see a majority of my favorite people, but all at the same time ... that's a lot of people. I don't know if my brain will be able to process seeing so much family and so many friends. All at same time, in same place. Oh well, I'm sure it will be fine.

I went to my great-aunt's funeral this morning. I haven't been at a funeral since Pops'. And being at one again and seeing Emily crying ... I almost started crying even though I wasn't that close to my great aunt. Just because everyone around me was crying, and I know what Emily is going through, and I started to think about Pops and his funeral and Bridget and My dad and yeah ... it was a sad morning. I also am feeling bad because I don't hang out with my family barely EVER! Like, I see my mom's side at the annual family picnic and occasionally at family parties. And I saw my dad's side at Pops' funeral and occasionally at parties. But even then, a lot of the time I blow off family get togethers to hang out with my friends. I just somehow always feel like my friends are more important at the time. But then the times add up and it's been like months since I've seen some members of my family. And sometimes I feel like some relatives don't even know me. I mean, not like the important ones. But cousins and stuff ... Cuz I don't really put in the effort to know everyone. But I love my family and the time I do spend with them I love. I guess I'm just thinking that it's a shame that the majority of time spent with my family recently has been at wakes and funerals. I should work on that ...

I really don't like that Chris is out of town so much. He's seriously gonna be gone like every other week and then he leaves for like a month in Wisconsin, and when he gets back he starts orientation at Wheaton right away. I don't like that. But oh well, Me and Johanna decided we are kidnapping him a the night before me or her leaves. Cuz I need that. I don't know what the point of me saying that was. But yeah, I think Johanna knows what I mean?

Hey I really want everyone's email addresses that you use ... I have an adress book with my email but I haven't updated it since like sophomore year and i have a feeling half of them are outdated. So if you are reading this leave me a comment with your current email adress!!! I realize they will like all change to college ones soon. But I need something! Thanks guys! :)

And now I'm rambled out. Cya later@

Oh and in other news while I was gone .... DR PICKERING IS THE DEVIL. If I had a burn book .... oooooooh! The End.

I almost forgot ...

In my initial blogging withdrawal, I wrote this post from sometimes last week ... I wrote it so I might as well put it up ...

Today was fun. Yay for finally seeing saved and for freaking out with Diana about college next year. I finally found someone with my same fears!!! What a relief! Saved was a good movie. Maybe not as good as anticipated. First of all I'm simply proud that me, Caryn, and Diana MADE it! We cut it awfully close. Anyways, we did make it and we did see it with Maggie, Meera and Georgia. If nothing else I learned the uber cool words "JesusCentric" and "degayification" And yes Caryn did point out the coolness of these words long before I did lol. Two things struck me about the movie. One how extremely scary it is that I actually found parallels to my own life in it. I won't go into details or you all might think I'm a freak lol . And the second thing that got to me was how scary it is that there are actually people like that in the world. People with such narrow views ... the movie was funny, but I know that there are really people in the world who think like that which is quite scary. If you see it you'll know what I'm talking about. Oh and congrats to Macauly Koken (sp?!?) for his big screen come back. Who can't say that that they've missed him? hehe just kidding ...

After gettting hit on on the el on the way home and then driving Diana home, I came home and chilled the night at home. I just felt like having a relaxing type night for once. Drive in movie tomorrow night so that should rock. I watched Peter Pan with Mary Martin for nostalgia sake and realized that "I don't wanna grow up!" Oh to be a little kid again ...

I also spent some time rereading my blog from around November to around March ... (I have my old blog printed out in a binder in my room) ... and I'm really glad that I started blogging. Because looking back on those posts gave me a lot of insight not to mention I remembered a lot of the fun moments and random times from back then that I had nearly forgotten about. Two things stuck out to me. One was how silly all that Kairos freakign out was. I had like a 2 month period of Detox from Kairos, and that so was not neccesary. I can't remember why I made such a big deal out of that. I guess it was cuz the backlash to Kairos was so strong that I felt like I needed to fix it ... but really it was just a big waste of time to analyze it to death like I did!

Oh! Speaking of Kairos!!!! Melissa called me today and made my day!!! I am in her group for the leader retreat!!!!! YAY! aaaaaaaaaand Chris is in our group! and Trish! And I am very very very very very excited. I don't even care about the retreat part (although I'm sure that will rock), I just want to hang out with Mel and Blake and Johanna and Chris and Marty and Walters and Annie and Trish and EVERYONE going .... it sounds like it's just gonna be a fun time. So yay that.

Anyways back to my thought from before, the other thing I noticed when reading my old blog was how often my thougts revolved around the same issue. And not much has changed since then. Except that everything has changed. How silly is that? Another thing I spent way to much of my time thinking about. And now I find myself not making a ton of sense again. I've just realized something silly I've been doing and I'm gonna not do that anymore, 'nuff said.

I EXIST AGAIN!!!! I know you all missed me right ;) My internet is fully working, And of course now that I am back I have nothing to say. Low key day today, I went to work (always a plus), I went to my great-Aunt's funeral. Keep that family in your prayers if you could guys, It was Emily Griffin's Grandmother. So family ful night, and then I stayed home to clean up for the party Saturday and then surprise surprise my computer was back in action! Internet and all! :) Soo WOOT for that. My yearbook is still MIA which really sucks. If anyone accidentally took it home from Julianne's party or has any ideas of its whereabouts please let me know :(. And as for the things that I was hinting about in my last 2 psuedo posts actualy were really just about intangible feelings. I wasn't talking about a specific thing. Basically I guess I just feel like I need a change. Briget Jones always stays stuck on the same person for so long, long after it's productive. And I do the same thing. I just need something FRESH. Hmmm perhaps like hot OPRF boys named Jack hehee ... okay that was a tangent, but really I guess that is what I was mentioning before. It still doesn't make much sense but maybe it makes a little more. I should stop rambling about nothing just to have something to say. It's good to be back tho :)

Time for another psuedo post. I'm at Caryns, once again mooching off of my friends internet capabilities. I forgot to mention number one thing I learned at the leader retreat. Being a dork is awesome! So let's dork it up everyone! And time spent doing absolutely nothing more than randomly walking the streets of oak park with a cool person rocks. And my graduation party is Saturday which will be fun. And spending time with Maria was awesome and cool. And i lied in my last post because i have discovered my life is Bridget Jones' Diary. Seriously if we published our blog we would sound an awful lot like Briget. Granted when I say we I mean Me, but you know. I will never learn that lesson. at least not till next year. and still am not making sense to anyone but me. Sorry okay rambling done now ... I am getting really excited about college next year. as long as I'll never have to call anyone or make or hold any appointments or have any responsibility at all. SO yeah that will be great. Gonna stop being antisocial and continue watching high fidelity with caryn. See you all later (hopefully Saturday) CIAO!

*Hmph* I am VERY VERY VERY unhappy at not having a computer at my home right now. I am getting my 'fix' at Maria's right now. However, am surprisingly proud of my lack of dependence on the interent. I am still functioning and having a helluva lot of fun. The random time and adventures have been many. And it's only the beginning of the summer so that rocks. And all my random adventrues have been previosly recorded by my blogging companions so that's cool and i won't repeat them. The leader retreat was fun. Nothing spectacular but most definitely a good thing and something I needed. Major realizations or things I got out of it: Blake is one kick ass person which I knew before but I was reminded. Bianca is also very cool. I love all my friends not going to list them all as I would end up for getting somebody. But yeah words said were cool and alone thinking time was cool. and Im not making sense cuz i am at marias and have been in the sun and pool all day. so im gonna stop being antisocial now and leave you all. I hope I'll be back for realy very very soon. Oh also I FINALLY FINALLY learned something formyself this weekend, it was abot time. So thanks for that. No one knows what im talking about I'll shut up now lol.

So friends are cool and yeah .... see ya!

Amusing aspect of yesterday that I forgot to mention. A parallel was drawn between Annie, Nick, and Ozga with Johanna, Chris, and Me. It greatly entertained me

So she said what's the problem baby*What's the problem I don't know*Well maybe I'm in love (love)*Think about it every time
I think about it*Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this*Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)*Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on*Turn a little faster*Come on, come on*The world will follow after*Come on, come on*Cause everybody's after love

Come on, Come on*Move a little closer*Come on, Come on*I want to hear you whisper*Come on, Come on*Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on*Jump a little higher*Come on, come on*If you feel a little lighter*Come on, come on*We were once Upon a time in love

*We're accidentally in love*

*I will always cherish the initial misconception I had of you*

And even though the moment passed me by*I still can't turn away*'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose*Got tossed along the way*And letters that you never meant to send*Get lost or thrown away

Scars are souvenirs you never lose*The past is never far*Did you lose yourself somewhere out there*Did you get to be a star*And don't it make you sad to know that life*Is more than who we are

You grew up way too fast*And now there's nothing to believe*And reruns all become our history*A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio

I think about you all the time*But I don't need the same*It's lonely where you are come back down*And I won't tell 'em your name

These random lyrics and quotes brought to you by the letters P and C